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Memory truth OCD.


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I have this particular type of OCD. I have a memory from around 20 years ago which I fear is false. My OCD wants me to check the truth of the memory and whether it's true or false.

I generally have responsibility OCD and I fear that I have harmed people. Now about 20 years back an incidence happened (not going to detail) where I fear that I have harmed a person. Now I tend to check memory of all the events surrounding this particular incidents. I tend to replay and check if the memories are correct. Now with this particular event I am stuck for many years. Some part of my mind says it is correct and it did genuinely happened but my OCD tend to start doubt it. The only thing that works is distraction. How should I let it go? Any suggestion?

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For years, you have been checking this so-called memory, trying to figure out if it is true or not. Has all that mental work done any good? Are you any closer to the truth now than you were years ago? 

If not, what makes you think more thinking will bring you to the answer? At some point you have to tell yoursrlf that what you've been doing isn't working and won't work in the future. Then you work hard to stop doing it.

Also, you don't have to figure it out. You don't. You are under no obligation to come up with an answer. You are allowed to let it go.

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1 hour ago, worriedjohn said:

But OCD keeps pushing me to find whether that piece of memory is true or false. It try to force me to know it one way or other.

You need to remind yourself that its ok not figure it out.  You can live the rest of your life without figuring it out.  A smoker thinks they NEED another cigarette, the addiction keeps pushing them to smoke again.  But a smoker doesn't have to listen to that urge, they can choose not to smoke and they will be ok.  It feels hard, but that doesn't mean its impossible.  It feels difficult to resist the urge to engage in compulsions, especially at first, but its not impossible.  And the more you do it, the easier it will become.

 

Edited by dksea
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1 hour ago, worriedjohn said:

I generally try not to do memory check as I have realized this is my compulsion. But OCD keeps pushing me to find whether that piece of memory is true or false. It try to force me to know it one way or other.

OCD tries to keep everyone on this never-ending roundabout by demanding certainty. 

To get off the roundabout we need to understand this is what is powering the motor, accept we can never know, and step off the roundabout when it in due course slows down. 

How do we beat this demand for certainty?  By learning to accept probability (that it is OCD at work) instead. 

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First ever post here. Been doing this checking memory thing for over 40 years and yes it is painful and is much worse some times and not others, but I am getting better at managing it and part of that is ACCEPTANCE.  And anyway....memory is a very fickle thing. Fickle and unreliable so accept that too and try not to engage in the rumination about whatever it is you think you did or did not do.

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