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Advice for living in uncertainty?


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So, little backstory, I suffered from intrusive thoughts/OCD almost five years ago now. I went to see some specialists, and came out of it feel stranger then ever. However, in the last few months my obsessions have started to return with a vengeance. Due to a silly little thing that happened, my brain has decided to latch onto everything it can to prove that something bad will happen that will leave me friendless, homeless etc. I doubt it has helped that my Clomipramine prescription has been changed a bit due to my doctors not getting the right dosages in. Its coming to the point when I fear my confessional OCD is returning. My mum, bless her, always says I can talk to her and I have, but my brain will now try to get new 'confessions' for me to spill, using tricks like "Are you sure she understood?" or "She would have a different reaction if you explained this more!" etc...

Something I have been trying to do if live with uncertainty, and adopt the mantra that anything can happen. Its a bit of a double edged ideology I suppose, on one hand it means that anything bad that my mind makes up could come to fruition, but on the other it means that good things could always happen too, even if the worst happens. I would love it if I could accept this way of thinking, just live in the moment and stop trying to predict the good or bad of the the future. The problem is my brain is not happy with this, always trying to go "Ah, but surely (insert something) means the odds are more likely you should worry about bad things happening!"

So, does anyone have any advice on how to live with uncertainty? To get my brain to accept that nothing really is in my control? I know this sounds like I am look for reasurance, and perhaps it is, but I would like to know other peoples opinion! Thanks!

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Hi Vala, I'm sorry to hear you are having a difficult time right now.  I too have experienced the resurgence of OCD symptoms after a period of things going well so I know how frustrating and exhausting that can be.  To give you some hope I've also found that those periods don't have to be permanent, that you can take steps to get back to a better place and its often easier the second, third, etc. time because you get better and better with practice and experience.  Hopefully you'll be able to square things away with your medication soon.  Thought Clomipramine is used in some cases to treat OCD have you ever tried SSRI's instead?  In general those are the preferred treatment these days, if you need more information on SSRI's there are resources on the main OCD-UK website.  It might be worth discussing with your doctor if this is an option.  Of course if you've tried that and it didn't work, Clomipramine is also an option as you are obviously aware.

Its wonderful that your mother is supportive and caring, that can be a great resource and comfort.  However its also important for your recovery that you don't turn her in to a confessional compulsion outlet.  While everyone can and should feel free to get support and share feelings from time to time, with OCD its important that you be careful about your approach on that.  As you've experienced its very easy for OCD to come up with MORE reasons to confess, really it becomes an endless cycle.

Learning to live with uncertainty can seem very difficult, which is somewhat ironic since the reality is we live with uncertainty every day of our lives, we just don't tend to notice it as much when you don't have/aren't being affected by OCD.  The good news is it sounds like you are already on the right track, understanding that uncertainty is there and that it doesn't mean something will be true (though of course the fear is also there that it is).  The best advice I can give is to keep doing what you are doing, making an effort to accept uncertainty and doing your best to avoid compulsive responses.  One particularly tricky part is rumination, you'll probably find yourself slipping in to it without even realizing it, analyzing your thoughts your anxieties, etc.  Whenever you notice, just do your best to refocus.  If you keep at it, in time the anxiety will fade and the uncertainty will just become "normal' for you again.  Stay vigilant against compulsions and keep doing your best to reframe your thinking.  One step at a time, one day at a time.  Before you know it things will have changed.

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  • 3 weeks later...

A belated thank you for the reply dksea! Your advice really helped, I never really realized just how much I ruminated on things, and how much of a real obsession it was. After making an effort to kinda ignore these thing, I started feeling a lot better. To borrow from Frozen, I decided to just 'Let it go' and not dwell on things. If a thought or rumination came along, I would just treat it as driftwood, seeing that its there, but not engaging with it no matter how much it shouted at me. For a few weeks I felt a lot more at peace, but to my shame I seem to have started slipping back, I think due to some family issues. Still, I feel more hopeful. The fact that I did feel good, at peace, means that I can recover that state of mind, even if the ruminations are trying to take control once more.

Anyway, thanks again! :)

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Guest OCDhavenobrain
On 04/02/2019 at 02:16, dksea said:

Hi Vala, I'm sorry to hear you are having a difficult time right now.  I too have experienced the resurgence of OCD symptoms after a period of things going well so I know how frustrating and exhausting that can be.  To give you some hope I've also found that those periods don't have to be permanent, that you can take steps to get back to a better place and its often easier the second, third, etc. time because you get better and better with practice and experience.  Hopefully you'll be able to square things away with your medication soon.  Thought Clomipramine is used in some cases to treat OCD have you ever tried SSRI's instead?  In general those are the preferred treatment these days, if you need more information on SSRI's there are resources on the main OCD-UK website.  It might be worth discussing with your doctor if this is an option.  Of course if you've tried that and it didn't work, Clomipramine is also an option as you are obviously aware.

Its wonderful that your mother is supportive and caring, that can be a great resource and comfort.  However its also important for your recovery that you don't turn her in to a confessional compulsion outlet.  While everyone can and should feel free to get support and share feelings from time to time, with OCD its important that you be careful about your approach on that.  As you've experienced its very easy for OCD to come up with MORE reasons to confess, really it becomes an endless cycle.

Learning to live with uncertainty can seem very difficult, which is somewhat ironic since the reality is we live with uncertainty every day of our lives, we just don't tend to notice it as much when you don't have/aren't being affected by OCD.  The good news is it sounds like you are already on the right track, understanding that uncertainty is there and that it doesn't mean something will be true (though of course the fear is also there that it is).  The best advice I can give is to keep doing what you are doing, making an effort to accept uncertainty and doing your best to avoid compulsive responses.  One particularly tricky part is rumination, you'll probably find yourself slipping in to it without even realizing it, analyzing your thoughts your anxieties, etc.  Whenever you notice, just do your best to refocus.  If you keep at it, in time the anxiety will fade and the uncertainty will just become "normal' for you again.  Stay vigilant against compulsions and keep doing your best to reframe your thinking.  One step at a time, one day at a time.  Before you know it things will have changed.

Wonderful post.

 

I find OCD to be a little bit ironic, because while we are worrying very much about certain areas, life goes on, we are lucky that our body functions on its own because sometimes you can get a feeling when you have had a period of obsessions when you are wondering how you ended up at this place in one piece, you have been so very stuck in your head.

The OCD tells you that YOU HAVE to worry about a specific area, the thing is that this is NOT true, not true at all, that's our problem. Uncertainty is not your problem. Look back at your old obsessions, because you have them, how do you feel about those obsessions today? Act towards your current obsessions like you do towards your old ones.

Edit: How do you stop it eating your text, damn, not the first time, I should know by now. :fish:

 

Edited by OCDhavenobrain
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