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malina

Intrusive thoughts replaced by complete confusion

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Hi all,

I've been finding therapy really helpful, my intrusive harm thoughts are going down A LOT. They appear less often and seem more manageable when they do. The only thing is that I'm not really feeling relieved or even happy. I just feel either a sense of emptiness of general worry about life and my future. I just wondered if anybody could relate to this from their own recovery process?

It's kind of like - without the anxiety, who am I? And it may be getting better now, but will it come back and how much worse will it be?

I'm generally at a big turning point in life. I'm in a long term relationship and I can see myself getting married and starting my own family within the next few years. I honestly want this so much but I'm just so afraid of whether I can handle it and how the OCD will play into all of this.

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Hi malina. Read my new topic about recovery. You need to give things time, you are only part of the way along the course.

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Hi Malinda, I think a lot of us who are in recovery can relate to what you said. It feels strange to not have the usual accompaniment of intrusive thoughts, fear and urge to analyse. The feeling of emptiness and uncertainty about what happens next and the future in general will be short lived though because the more you engage and focus on non OCD things that make up normal life, the more you will realise that life is good despite any uncertainties. So keep doing what you are doing and just treat the fears about the future as a normal part of the process that you don't need to analyse. You are getting better and believe me, life will feel enriching and absorbing at some point soon. It happens on its own, just go with it :) 

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That is great that you've made so much progress malina--you're an inspiration!

Yes I imagine as Orwell says that as you fill your life with positive things that can now happen in the absence of consuming obsessions and compulsions, you will find that emptiness to be a short-term issue.

How lovely for you to be at this turning point--allow yourself the time to accept that you can trust the recovery process and that you can handle (and enjoy!) a good long term relationship and anything else you want for your life.

Wishing you all the joy and richness life has to offer!

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Thank you so much for your kind words everyone. I think that I have just gotten so used to feeling anxious or detached from everything that I've forgotten about the real things in life.

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