First post in years! Please help.

[Lisa123]

Hi there

 

I haven't used this site for about 18 months as my OCD went into remission but sadly it's came back again recently with a vengeance, probably because I've been under a lot of stress. I have had one obsession after another the last few weeks, getting rid of one before another takes its place. I've started back on my citalopram 10 days ago.

 

I'm stuck on my current worry. I'm not sure if it's just anxiety or an obsession so I'm not sure how to deal with it. I was looking for some advice please!

 

I had a really bad OCD episode a few weeks ago that caused my anxiety to spiral sky high and convinced me that I'd done something really bad. After a few days my anxiety dropped and I could see the obsession for the ridiculous nonsense it was. I'm open with my mum about my anxiety and I told her about that particular obsession and we had a good laugh at how silly it was. However the next day I started worrying that she would tell my dad and brothers about it but would retell the story in a way that made it sound like I'd actually done something really wrong! My mum is prone to misinterpreting things wrong or exaggerating stories so I think this is what partly lies behind my worries. I sought reassurance from her twice (bad, I know) that she hadn't told anyone what we'd discussed but I'm still really worried that she's told the rest of my family about what I said (an incorrect bad sounding version) and that they know and are judging me silently!!

 

I realise this is v unlikely as my mum didn't think anything of what I told her, in fact she said she hadn't given it a second thought but I now feel really nervous around the rest of my family and have had an overwhelming urge to confess my old obsession to clear the air and ease my mind that they have got the right story. I've fought this urge so far but my anxiety is still sky high. This is really upsetting for me as I'm close to my family and hate feeling awkward around them. It doesn't make any sense really as my family aren't acting any differently towards me and I have no evidence my mum has told them anything. I realise that it's all in my head but I can't stop thinking about it!

 

I suspect this is just another new obsession my OCD had zoomed in on. I have told my mum similar things in the past without developing worries like this. However, I have had a very similar experience like this when I last had OCD which I treated as an obsession and it eventually faded and disappeared. Would I be right I that its another obsession? How should I handle it?

 

thanks in advance.

[leif]

HI Lisa123

Sorry to hear you are going through a hard time after a long time of doing well. Good you are back on the medication.

I feel like you know exactly what to do in this situation--I can hear your logical mind at work throughout your post, (see quotes below)

40 minutes ago, Lisa123 said:

I suspect this is just another new obsession my OCD had zoomed in on.

 

40 minutes ago, Lisa123 said:

 have had a very similar experience like this when I last had OCD which I treated as an obsession and it eventually faded and disappeared.

 

Keep listening to that logical side and don't give into your fearful ocd thoughts. that will only make things worse for your ocd.

I know it feels hard to not give into compulsions, but that is the only way to go.

 

wishing you well!

 

[Andrea]

Hi lisa123 ,

Sorry to hear you are having a tough time. I agree with leif :  "Keep listening to that logical side and don't give into your fearful ocd thoughts. that will only make things worse for your ocd." 

Don't listen to your OCD. You know that all this fear about your mum telling how you feel to your family is just OCD bothering you to make you feel bad.

Resist! Don't listen to your OCD! You can do it!

big hug

[Lisa123]

Thank you for your advice It's made me feel better as I wasn't sure if it was OCD or an actual rational worry! Sometimes it's hard to tell.

This current obsession has been bothering me for about a week. It would be so easy to just confess to my dad and brother as I know that would make the obsession effectively disappear but I know long term that would only make things worse. 

 

I was doin well with it earlier last week to the point it was fading a lot but yesterday morning it just came back fighting with a vengeance, stronger than ever.

 

i will keep trying hard to resist.