Pure O and Exercise.

[Guest Paul92]

Sorry for posting a new thread but today has been the hardest day of my life. 

I'm still struggling with the thought that nothing is real and that everything is in my mind. That my own mind, wherever it is, has created everything. It's scary. 

I'm trying my best to just label it OCD and carry on. But what's bothering me is that I feel so numb. I don't find anything funny, sad, interesting etc. Just numb to everything and completely hopeless. 

Has anyone felt the same? 

I forced myself to do 20 minutes on my exercise bike about an hour ago, just as I thought it was the last thing I wanted to do. But I just had to let all the frustration out. 

Has anyone found that regular exercise has helped them with pure O concerns? 

[malina]

Hi Paul,

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling like this. I can relate because I've had these worries a lot too. I think OCD just makes you latch on to uncertainty and what can be more uncertain than knowing whether or not the world is real?

With the feeling of numbness, you could be going through depersonalization. I don't know if you're familiar with this concept, it's basically a reaction to anxiety where you start to feel a sense detachment and like you or things around you are not real. I've talked to my therapist a lot about this, it's kind of a coping mechanism so that you don't feel all the anxiety that you'd otherwise feel. It's nothing to be frightened of though, it's just like all the other anxiety that you feel.

I think regular exercise is a good idea for any kind of mental issue, it'll make you feel better and improve your mood. 

[Sputnik]

I can really relate to this. This exact theme emerged for me about 3 years ago, alongside feelings of derealisation/depersonalisation, and I had no idea it was OCD for quite a long time (I didn't realise the extent OCD themes could go to, or that they could be about basically anything). I have had some CBT in the past and I'm currently on a waiting list for CBT.

I know it can feel really scary, I go through long periods of not being bothered by these particular thoughts at all and then suddenly getting a huge amount of anxiety because of them. But I have found that through researching and the realisation that this is OCD, the thoughts seem to have become somewhat less threatening.

I hope knowing that other people experience this as well is of some encouragement  

Exercise sounds good! Working on something physical probably also helps give your brain a break, I would imagine.

[paradoxer]

Exercise isn't a magic bullet - but it helps you keep in shape anyway, and sometimes is a remedy for rumination. Nothing to lose, (OCD wise) perhaps something to gain. 

[dksea]

8 hours ago, Paul92 said:

Has anyone found that regular exercise has helped them with pure O concerns?

Agree with paradoxer exercise isn't a magic bullet.  Your post very much reads like someone searching for one (I've been there, I understand).  I find regular exercise to be beneficial to my overall health including my mental health, but its important not to lose sight of the CBT process, of working to avoid rumination and other compulsions, of working to reevaluate your thinking, of taking the steps, one day at a time to take on OCD in a methodical and determined fashion.  Exercise, like mindful meditation, proper eating, etc. can all help, which is great, just keep things in perspective.

Edited February 4, 2019 by dksea

[Guest Paul92]

It's just so hard.. trying to live normally with the possibility of nothing being real. I just feel so numb. I can't eat or anything. 

And from what I can see, nobody ever totally gets over this one. I can't live my life like this, it's hell. 

I'll never know if anyone is real. But just going through life pretending is exhausting. 

I've done everything I can to avoid ruminating for the past few days but if anything I feel even worse. Absolute rock bottom. 

I feel like I need to be on a psych ward. I can't work like this, it's just torture. Give me anything but this anything. 

Edited February 4, 2019 by Paul92

[paradoxer]

On 03/02/2019 at 23:30, Paul92 said:

It's just so hard.. trying to live normally with the possibility of nothing being real. I just feel so numb. I can't eat or anything. 

And from what I can see, nobody ever totally gets over this one. I can't live my life like this, it's hell. 

I'll never know if anyone is real. But just going through life pretending is exhausting. 

I've done everything I can to avoid ruminating for the past few days but if anything I feel even worse. Absolute rock bottom. 

I feel like I need to be on a psych ward. I can't work like this, it's just torture. Give me anything but this anything. 

Paul92 this isn't the place or time to discuss the philosophical aspects of solipsism ... I might be writing this response to no one. The point is I don't care. Why? Because it's not an OCD theme of mine. 'Nothing being real' or the chance of that being true, isn't your problem, OCD is. The way forward, is to stop jumping to the disorder's commands. 

[Guest Paul92]

Yeh, I'm doing my best. Just sticking to not getting involved with it. I get periods when I feel better, it's just hard to believe that I'll ever be able to completely forget about this one, but we will see I guess 

[dksea]

On 04/02/2019 at 16:30, Paul92 said:

And from what I can see, nobody ever totally gets over this one. I can't live my life like this, it's hell. 

Ok, lets start with this, because its absolutely untrue.  People have questioned the nature of reality for thousands of years.  Even before we had a concept of computers and artificial intelligence people wondered if life was all a dream, an illusion, etc.  Some philosophers spend years of their lives pondering the question, writing about the question, discussing the question.  Movies have been made about it, books written about it, songs sung about it.  Everyone who watched The Matrix thought about it, because it was a plot point of the whole movie.  And the vast vast majority of those people probably didn't think much of it after the credits began to roll.  Even those who continued to think about the questions the movie (and its sequels, ugh) raised afterwards did so while getting on with their lives.  Nobody ever totally gets over this?  On the contrary, nearly everyone "gets over" it, in fact for most people its not even a thing to get over.  Its a curiosity, a mildly interesting topic to debate at dinner parties.  Its one, of many, likely unanswerable questions.

As for not wanting to live your life like this, for the suffering you are genuinely going through, that part is true, you are clearly unhappy and suffering and thats of course a bad thing.  But the reason you are suffering is not because of the question of the nature of reality, the reason you are suffering is because you have fallen in to a trap of incorrectly associating meaning and anxiety with an intrusive thought.

 

On 04/02/2019 at 16:30, Paul92 said:

I'll never know if anyone is real. But just going through life pretending is exhausting. 

True, you will probably never be able to answer the question of whether the life you experience is "real" or an advanced simulation, or a dream, etc.  That is true for literally every person on the planet, we are all in the same boat.  And here is the important part: So what?  No seriously, so what?  So what if its all a dream, so what if its an advanced computer simulation, so what if i'm a figment of your imagination (or you are a figment of mine).  If you can't tell the difference it doesn't matter! You are assigning significance and importance to a random, intrusive, unanswerable thought.  You are allowing yourself to associate that thought with meaning when you don't have to.

Clearly you are having a rough time right now, and that sucks.  You feel down, you feel numb, you do not like the anxiety that you are feeling associated with this thought.  And thats all understandable.  No one likes OCD anxiety, we'd all be much happier if it didn't happen.  But, unfortunately, it does happen, and so like any other unpleasant situation in life, we have to deal with it.  Right now you are feeling doubt and anxiety around this "what if the world isn't real" intrusive thought.  Ok, its time to give yourself permission to not solve that question.  Its time to tell yourself that its ok to be not sure about it.  That you will just continue to live your life even though you may never know the answer.  The reality is you do that all the time, we all do.  There are any number of things we want to know or think we want to know, but never do in life.  We are limited, non-omniscient, beings.  We can't know all the answers, its just not in the cards.  OCD drives us to want to eliminate all doubt (at least about a particular topic) but the reality is thats an impossible goal.  There is always doubt, there is always uncertainty, its the nature of the world we live in.

Meanwhile, you aren't pretending, pretending would be if you KNEW something wasn't true but decided to act like it is.  Instead you are in the opposite situation, you have zero reasonable evidence to believe that the world around you isn't real.  As far as you can tell, as far as you know, it is.  Continuing to live your life with that assumption is the most logical, non-pretending thing you can do.

 

On 04/02/2019 at 16:30, Paul92 said:

I've done everything I can to avoid ruminating for the past few days but if anything I feel even worse. Absolute rock bottom. 

When a smoker stops smoking, the beginning part is the hardest.  When a lazy couch potato starts exercising, the beginning part is the hardest.  When you start taking on OCD and learning how to resist compulsions, its hard.  You are at a difficult stage and things feel rough, but evidence shows, experience shows, that if you stick with it, it gets easier because more and more you get better at it, whether its avoiding rumination or stopping smoking or getting in shape.  It can feel like things will never get better, that you'll never be able to get over this particular worry, I know because I have been there myself.  I have been in the place you are now, and trust me, I know that it sucks.  But i've also come through the other side, and I know that it does change.  And my experience is typical of people who go through OCD treatment, i'm really not particularly special in that regard.  

 

On 04/02/2019 at 16:30, Paul92 said:

Give me anything but this anything. 

I've had this thought too, and i've had it multiple times through different obsessive worries.  Each time I was sure that this or that anxiety was the worst, and the reality is, its not what i was worried about that was the reason it felt like the worst.  It was because at that time I was feeling anxiety and suffering.  You could swap out the worry for any other worry and i honestly would have felt the same, i honestly would have said "that worry is easier than this one!" But the only reason that was true is because i'd overcome the other worry already.  Trust me, if we swapped out this worry for another one, you'd feel the same you'd say "Give me anything but THIS anything".   Yes, where you are right now sucks, but the good news is it can be temporary (if you take the steps to recover) and you can beat it, millions of people have and its not because they were super strong, its because they did the work and stuck it out.  You can too.   Just take it one day at a time for now and do your best.  You don't have to be perfect, you'll almost certainly make mistakes.  But if you keep going, if you keep trying, if you focus on your short term goals eventually you'll get to where you want to be, a place where thoughts like this are just background noise, are meaningless to you, cause little to no anxiety.  Its 100% possible to do it, I am proof, other people here are proof.  You can do it too.  Hang in there.

[Orwell1984]

On 04/02/2019 at 07:30, Paul92 said:

And from what I can see, nobody ever totally gets over this one. I can't live my life like this, it's hell. 

Yes they do. And it's brilliant when you come out the other side of it! 

[Guest Paul92]

I'm feeling quite a bit better. I've been doing everything everyone has been saying. I have had the temptation to Google things and ruminate but I've resisted and just carried on as I would. I definitely feel better but the uncertainty still bugs me a little. I will keep going though. It's the only option I have, really. I do keep finding myself ruminating and the whole idea of solipsism and the new age spirituality movement does keep coming into my head a lot, but I'm trying to label it OCD and just refocus.

Thank you all for your support and help. I've really stuck to my guns this time and the support on here has been brilliant.

It does still scare me that I might never get to a point where it really doesn't bother me and that I completely believe people are real individuals, but I guess it is relatively early days.

 

[malina]

55 minutes ago, Paul92 said:

I'm feeling quite a bit better. I've been doing everything everyone has been saying. I have had the temptation to Google things and ruminate but I've resisted and just carried on as I would. I definitely feel better but the uncertainty still bugs me a little. I will keep going though. It's the only option I have, really. I do keep finding myself ruminating and the whole idea of solipsism and the new age spirituality movement does keep coming into my head a lot, but I'm trying to label it OCD and just refocus.

Thank you all for your support and help. I've really stuck to my guns this time and the support on here has been brilliant.

It does still scare me that I might never get to a point where it really doesn't bother me and that I completely believe people are real individuals, but I guess it is relatively early days.

 

Well done, you should be proud of yourself!! 

You will get to a point where it doesn't bother you, it'll take time but hang in there.