Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
Em00

Regret and guilt / obsessions

Recommended Posts

So I've been 'dealing' with obsessive thoughts and guilt around things I may or may not have done in the past, am I a bad person etc for years now. Before that is was different obsessions. 

In the past year I've been working in therapy on it, challenging thoughts, mindfulness, avoiding compulsions etc. Things have been getting marginally easier. But in the past year it's also started to catch onto things in my relationship. Things I've done, am I bad, should someone love me etc etc. It's flared up really badly this weekend and I feel terrible. It feels terrifying. Eg a drunken kiss from years and years ago my partner knows about. Other things, have I explained them properly. 

But it makes me think - where is the line, if you HAVE done bad things, surely that's not a psychological disorder, that just you feeling legitimate guilt? I feel like I'm trying to let myself of the hook by thinking I have ocd. I'm still a bad person, I just feel bad about it which is my own stupid fault. 

I feel like my brain is constantly at war with myself. 

Edited by Em00

Share this post


Link to post

It's interesting--I've just been thinking about the role guilt and shame plays in OCD. I know for me its quite a big issue and reading other posts here I can see its big.

I think it comes down to the question of just how far do we carry things. Your example there of carrying on guilt about a kiss from years ago that your partner knows about is a great example. Definitely time to let that one go!

Certainly we make mistakes, do bad things etc--we are human. so when can we allow ourselves to let it go and move on?

Maybe cognitively try and think about if it was a friend of yours that was feeling this way about things they've done--would you forgive them? or would you think of them as a bad person that should feel forever guilty and ashamed?

Forgiveness is a wonderful gift we can give to others and ourselves!

Share this post


Link to post

I struggle with it a lot. I have Aspergers too so tend to have quite rigid thoughts on right and wrong. I'm constantly trying to work out whether what I'm thinking is accurate and realistic. I'm trying to work on self compassion and being kinder to myself. But my brain always comes up with another angle as to why I'm bad. I'm just not sure if I'm trying to make excuses for myself by thinking I have ocd.

Share this post


Link to post

The clue is the 'guilt'. Real guilt never feels as bad as the hyper-injected OCD simulation. And cognitively, don't try to be 'good' No one else is, and if they maintain they are, that's just smug anyway, and, consequently, no good. :; Be human, and don't let a disorder get the better of you.  

Share this post


Link to post
11 hours ago, Em00 said:

So I've been 'dealing' with obsessive thoughts and guilt around things I may or may not have done in the past, am I a bad person etc for years now. Before that is was different obsessions. 

In the past year I've been working in therapy on it, challenging thoughts, mindfulness, avoiding compulsions etc. Things have been getting marginally easier. But in the past year it's also started to catch onto things in my relationship. Things I've done, am I bad, should someone love me etc etc. It's flared up really badly this weekend and I feel terrible. It feels terrifying. Eg a drunken kiss from years and years ago my partner knows about. Other things, have I explained them properly. 

But it makes me think - where is the line, if you HAVE done bad things, surely that's not a psychological disorder, that just you feeling legitimate guilt? I feel like I'm trying to let myself of the hook by thinking I have ocd. I'm still a bad person, I just feel bad about it which is my own stupid fault. 

I feel like my brain is constantly at war with myself. 

What's wrong with letting yourself off the hook? Everyone else does. 

Share this post


Link to post
19 hours ago, Em00 said:

I struggle with it a lot. I have Aspergers too so tend to have quite rigid thoughts on right and wrong. I'm constantly trying to work out whether what I'm thinking is accurate and realistic. I'm trying to work on self compassion and being kinder to myself. But my brain always comes up with another angle as to why I'm bad. I'm just not sure if I'm trying to make excuses for myself by thinking I have ocd.

Yes I think black and white thinking is quite common with ocd. self-compassion is so important!

18 hours ago, paradoxer said:

And cognitively, don't try to be 'good' No one else is, and if they maintain they are, that's just smug anyway, and, consequently, no good. :; Be human, and don't let a disorder get the better of you.  

I like that a lot!

Be human and know we all make mistakes and that's ok--it doesn't mean we're bad--just human! :)

Share this post


Link to post
17 hours ago, PolarBear said:

What's wrong with letting yourself off the hook? Everyone else does. 

Letting myself off the hook by thinking it's ocd or letting myself off the hook for doing bad things? 

Share this post


Link to post

I'm definitely working on the self compassion stuff. Trying. And trying to not do the fact checking, googling and reassurance seeking. My brain feels 'itchy' but trying to sit with it. 

 

Share this post


Link to post
4 hours ago, Em00 said:

Letting myself off the hook by thinking it's ocd or letting myself off the hook for doing bad things? 

Both but especially the latter. So you did bad things. Unlikely they are all that bad. They just seem like it right now. And so what? Who said you have to punish yourself for screwing up?

Share this post


Link to post
On ‎13‎/‎02‎/‎2019 at 08:45, Em00 said:

I'm definitely working on the self compassion stuff. Trying. And trying to not do the fact checking, googling and reassurance seeking. My brain feels 'itchy' but trying to sit with it. 

 

yes that itchy brain feeling--hard not to scratch I know! but that is the way!

Share this post


Link to post
On 13/02/2019 at 08:09, leif said:

Yes I think black and white thinking is quite common with ocd. self-compassion is so important!

I like that a lot!

Be human and know we all make mistakes and that's ok--it doesn't mean we're bad--just human! :)

:yes:

Share this post


Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...