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I’m afraid to use the bathroom.


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I know that I’m wordy but I’m going to be really direct. I’m scared of going to the toilet. Frankly  there are too many contamination risks from there. Actually, maybe not even risks. Just things that repulse me. I don’t want my brother’s urine on my clothes or in my bedroom. I don’t want excrement, mine or anyone else’s, on my person or in my room. Living things are disgusting. How have I only just noticed this? And why is it that I seem to be the only human being that gets stuff on their hands? Am I incredibly unlucky? Or are people touching taps with pooey hands I’m not aware of this. Seriously, I feel like the big third act reveal is that everyone and everything is disgusting. 

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Unfortunately, this is what happens when you think and think and think about something. No good comes from it. You started with a simple belief that certain things are disgusting. That grew into you believing that disgusting things were everywhere (when they're not). You ruminated about this, basically all the time. And you did other compulsions, like taking extra care to avoid these disgusting things (which were, for the most part, not there). All this did was to reinforce your initial belief in your head. Things became even more disgusting, causing you to take extreme measures to avoid them. And round and round you go.

At the end of the day, it's OCD. You got a thought stuck in your head and you made matters so much worse by doing compulsions. Your mind screams at you that there is contamination everywhere when it isn't. Let's look at your post above:

1. "There are too many contamination risks from there (the toilet)." No, there aren't. Even with an uncareful brother in the house, your bathroom is no more contaminated that anyone else's.

2. "Things that repulse me." You created the situation that these things repulse you, far more than anyone else.

3. "I don't want my brother's urine on my clothes or in my bedroom." Unless your brother is directly peeing on your clothes or all over your bedroom, the risk is very low that this will happen.

4. "I don't want excrement, mine or anyone else's, on my person or in my room." Same as above. As with urine, the risk is very low -- the same risk that everyone else on the planet lives very comfortably with.

5. "Living things are disgusting." This is a cognitive distortion. You have created this false belief in your mind.

6. "How have I only just noticed this?" It's been coming for a long time, because you keep your focus on this mundane thing all the time.

7. "And why is it that I seem to be the only human being that gets stuff on their hands?" You aren't. Chances are that most of the time, you don't get stuff on your hands. It's all an OCD lie, but your mind tells you that you did. Still a lie. Unfortunately, you buy into it. And other people do get pee, etc. on their hands. It's just not that big a deal. It's life.

I want you to clearly understand that you have done this to yourself. Sure, for a long time it was because you didn't know that what you were doing (compulsions) was wrong, but you've been around long enough that you know compulsions make things worse. Yet you continue to do them. Only you can get yourself out of this.

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OP, understand that you can't be as clean as OCD demands, and live a 'normal life. In fact you can't be a clean as OCD demands, period.  Nor should you want to be. Never mind those trace elements of p** or s***, real or imagined. OCD is the real contaminant, the real disgusting thing here. 

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The buddhist monk Thich nhat Hahn has a saying "No mud, no lotus", in other words without dirt there would be no flowers. Dirt is an inherent part of life. I annoy people all the time because if they continuously complain about the rain, I say "what, would you rather live in a desert just so you don't have to bother using an umbrella?" No rain means no trees, no rivers, no grass, no flowers. A world without dirt would be a joyless place. 

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