Lasting consequences of false confession *Sensitive Issue*

[humbleno1]

In 2012, because of ocd, I made a false confession at a police station - to "molestation". Im such an idiot, I never thought it through, and I was even told to "get my balls out and go to the police or stfu, because I was hurting people around me everyday" by family members, I felt like I HAD to confess, we all know the confession compulsion.

So I did, I was very vulnerable at the time, I was taking alot of drugs, and my nanna had just died, and my family were not supportive around me, and obviously it being an intrusive thought it was pretty damn horrible - anyway they then arrrested me on "suspicion of rape of a minor" - I tried to explain that I got other thoughts too that I dont know that I did or not - and then they tried to stop me from talking (quite horrible, really).

In the end it didnt last long a couple of hours and the sex officer guy, released me, because he was told by numerous family members how this wasnt true, I had a history of mental illness, had been investigated by them, he also knew the actual scenario was practically impossible - it did not go to interview and I was not charged.

This was like 7 years ago - everything is good with the person and family - we are friends.

I have my own daughter now.

And I just want it to be put behind me, which I have done for quite a few years unfortunately though - I read online, that a record is kept indefinitely of every arrest.

Sigh - You can appeal it, but I dont think it would get took off because of the severity of  the false "crime" and the kind of ambiguity of evidence and proof of crimes that are sexua, Idk.

Its hard for me to type this I dont like to talk about it so please be delicate with me.

I dont know what I wanted to say by putting this - but Im doing music now, and previously before this all happened my music was doing quite well, now im worried about people finding out again, sigh. Or police officers spreading it or something.

Nobody has ever found out about this as far as I know outside of my family - but I was like 20-21 at the time, and I cant believe how naieve I was, and I just feel like Ive brought so much unneccesary stigma and shame on myself, or the threat of that at least, I dont know how to fix this.

Any advice/legally or otherwise.

Thanks....

[taurean]

Hi Humble. 

What happened that time, when you went to the police and "confessed",  seems like carrying out a compulsion as a result of an OCD falsehood. 

In therapy I was told to reattribute responsibility to the OCD, bear no stigma or blame myself for having those thoughts and the resultant compulsive urge. 

I think the only lasting consequences to what happened then are what OCD says. 

And in therapy we learn not to listen to what OCD says. 

So leave it be, get on with your life. The only action needed is for you to do this, nothing more. 

[malina]

I'm not sure what you could do legally, but I think worrying about this is also a sign of OCD. There is uncertainty here and your mind is latching onto it. When you think about it rationally, it seems very unlikely that the police will start spreading information about you specifically. However, the posibility is there, hence the uncertainty and hence you getting anxious about it. You have an illness that has made you act irrationally, you have to let it go and get on with your life. If something does happen you will deal with it then, but now it seems like there isn't much you can do other than accept that this has happened and try to move on from it. 

[humbleno1]

You can appeal to have it removed but obv the whole thing is in need of reform, i mean it kind of sucks that stuff is there, like for no reason, like wtf.....sigh thnx for replies its just like we understand its ocd, nd these thoughts dont mean a damn thing but other people dont i guess.

[humbleno1]

does anyone have any further input?

[paradoxer]

Classic OCD, you made the mistake of performing a compulsion, in this case a false confession, now, you're obsessing about the possible consequences - a record - of that compulsion. With OCD it's never enough. Don't make the same mistake now. Let it go.

[taurean]

Classic OCD - a compulsive urge to get the record deleted. 

We often see this when people ask the forum administrators to delete posts topics or their records. 

In your case it's a nothing issue, blown up out of all importance and proportion by your OCD. 

Classic OCD - an incident happens in the past, the OCD locks onto it in the present, a compulsive urge engages. 

The only action needed is for you to learn to dismiss it and get your life back on track. 

Edited January 20, 2019 by taurean

[dksea]

If you are concerned about this, I would recommend talking to your therapist or doctor about it, and getting their advice.  Probably the recommendation will be to just leave it alone, thats its in the past and worrying about it won't help. If, (big if) they say its worth revisiting your next step should be to speak with a lawyer about the simplest way to go about it.  You mention that there is an appeals process to have it removed, but rather than trying to do it yourself its probably best to have a consultation with a legal professional so you can handle it as easily as possible.  They lawyer may advise you its not worth the effort too, in which case you should follow their advice and go back to step one, simply working on letting it go.

[humbleno1]

The problem ive got is im a rapper, and im pretty damn good, and reputation is everything....

sigh....

i dont know what to do...it makes me not want to rap. and then i think if i cant do what i love why am i living?

[dksea]

18 hours ago, humbleno1 said:

it makes me not want to rap.

You are allowing a theoretical future problem prevent you from living life now.  Not rapping because at some unspecified point in the future some old police report could come to light and make your life difficult is like not rapping because at some unspecified point in the future you might be hit by a car and lose the ability to speak. Either you need to choose to let this go, or you need to choose to take an active step to remove the item in question from the record.  The alternative is to be paralyzed by doubt and lead an unhappier (rap free) life.
 

18 hours ago, humbleno1 said:

i think if i cant do what i love why am i living?

If you love rapping that much, then you keep rapping.  If for one reason or another that becomes impossible, well then you look for something else you can do instead.  Who knows what else you might enjoy.  Who knows where else you might find a new interest or new way to explore your current one.  You would be far from the first person to lose the ability/opportunity to do something they love, but people adjust.  People have life altering things happen to them all the time, they adjust, and go on to lead rewarding lives anyway.  Theres a lot of life experiences out there.