Symptoms changing

[malina]

Hi,

as some of you know I've been dealing with harm OCD for the last few months, that is the main theme for me. I have other issues related to OCD but this is the most frightening and the one that has caused me the most pain. CBT and ERP are helping and are less challenging than when I first started. However, it seems like my OCD shifts form every now and again and I don't really know what to do with that.

I don't want to go into too much detail but the harm issue is always about myself, except tonight for the first time, I started fearing that I would harm my partner. It feels different and it's an entirely new kind of awful. I am trying to tell myself that I know that this is and I have to deal with it in the same way - trying to think rationally and no avoiding!

However, one part of me is scared because I was starting to feel a lot better and I now worry that this was all a lie. I'm scared that the OCD is just going to throw new things at me and that I'll be getting worse and worse with time. I know it's illogical but I just want to know if others experience this too - that you improve on one symptom and yet something entirely new emerges and you just feel frozen?

[Lisa123]

Yip this sounds familiar.

i too have harm OCD. I had one obsession for years then as soon as I thought I was over it it suddenly twisted and changed focus.

All very distressing and upsetting. OcD is a bully and I find that it comes back stronger and more vicious when you put up a fight against it. You have my every sympathy.

[malina]

2 minutes ago, Lisa123 said:

Yip this sounds familiar.

i too have harm OCD. I had one obsession for years then as soon as I thought I was over it it suddenly twisted and changed focus.

All very distressing and upsetting. OcD is a bully and I find that it comes back stronger and more vicious when you put up a fight against it. You have my every sympathy.

Thanks Lisa, I find this the most challenging to deal with and I have such a long history with it. I've been through so much because of this and yet it's absurd, I have never hurt myself or anyone, nor do I believe that I'm capable of it. I think the OCD just latches onto what we percieve as the worst case scenario and makes us think that this is the truth. I've been through this before and I'm a strong believer that it can get better, but when things change and something new is thrown in the mix it's hard to deal with. 

[Lisa123]

2 minutes ago, malina said:

Thanks Lisa, I find this the most challenging to deal with and I have such a long history with it. I've been through so much because of this and yet it's absurd, I have never hurt myself or anyone, nor do I believe that I'm capable of it. I think the OCD just latches onto what we percieve as the worst case scenario and makes us think that this is the truth. I've been through this before and I'm a strong believer that it can get better, but when things change and something new is thrown in the mix it's hard to deal with. 

Malina - it Is hard to deal with, it takes you by surprise and is very hard to deal with after feeling better but treat the new focus the same way as the old one. You will find it fades in time.

[malina]

2 minutes ago, Lisa123 said:

Malina - it Is hard to deal with, it takes you by surprise and is very hard to deal with after feeling better but treat the new focus the same way as the old one. You will find it fades in time.

Thanks Lisa, it's reassuring to know that at least I'm not alone in feeling like this xx

[Andrea]

Hi malina 

I am sorry you are having a hard time.

I have harm OCD too malina you are not alone.  You have to keep in mind that even though your OCD pointed out your parter, it is still OCD. In other words, there is nothing to really worry about because is just OCD, a stupid imaginary bully without real power. 

big hug 

[leif]

Yes I too find it hard when ocd changes form and it often tricks me the first couple of times, but then I start to recognize it as the new form and I can start tackling the new one...

Keep up all the great work you've been doing Malina!

[paradoxer]

OCD's standard MO. But from a cognitive POV, the fact it jumps, morphs, can be your friend. The perpetual cry wolf syndrome, 'if it isn't one thing, it's another', reveals OCD to be the time-wasting fraud that it is. A useful insight into tackling the disorder. 

[malina]

Thanks so much for your support guys! Well last night I tried to employ what I've been learning in CBT to fight this situation - I forced myself to use a knife to chop up some veggies for dinner and some bread, I washed it and left it out to dry rather than putting it away. Initially it felt like nothing could change how I was feeling, but it helped. The thoughts are still there but they feel more frustrating than life shattering so I guess we can call that progress!

[dksea]

16 hours ago, malina said:

However, one part of me is scared because I was starting to feel a lot better and I now worry that this was all a lie. I'm scared that the OCD is just going to throw new things at me and that I'll be getting worse and worse with time. I know it's illogical but I just want to know if others experience this too - that you improve on one symptom and yet something entirely new emerges and you just feel frozen?

You are definitely not alone, over time my OCD intrusive thoughts have varied too.  Its unfortunate, unlike a straight phobia, OCD isn't really about the specific fear, so getting over the fear doesn't mean everything is done.  Our brains still have the whatever it is part malfunctioning, so we remain somewhat vulnerable to new intrusive thoughts getting stuck.  And of course its frustating and somewhat demoralizing to feel like you've turned a corner and then run into a new obstacle.  It makes you question what you've achieved (as you mention) and of course the doubt of OCD itself kicks right in with that too.

The good news is the techniques you learn in dealing with one area can be applied to a new one. In general I have found that its easier to deal with new worries compared to the older ones I struggled with. You not only improve your CBT skills through learning, but you also can remind yourself of your successes and use those to motivate you, you did it once, you cna do it again right?

 

3 hours ago, malina said:

The thoughts are still there but they feel more frustrating than life shattering so I guess we can call that progress!

Definitely progress!  And I think we all deserve the right to feel frustrated from time to time at what we have to deal with thanks to OCD. It sounds like you are doing the right things to challenge the OCD doubt, so keep up the good work, and hang in there!
 

[leif]

6 hours ago, malina said:

I forced myself to use a knife to chop up some veggies for dinner and some bread, I washed it and left it out to dry rather than putting it away. Initially it felt like nothing could change how I was feeling, but it helped. The thoughts are still there but they feel more frustrating than life shattering so I guess we can call that progress!

So great Malina!! Yes definite progress--pushing through when ocd is at its more challenging times gives us a lot of strength and confidence. Keep at it!