Jump to content

Wedding ocd


Guest Phil10

Recommended Posts

Can anybody give me any tips for surviving a wedding and all the build up when you have ocd? Firstly my ocd made me return a suit already. I have to get through the day without feeling all my shirts and outfits are contaminated.

I am a bit ocd about touching stuff right now as I have thoughts I touched toilet brush or put a hand down a toilet so when I’m out and about I worry about touching anything and spreading germs again it’s false thoughts that I touched the toilet stuff ect 

I had an engagement party a few years ago and I managed to last without washing my hands all night but my ocd has since got worse.

I worry I may sit there miserable thinking something is dirty and when I buy a new suit I will worry where to store it. I stored the last one at her parents house and still worried. 

Weddings can be stressful enough without ocd.

Link to comment

I was very OCD on my wedding. I wasn't stressed, but I was hypersensitive to triggers and a trigger thought got hold. 

I would suggest you really work at applying what we have been telling you re CBT methodology to tackle your OCD. Keep focusing on that, and trust that the wedding planning is robust enough and just relax on that score. In a more relaxed frame of mind  you will be able to resolve any issues that do come along wedding-wise, because a calm mind  has power and resilience.

And remember in contamination OCD the "contamination" is only in the mind of the sufferer, not bothering right-thinking sensible risk-aware others. 

The OCD hypes up and exaggerates nil or minimum risk, and creates a tangled thread of - actually unconnected in reality - connections. 

So, when a contamination intrusive thought enters your head, just think how such another person, e.g.PolarBear Dksea or I,  might react - then work on that approach, resisting the feelings of fear threat and the urge to carry out those - actually pointless and worthless (and expensive) -  compulsions. 

You CAN do this Phil. That learned hero of mine, the American pastor and father of positive thinking Norman Vincent Peale, said :

"You can if you think you can!". 

Edited by taurean
Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...

My wedding band cancelled and I was offered a replacement but they were poor so I booked another myself. Problem is the last band had a unique sound and people don’t seem as impressed? The old band broke up split nothing I can do no money could make them perform now they were originally going to but changed there mind.

Course people don’t go to weddings for the band but for a perfectionist with ocd I don’t want lots of negative chat? Only 10% of the guests heard last band so I mean not everybody will complain. 

Link to comment

Forget about it Phil. 

As you surmise, it's your OCD coming to the fore. 

Because my wife had been married previously, we had a low key wedding, paid for by us with just a wedding breakfast for the few guests in a nearby restaurant. 

Those that came were happy enough with that. And we simply chose a restaurant and that was that. No agonising over choice of restaurant, menu or whatever. 

Link to comment
2 hours ago, Phil10 said:

My wedding band cancelled and I was offered a replacement but they were poor so I booked another myself. Problem is the last band had a unique sound and people don’t seem as impressed? The old band broke up split nothing I can do no money could make them perform now they were originally going to but changed there mind.

Course people don’t go to weddings for the band but for a perfectionist with ocd I don’t want lots of negative chat? Only 10% of the guests heard last band so I mean not everybody will complain. 

I am sorry to hear this, Phil,  but might this perfectionism be an OCPD thing, as opposed OCD?

Link to comment

You are trying to be the 'perfect' person in the same way that the items in your house have to be perfect/uncontaminated. The worry about negative chat at the wedding is just another extrapolation of the same theme. You are worried that anything negative will be reflected onto you. I think you believe you will be seen as less acceptable in some way. I wonder is that your core belief 'If I am not perfect, then I am worthless/unlovable/unwanted/rejected'? 

Link to comment

I have not (yet) gotten married but i've been involved with a number of weddings and in my experience, the worst thing you can do is try to make the day "perfect".  Perfection is an impossible goal.  Odds are things won't go exactly to plan in some areas, but will, for the most part, be just fine.  
Maybe some people will be disappointed that the old band couldn't make it.  Ok, fine, they have the right to feel however they want, but as you've said there's nothing you can do about it anyway, so why worry?
Maybe some people will LOVE the new band, and it'll turn out even better than you first planned!
Some people will have a great time, some people will have an ok time, some people might not be so thrilled.
As the saying goes, you can't please all the people, all the time.

At my brothers wedding the weather had been unseasonably warm.  When the mothers went to light the wedding candles they burned WAY faster than expected because the wax was so soft from the heat.  They had to improvise, a bit, but the couples candle got lit (barely, lol) and the wedding continued.  My brother and his wife have been married for over a decade now and are a happy family with two kids.  The wedding was a blast, and we all enjoy looking back on the fun memories, not of a perfect event, but of one filled with love and family celebrating their marriage together.  Even when things don't go perfect, life goes on, and things don't just fall apart.  Do your best to focus on enjoying the day, enjoying being joined to someone you love, and if other people have complaints or preferences, well thats their choice, not yours.  You don't have to please everyone.  Its ok to focus on yourself.

Link to comment

Yes what’s frustrating for me is I never heard any negative about the last band. The new band have good reviews on Facebook and are pretty decent yet ive had about 4 negative comments from my guests. I am surprised given this band sounds like most other wedding bands doing a similar thing. My fear now is people don’t like the band on the wedding day and that could in some way spoil my wedding day. I mean would they rather I had a Dj all night or something or perhaps they would still moan the music picked wasn’t good. 

I am annoyed as I hired a respectable band with 4 years wedding experience doing functions and weddings and people are being negative. 

Link to comment

As we have said Phil, your fear is an OCD perfectionism fear. 

The probability is that they will be great. And probability is the way to overcome certainty and perfectionism. Learn to live with probability and you can beat this. 

Link to comment

I have been getting ocd and anxiety as I wanted to book a saxaphonist for the wedding but worry I have too much already having a band and guitarist. Problem is like the ex footballer idea that I had to cancel it causes me anxiety. My fear is when I get anxiety I think omg I have to cancel it and not go ahead but worry the anxiety will win. Perhaps I have enough going on anyway but my ocd makes me worry over this constantly.

Any tips to help?

Link to comment

Don't listen to the anxiety. Do you want a saxophonist or not? Does your partner want one? That's how you make the decision. Forget about the anxiety. Yours is pinging at everything because of the OCD. So leave that and gut instinct aside because OCD is screwing with them.

Link to comment
2 minutes ago, Orwell1984 said:

Don't listen to the anxiety. Do you want a saxophonist or not? Does your partner want one? That's how you make the decision. Forget about the anxiety. Yours is pinging at everything because of the OCD. So leave that and gut instinct aside because OCD is screwing with them.

Tell me about it.

One of my flaws is I am very indecisive. I booked an ex footballer for my stag and cancelled it as he demanded money upfront however I spent weeks and months saying I would book it and then I said no I don’t want to and one day I said ok I will book it. So what I’m saying is I spend a lot of time worrying about this sort of thing and again if it doesn’t feel right or if people say it’s too much I doubt it and ocd over it. Do I want it? Well I quite like it, it’s  not too expensive but I worry booking it will cause me unnecessary anxiety and worry?

Link to comment

I hate having this stress 

I get ideas and I struggle to get them out my mind. Sadly I juts don’t know if I can book it as the anxiety can often be too great.

Saying that I am just back from holiday and I feared the train journey would be too much and make me go crazy too and the reality was it never and I am ok but the issue is the worry beforehand as it seems real? 

Link to comment
16 hours ago, Phil10 said:

If I can’t make a choice on the saxaphonist I can’t have one I hate when I get in this pickle 

This reminds me of an article a few years back about a women that could not decide which scatter cushions to buy which best suited her settee.

Go ahead and book that saxophonist, Phil, and don't let OCD dictate!

Link to comment

I have been unable to make a choice regarding the saxaphonist 

However I have been feeling troubled by the fact I’m having a big wedding and most of these friends and family I never see? I feel what’s the point of it? I know people say that’s how it is but these days with social media people are happy to read about somebody rather than talk to them? 

The wedding just seems like it will have all these false people

Link to comment
17 hours ago, Phil10 said:

I have been unable to make a choice regarding the saxaphonist 

However I have been feeling troubled by the fact I’m having a big wedding and most of these friends and family I never see? I feel what’s the point of it? I know people say that’s how it is but these days with social media people are happy to read about somebody rather than talk to them? 

The wedding just seems like it will have all these false people

The level of perfection you believe you need to achieve is simply an impossible goal Phil.  I'm not sure what drives your desire for perfection, whether its OCD or something else (or a combination) but I think thats your biggest hurdle in life right now.  With a big wedding, sure its probable you won't spend much time with everyone, but that doesn't mean you, and they, can't have a fun time!  Its fine to consider the size of ones wedding when planning it, and being able to spend time with guests is a part of that, but at some point you make a choice and go with that.  Maybe a smaller wedding would mean you only invite people you are really close to, but it means there are other tradeoffs, like having to decide whether such and such a person is REALLY worth inviting or not.  It also impacts food choice, venue choice, band choice, etc.  Everything in life is about tradeoffs, you make a decision based on the best information you have and go from there.  You will never be able to create the perfect situation, its just not possible.  But as the saying goes, don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good.

Link to comment
Guest Phil10

The ocd is not great again 

I got some ties and I worried they went close to bins

I got some shirts for the wedding today and I had a thought “maybe I peed myself” and worried at the wedding I will be dirty and smelly?

I have yet to buy a new suit after returning the last one. I had worries about clothes for my holiday and I had to wear them and resist the ocd..

Link to comment
1 minute ago, Phil10 said:

The ocd is not great again 

I got some ties and I worried they went close to bins

I got some shirts for the wedding today and I had a thought “maybe I peed myself” and worried at the wedding I will be dirty and smelly?

I have yet to buy a new suit after returning the last one. I had worries about clothes for my holiday and I had to wear them and resist the ocd..

Phil, what is the point of writing the above post? You've posted similar likely hundreds of times. What is the point? You tell us what your latest obsession is. Sometimes you tell us what compulsions you are contemplating. And that's it. Again, what's the point? What do you expect of us? Right now you are using the forum as a mini-diary, not what it was intended for.

Link to comment
Guest Phil10
30 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

Phil, what is the point of writing the above post? You've posted similar likely hundreds of times. What is the point? You tell us what your latest obsession is. Sometimes you tell us what compulsions you are contemplating. And that's it. Again, what's the point? What do you expect of us? Right now you are using the forum as a mini-diary, not what it was intended for.

Well I want to be free of the ocd however I am finding it difficult becuase as you say similar worries come up just a different variation.

Link to comment
Guest Phil10
8 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

But what's the point of coming here and listing out every obsession you have?

Perhaps people have similar themes and can help. Each new worry causes ocd and anxiety and I find it helpful to talk about it 

Link to comment

I think you writing out each obsession has become a compulsion. It's like you have to tell us about the latest thing. And every time the advice is the same. I mean, have we ever told you to go ahead and do compulsions?

Maybe it's time for you to step back and see all these individual obsessions as all being the same thing. And they should all be dealt with the same way.

Edited by PolarBear
Link to comment
Guest Phil10

I really worry about these shirts I mean if I peed myself surely I would chuck the jeans and worry my phone in my pocket was dirty? Instead I feel a black and white thought that says the shirt is dirty even though it’s new. Again I could replace it and buy another but for what point I know already I can go on an endless loop where replacing just makes me believe the next item is dirty and so on..

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...