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As you guys may have seen on Channel 4 there's a new tv show called 'Pure' based on the book of the same name. 

I had read the book a few years prior and I related to it. So, I watched the show and I found myself doubting if I even had ocd. The show itself is quite graphic and I found myself scrunching my face and yelling, shaking my head when those scenes came on. 

I watched it to see if I could relate. I felt like I couldn't, yes I was disturbed by the graphic content and I had the same mindset in terms of 'do I like this?' when those thoughts appeared in her head and wanting all the sexual thoughts to stop. I releated to her reaction where she screamed she wanted it all to stop. But, I don't get images that often. I feel them coming on and that's because I've just sat and watched a tv show about it, that's fake to me.

Anyway, it just feels as though I've lied to myself, to others, medical professionals. I'm really fed up and I don't know where to turn. 

I don't know why I can't give up posting on this forum. I don't belong here, I guess it's just an outlet for me at this point. Oh god it feels like I'm a liar especially compared to other people - what's wrong with me? 

Edited by don't know
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33 minutes ago, don't know said:

Anyway, it just feels as though I've lied to myself, to others, medical professionals. I'm really fed up and I don't know where to turn. 

I don't know why I can't give up posting on this forum. I don't belong here, I guess it's just an outlet for me at this point. Oh god it feels like I'm a liar especially compared to other people - what's wrong with me?  

DK, none of us on here are in any position to make a diagnosis. I think you'll find that even if there were, they would not be able to do it via forum post, which is why you need to bite the bullet and visit your GP & get a referral to find out what is going on!

You need specialist help, & if your nearest psychiatrist can't help, then ask to be referred to someone more senior!

You should not be suffering like you are, & are prolonging the agony by not getting treatment!

 

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Felix is absolutely spot on here. See your GP. Look, I went to my GP with fears that I wanted to kill my mother. I had urges and everything. It was horrible and it morphed into a really scary obsession. I did not think at the time it was OCD. It felt like I was turning evil.  It turned out to be OCD. You really need to just take a massive leap of faith and see your GP. Posting on the forum and everything else is not going to help. 

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100% agree with the others on this one. At this stage, it's not important whether you believe you have OCD or something else. Regardless of what this is, you are clearly suffering right now and you need someone to help you find a way to feel better.

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For me, when I see such posts, don't know, expressing doubt they ever had OCD and feeling they have wasted everyone's time on the forum - Well that in itself is evidence of OCD. 

It's not referred to as "the doubting disease" for nothing. 

Even a 1% chance is reason for doubt according to the biased false reasoning of OCD. 

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2 hours ago, don't know said:

I watched it to see if I could relate.

Testing compulsion.  Completely typical of OCD.  See my response in the other thread, its all the same thing.  I could break this entire post down by how OCD it is too.

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13 hours ago, don't know said:

Anyway, it just feels as though I've lied to myself, to others, medical professionals. I'm really fed up and I don't know where to turn. 

It's important to remember that Pure was just one person's story with OCD, what she felt and experienced doesn't mean other people with OCD would feel the same as that person or that others can relate to her.  I had my support group last night and we had 10 people in the room, and at times I am sure some in the room couldn't always relate to others.   That's ok, because with OCD we're all different.

The constant doubts and uncertainties you express on here are perhaps a symptom of OCD in itself. As was the need to watch to compare feelings (compulsion - which is why I hate the term Pure O as a side note).

Until you're told otherwise by a mental health professional, continue to assume you have OCD would be my advice.

Stay strong :)

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5 hours ago, Ashley said:

The constant doubts and uncertainties you express on here are perhaps a symptom of OCD in itself. 

 

18 hours ago, taurean said:

For me, when I see such posts, don't know, expressing doubt they ever had OCD and feeling they have wasted everyone's time on the forum - Well that in itself is evidence of OCD. 

Who has told you, don't know, that it might not be OCD?

It seems you have been carrying out a lot of searching, re-assurance-seeking - both of course compulsions consequent upon obsessional thinking - and thus part of the OCD cycle; obsession plus compulsion leading to the disorder you are clearly experiencing. 

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You’ve been told twice that it might not be OCD- but how many times have you been told it IS OCD? A lot more than twice, surely.

I know how you feel as I used to be like you. I read a book on OCD and spent the whole time panicking it didn’t sound like me and I must be a fraud. Looking back now I can see that that was a symptom of my OCD, but it didn’t seem so at the time.

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I've been told by two separate medical professionals. The first one said it wasn't ocd because the patients he had worked with had to physically wash their hands during their sessions and I didn't have that. The second one just kind of looked at me like I didn't fit the bill for it because I couldn't quite describe my symptoms and compulsions.

I've read that people like their thought but they don't. I don't like mines i think I don't anyway, but maybe that's just denial? Some even feel depressed about them, is that me? I understand I'm repeating myself but it's just so difficult when it feels like everything is pointing to the feared conclusion. 

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Nothing is pointing to your fear. Everything is pointing to OCD. 

For it to be OCD, you must have obsessions that cause you distress and compulsions fone to alleviate the distress or stop a bad thing ftom happening. And it all has to negativrly affect your life.

You meet all the criteria. Period. 

Liking or not liking the thoughts is irrelevant. They cause you distress.

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55 minutes ago, don't know said:

The first one said it wasn't ocd because the patients he had worked with had to physically wash their hands during their sessions and I didn't have that.

 

I'm sorry but am I the only one here who thinks this is completely crazy?! Not wanting to wash your hands during the therapy session means you don't have OCD? 

57 minutes ago, don't know said:

it feels like everything is pointing to the feared conclusion. 

 

What exactly is pointing to the feared conclusion? So far nothing in what you have said shows evidence of you being anything other than really anxious. 

4 hours ago, don't know said:

 It seems as though I don't mind the thoughts 

 

Are you sure you don't mind the thoughts? You seem pretty distressed by them...

 

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1 hour ago, don't know said:

I've been told by two separate medical professionals. The first one said it wasn't ocd because the patients he had worked with had to physically wash their hands during their sessions and I didn't have that. The second one just kind of looked at me like I didn't fit the bill for it because I couldn't quite describe my symptoms and compulsions.

Well I would disregard such  uninformed comments. 

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12 hours ago, Ashley said:

which is why I hate the term Pure O as a side note

Right?!?  That stupid term kept me from recognizing my compulsions and doing the necessary therapy for years!  I wish I could banish it from the world!

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Hi, 

i got a bit of a break from this today and was able to feel normal and productive. However, now I'm back to this. It just feels as though everything just points towards me wanting to do these things. I feel as though I don't match up to other people. I keep feeling the need to touch people - I don't want to, but I keep getting it. I'm worried that because one of family members complimented my shoes and I felt happy  that I'll end up attracted to them. I keep comparing my feelings to everyone and I just feel exhausted/no confused is more like it. It's just so complicated. 

I also thought that when it comes to sexual intrusive thoughts not enjoying them meant it was ocd? So, the fact I can't distinguish between means something. 

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6 minutes ago, don't know said:

I also thought that when it comes to sexual intrusive thoughts not enjoying them meant it was ocd? So, the fact I can't distinguish between means something. 

Look at it this way, someone who enjoyed the thoughts would not be panicked, fearful, confused and exhausted about them. 

 

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1 hour ago, don't know said:

Hi, 

i got a bit of a break from this today and was able to feel normal and productive.

That is good! :57439eb60db27_thumbup:

1 hour ago, don't know said:

However, now I'm back to this. It just feels as though everything just points towards me wanting to do these things.

It looks to me like you might have a fear of losing control there. It simply wont happen!

Edited by felix4
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8 hours ago, PolarBear said:

Don't know, what do you want from us? 

No matter what we say or how many times we say it, you just come back with all your reasons why this isn't OCD.

So what do you want from us?

To be fair, I can see how the mental health professionals that DK has seen in the past have contributed to her confusion and reluctance to believe this is OCD. When someone gives you one diagnosis and another dismissed that diagnosis completely because you don't fit all the criteria (e.g. handwashing), I can see why you'd start thinking that you need to fit all the criteria and descriptions perfectly for it to truly be OCD. 

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I'm sorry, I feel horrible. 

I don't know what I want. I just want to know that when I'm feeling fine that is who I am truly am. I want to know my feelings and not doubt them I guess. I don't want to do those things and I hate them. In fact I'm not sure I hate them because I don't get anxiety and it feels like I could. I guess all I want is to know that this isn't me. I know that's a big ask and again, I'm sorry for being such a pain. 

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1 hour ago, don't know said:

I'm sorry, I feel horrible. 

I don't know what I want. I just want to know that when I'm feeling fine that is who I am truly am. I want to know my feelings and not doubt them I guess. I don't want to do those things and I hate them. In fact I'm not sure I hate them because I don't get anxiety and it feels like I could. I guess all I want is to know that this isn't me. I know that's a big ask and again, I'm sorry for being such a pain. 

You have an illness, you shouldn't feel horrible or like you're being a pain. This is incredibly hard and you're struggling, that is okay and we have all been there. I think that in order to get where you want and to trust yourself, you need to start being more open to advice and support. At the moment, you have a lot of people on here who have been giving you good advice and explanations for what is going on, but you're stuck in a loop where none of that is going in and you're just trying to give us more evidence as to why this isn't OCD and your fears are true. I really want to say this in the gentlest way possible, you will continue to be in this loop until you decide to listen and take some of this on board. 

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1 hour ago, don't know said:

I'm sorry, I feel horrible. 

I don't know what I want. I just want to know that when I'm feeling fine that is who I am truly am. I want to know my feelings and not doubt them I guess. I don't want to do those things and I hate them. In fact I'm not sure I hate them because I don't get anxiety and it feels like I could. I guess all I want is to know that this isn't me. I know that's a big ask and again, I'm sorry for being such a pain. 

I want to explain something to you and I really want you to focus. I know that's what you want. It's something every OCD sufferer wants... certainty.

But you cannot get certainty by ruminating, going to those other websites and Googling. You can't. It's a trap. You think you have to do those things to find certainty but it never works. It only makes you more stuck.

This is true. You've been going at this for quite some time. You've been ruminating mightily, visiting those other websites, etc. for a while and where has it all got you? You are more confused, more upset now than before.

Simply: what you are doing is NOT working. Can you agree with that?

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