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Alexandraann88

18 years + with no help

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Hi, I am 30 years old and have had OCD most of my life. I have reached the point where I really need help because it is debilitating my life. My thoughts and rituals mostly seem to revolve around fears of death, illness loved ones dying and myself. A lot of this is at night before I go to sleep. 

Anything can trigger it such as not stopping my book on a page that is the same age as a relative as they could die. Not being able to look in the mirror before I go to bed in case that’s the last time I see myself. Not being able to turn off the lights at a time on my phone that matches a terrible event or someone’s age. Having to check everything in the house having to touch nearly everything I come across evenly on both sides a certain amount of times and doing it again if it’s slightly out of time or not even. There’s also a thing with lights and how I have to have a light on for a certain amou tof time. When I go swimming I can only swim certain lengths that are safe numbers and not to do with illness or death.

I could go on and on about everything I do there is so much but it’s realy taking over my life constantly. It doesn’t stop me doing my job or driving my car but it’s this constant anxiety I can’t rid. I have had counselling spoken to people for advice but people always shake it off and say how everyone is OCD and to just stop doing it but I can’t.

I wondered if anyone has similar anxiety to me and do similar things I’ve never read of anyone doing what I do and would love to feel I am not suffering alone.

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Hi Alexandra and welcome to the forum :)

Im so sorry to hear you are having a terrible time. OCD is very complex and can be about absolutely anything and there is no text book case, it’s very individual, even though it can be very similar. 

I’m not qualified to give you a diagnosis but I can say that with what you have written above definetly sounds like OCD.

The problem is with OCD the longer it’s left untreated the worse it can become :( but the good news is that things can and do get better. The gold standard treatment for OCD is CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) and this should be the therapy you are seeking, have you heard of this ? 

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Sounds like Magical Thinking OCD. Fred Penzel has written an article about it online but I haven’t read that one of his as my issues are different.

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Yes Alexandra this looks like magical thinking OCD. 

We had a secretary at work who was constantly concerned that something bad was going to happen to her husband, just couldn't shake that feeling off, wanted to frequently ring him to make sure he was alright. 

She thought she was going mad. I brought in a case history from an OCD self-help book which was very similar. 

She was so relieved that she wasn't going mad -  her relief was enormous, and she knew she could seek CBT to overcome this. 

There are some excellent CBT self-help books available from the shop on the OCD-UK website. 

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Yes it definitely sounds like magical thinking Alexandra. Before having CBT I suffered terribly with this, I did lots of different rituals from counting, to doing things in a certain way and a certain number of times and at a certain time. So don’t give up hope because with the right treatment things can get better :yes:

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Thank you all of you lostinme taurean and daja. I feel so thankful for your replies and to know there is help out there. I’ve had CBT before but not a good experience. I was told if I can deal with my OCD and get to work, see friends etc then it wasn’t an issue to discuss. I’ve been put off since then. Waiting to find the right counsellor to help 

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Don't take no for an answer. Keep fighting for quality CBT.

Yeah, you may be able to function, but are you content? Can you imagine what you could do with those hours every day lost to compulsions? 

There is a way out. It's hard. Really hard. But the payoff at the end is so worth it!

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7 hours ago, PolarBear said:

Don't take no for an answer. Keep fighting for quality CBT.

Yeah, you may be able to function, but are you content? Can you imagine what you could do with those hours every day lost to compulsions? 

There is a way out. It's hard. Really hard. But the payoff at the end is so worth it!

Thanks do you think CBT is a good option for me then? I just read up on magical thinking and I definitely have that. My thoughts are taken over by it for most of my day 

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Yes Alexandra CBT is your way forward. 

It will take time, and you will need to make the necessary thinking and behavioural changes - but it is so so worthwhile to get one's life back :)

 

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13 hours ago, taurean said:

Yes Alexandra CBT is your way forward. 

It will take time, and you will need to make the necessary thinking and behavioural changes - but it is so so worthwhile to get one's life back :)

 

Thank you I will research into this therapy now 

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