OCD and grieving

[oetegenn1976]

I am totally losing it....I just don't know what to do or how to feel anymore! I am in total agony emotionally and mentally.

My brother in law passed away on the 10th February and it was my son's twelfth birthday and we were all celebrating at a fun place, I didnt for the life of me know that he was going to suddenly die in the car park! I am heart broken and so depressed that I'm not functioning at all, god knows how my sister is feeling! 

I know I'm grieving and I know I will be for some time.  I'm just hurting so bad and my OCD is not helping at all.  I keep having horrible irrational thoughts regarding life and death, I am also so scared to see people in case something bad happens to them too.  My mind is just thinking silly thoughts all the time and I'm scared I'm going crazy.  I've been having panic attacks cos I'm frighted that I might die like he did.  I feel so out of control cos I know I can't control this.  I'm just so scared with how I'm feeling and ocd isn't helping me heal.  Whilst typing this I can feel my anxiety rising! I just can't cope at all. He was only 46 years old..... I'm devastated x

[BelAnna]

How awful. I'm so sorry- you poor thing and your poor sister. 

You are not going crazy- these thoughts are normal responses to grief and you are experiencing a particularly traumatic loss. Witnessing a family member pass away in the way you did can lead to Post-traumatic stress reactions so do try to see a grief counsellor, Psychologist or your GP if you can. 

No-one will die because you see them. That is just a horrible mix of grief and OCD playing on your worst fears. If you can speak to a close friend then that could help you to talk things through because your family are all in the situation with you and might not be able to help. I'm so sorry, it's no wonder you're devastated. xx

Edited February 19, 2019 by BelAnna

[oetegenn1976]

Thank you so much for reply, my ocd is messing with me again....as the doctor rang me and told me the blood test I had done last week as come back raised and need an ultrasound.  It's one thing after another.  My anxiety is through the roof and I'm so scared its ovarian cancer as my ca125 levels are raised! I hate this year....