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Just had my first session of cbt this year

Exposure is happening :(

It's hard 

My first task is to think the thought I fear over and over for certain amounts of time...increasing the times and leaving my mouth open.

I did it once in session and now my homework is to do this.

Then it's writing the thought and finally speaking it.

??????????????

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I know it's meant to help and it's gonna be hard but does it make sense for me at the moment to feel worse? 

Like I am disgusted by certain thoughts and wish I never got them...so to be made to create them on loop in your head makes me feel worse of a person?

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11 minutes ago, ocdsufferer85 said:

I know it's meant to help and it's gonna be hard but does it make sense for me at the moment to feel worse? 

Like I am disgusted by certain thoughts and wish I never got them...so to be made to create them on loop in your head makes me feel worse of a person?

I'm going through exactly the same thing at the moment! I've just posted on here a bit about it and have gotten some useful advice. I think the answer is yes - it will get worse before it gets better. The exposure is meant to trigger your anxiety so that you learn to cope with it. I guess the issue is that the OCD is something we live with 24/7, the anxiety won't be confined to the therapy session, it will find it's way into your life. I guess it will feel horrible at first but as you repeat the exercise, you will get used to doing it and it'll have less of an impact. In any case, you are not the only one experiencing this, I have been sitting with these feelings for a few days myself now as well. So that must mean that it's part of the process. We can do it!! :) 

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Make sure you keep at it OS! 

Increased anxiety is understandable at the beginning, but sooner or later you will notice the anxiety fizzle out, and it will get easier & easier! 

Also, keep reminding yourself of the previous sessions of CBT, & you'll probably find it will take the edge off of the anxiety.

:)

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Horrible being made to think things I really don't want to, and the fear that if I do God is mad. 

But I really don't want the thoughts and dont mean them which is why I'm afraid :(

I feel horrible and I have to replay it over and over and over

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Hang in there! You can do this and your hard work will pay off. I was like you about 2 weeks ago, I have been doing exposure with knives and was just really stressed about it after the sessions. I told my therapist and we slowed things down but tried one of the more challenging exposures today and I honestly didn't even think about it afterwards. You can get there too, you should give feedback to your therapist and tell them how hard you're finding it and what you're struggling with. I feel like you can go into CBT with so much enthusiasm, but it's really hard! Don't feel bad about having dips, we all have them. I think dips are good if we managed to pick ourselves up and continue afterwards, they can make us stronger. Good luck!!! 

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3 hours ago, ocdsufferer85 said:

But the exposure for me is thinking bad thoughts against God

I don't get the proof it's harmless :(

 

I get you, I think religion is a tough one because religion teaches us the the consequences of our actions aren't immediate. I think maybe a good way is to remind yourself why you are actively thinking these thoughts. It's part of a treatment process - you get unwanted thoughts that relate to something bad about god, so your way to fight against these thoughts is to actively think them and reduce your anxiety, which means in the long term you will stop thinking them. In that sense, you're not a bad person because you're actually fighting against the thoughts and working towards making them go away. Do you see what I mean? 

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It helps to remember that with such themes (includes my harm, and others like sexual preference, relationships) the OCD is targeting your true core value and alleging the opposite is/might be true. 

When I learned that in CBT the therapy made more sense and I was comforted. 

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What I'm wanting to ask now to anyone who knows, does ocd still work the same way no matter the theme? It's still as @taurean said going against what you want, so it has to be ocd. Someone with harm doesn't want to stab someone and isn't a killer... Just as someone who doesn't want to upset God isn't a blasphemer just because ocd puts the horrible thoughts there?

My problem is feeling like I let the ocd draw me in, that I could have done different, I could have avoided it...the same as someone staying around the sharp objects and thinking "what if I actually did just stab someone now" 

Do people with harm ocd feel like the urge is real? I'm not sure if kine was an urge it happened so quickly. I feel mine was a moment of self confidence soon to be shattered by ocd.

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3 hours ago, malina said:

I get you, I think religion is a tough one because religion teaches us the the consequences of our actions aren't immediate. I think maybe a good way is to remind yourself why you are actively thinking these thoughts. It's part of a treatment process - you get unwanted thoughts that relate to something bad about god, so your way to fight against these thoughts is to actively think them and reduce your anxiety, which means in the long term you will stop thinking them. In that sense, you're not a bad person because you're actually fighting against the thoughts and working towards making them go away. Do you see what I mean? 

I get what you mean yes, I know I should accept it's how to treat it, it just feels so bad, as anyone else's exposure would though, so it's one big nightmare for us all!

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19 minutes ago, ocdsufferer85 said:

Do people with harm ocd feel like the urge is real? 

 

Absolutely! To me it feels as though I NEED to do it, like I am being pulled towards it and, yes, sometimes like I want it. That is the point where I begin to feel devestated because I don't want to do it and I have to fight against what my mind seems to be telling me is the right thing to do. So then exposure with knives is really difficult for me but it also helps, because over time I have really started to see a reduction in that urge. 

19 minutes ago, ocdsufferer85 said:

What I'm wanting to ask now to anyone who knows, does ocd still work the same way no matter the theme? It's still as @taurean said going against what you want, so it has to be ocd. Someone with harm doesn't want to stab someone and isn't a killer... Just as someone who doesn't want to upset God isn't a blasphemer just because ocd puts the horrible thoughts there?

 

I think that OCD picks on something that is like a worst case scenario and makes you think it's real. Like in my case, I grew up with a two girls who self harmed and I thought it was absolutely terrifying that someone could do that, so I think my mind latched onto the idea that self harm is the worst thing someone could do, therefore, maybe I am at risk for doing that too. I think blasphemy and making God angry is something you think is bad, then that is what your mind latches onto. 

19 minutes ago, ocdsufferer85 said:

My problem is feeling like I let the ocd draw me in, that I could have done different, I could have avoided it...

 

That's the OCD talking. It will draw you in, otherwise it wouldn't have any effect? That's what it does and it's an illness and you shouldn't feel guilty about that, it's not your fault that it has taken hold. In fact, the thing you can do to prevent it from drawing you in is engaging with your therapy and doing the exposures. 

Edited by malina
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5 minutes ago, malina said:

Absolutely! To me it feels as though I NEED to do it, like I am being pulled towards it and, yes, sometimes like I want it. That is the point where I begin to feel devestated because I don't want to do it and I have to fight against what my mind seems to be telling me is the right thing to do. So then exposure with knives is really difficult for me but it also helps, because over time I have really started to see a reduction in that urge. 

I think that OCD picks on something that is like a worst case scenario and makes you think it's real. Like in my case, I grew up with a two girls who self harmed and I thought it was absolutely terrifying that someone could do that, so I think my mind latched onto the idea that self harm is the worst thing someone could do, therefore, maybe I am at risk for doing that too. I think blasphemy and making God angry is something you think is bad, then that is what your mind latches onto. 

That's the OCD talking. It will draw you in, otherwise it wouldn't have any effect? That's what it does and it's an illness and you shouldn't feel guilty about that, it's not your fault that it has taken hold. In fact, the thing you can do to prevent it from drawing you in is engaging with your therapy and doing the exposures. 

Thank you very much for your kind responses, I am having a bad day as it is with other medical stuff so this helped me. Thank you, and I hope you are getting better too x

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24 minutes ago, ocdsufferer85 said:

What I'm wanting to ask now to anyone who knows, does ocd still work the same way no matter the theme?

Generally yes, but with such themes as harm, religious scrupulosity, paedophilia, sexual preference, relationship the OCD actually targets one or more of our true core character values and suggests we could act contrary to them. 

So with my harm OCD I needed to do exposure with knives, but it enormously helped me to know this cognitive side of how OCD works. 

I had problems with violent news stories and the OCD telling me I could act the same. 

24 minutes ago, ocdsufferer85 said:

My problem is feeling like I let the ocd draw me in, that I could have done different, I could have avoided it...the same as someone staying around the sharp objects and thinking "what if I actually did just stab someone now" 

Do people with harm ocd feel like the urge is real? I'm not sure if kine was an urge it happened so quickly. I feel mine was a moment of self confidence soon to be shattered by ocd.

Yes they do feel that urge and they believe it is real (because their default behavioural response is to believe it) but when they accept, from the cognitive knowledge I gave above, that it is false, and stare it out in ERP, they are working towards overcoming this. 

Sufferers always want Immediate results from CBT, but they won't get them. It takes whatever time it takes. 

Edited by taurean
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4 hours ago, ocdsufferer85 said:

Thank you very much for your kind responses, I am having a bad day as it is with other medical stuff so this helped me. Thank you, and I hope you are getting better too x

Thank you! I think we've kind of started CBT around the same time and are both finding the exposure work tough, so know you're not alone! :flex:

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