Positive Outlook After An Exposure

[mw321]

Just a few months ago, I was struggling to even get out of be in the morning because my fear of fainting had returned in full force (I'm not sure if that fear is the result of OCD or panic disorder). I was checking my pulse and blood pressure and constantly analyzing how I felt. I had to go through a lengthy process before I even felt safe enough to stand up in the morning. I'm happy to say that has improved since then. I've been pushing myself really hard to fight my anxiety, so I've been doing more exposures lately.

Whenever I've done exposures in the past, I never felt any sense of accomplishment afterwards. I would endure the anxiety, but it didn't make me feel any more confident about facing it again. The exposures would leave me with a negative attitude rather than a positive. I didn't intentionally have a negative attitude, but it just always felt like a lot of torture for very little progress. This weekend felt different. I went into a large store for the first time in years. This is particularly difficult because I have agoraphobia and one of my OCD obsessions gets triggered in stores. It's a double exposure. I didn't push the exposure too far, but it was a good start.  I left the exposure feeling positive about my accomplishment and felt better about doing it again. This is the first time I remember having a positive outlook. I'm hoping this might be a breakthrough for me.

How important is having a positive mindset for long term success with exposures? Have you ever experienced a sudden change in your outlook, and did that help you to improve? Just curious to hear your opinions.

Edited January 14, 2019 by mw321

[PolarBear]

Congratulations!

Having a positive attitude is very helpful. Let's face it, you do go through a period where you are doing exposures and not doing compulsions and it does seem like little gain for a lot of pain. That is perfectly normal. You can't change years of bad behaviors over night. It takes time. So in the beginning you are going through the motions and it doesn't seem like you are getting anywhere. But you are! You are slowly retraining your brain. It is not surprising that you felt good about what you did this weekend. It's time. Look at that positively and use it as motivation to try again. And again.

I will caution you about this fainting thing. You must curb your desire to check your pulse and blood pressure and test how you feel all the time. Those are compulsions and they will only keep you stuck.

Good luck and keep going!

[mw321]

10 hours ago, PolarBear said:

Congratulations!

Having a positive attitude is very helpful. Let's face it, you do go through a period where you are doing exposures and not doing compulsions and it does seem like little gain for a lot of pain. That is perfectly normal. You can't change years of bad behaviors over night. It takes time. So in the beginning you are going through the motions and it doesn't seem like you are getting anywhere. But you are! You are slowly retraining your brain. It is not surprising that you felt good about what you did this weekend. It's time. Look at that positively and use it as motivation to try again. And again.

I will caution you about this fainting thing. You must curb your desire to check your pulse and blood pressure and test how you feel all the time. Those are compulsions and they will only keep you stuck.

Good luck and keep going!

Thanks PolarBear. I appreciate you taking the time to respond. 

I definitely feel more motivated now to do exposure work. It weird how that one particular exposure left me with a different outlook towards my potential progress.

Regarding the fainting fear, my physical symptoms of anxiety are so strong that I go through periods when it feels like I'm going to collapse at any moment.  i think that morphed into a fainting obsession. I still do compulsions for sure, but I've cut back on the pulse/blood pressure checking. Not testing or trying to regulate how I feel will take a lot more work. It effects almost every decision I make. 

Thank you for all the information that you provide on this forum.

Edited January 15, 2019 by mw321