Lincoln'sBeard Posted February 22, 2019 Share Posted February 22, 2019 (edited) Hello, I want to get advice from you since I don’t have people I can talk to about this. I don’t think my family will help me and I don’t have close friends who I can talk to about this kind of issues. I also don't have money for a good therapist right now. Hope you help me, I will be thankful. I don’t know for real whether I have OCD and whether I am in right place to talk to. Nevertheless, I have been diagnosed with OCD and depression, but I doubted it since the doctor guy just gave me some tests, asked some questions and it all lasted like 30 minutes, I wasn’t sure that it all was serious (considering Ukraine’s level of medicine). I also experienced lots of ‘looks-like-OCD’ stuff and read books on it what helped me. One of the things that bother me is low probability fear. Getting to the point: I am a debater and I have a blog where I put an opinion on some controversial topics every day (not necessarily my opinion). So one of my topics 2 days ago was ‘The state must provide a free lethal injection to everyone’. Randomly, the side for me was the proposition, so I wrote an essay, why this thing should exist. My points were that every person has the right to die because of individual freedom and that in status-quo alternatives to make suicide are worse (i.e. more painful). I posted it for my audience of 200+ people inserting the picture of psychological help phone numbers. Also in the text, there was a phrase “Despite the fact potential suicides are told that it is not an option, they still do it…”. Despite this, started doubting. I got fear that my post may encourage someone to make suicide even if not rationally but emotionally, I got thoughts that I normalize a person’s decision to kill him/herself supporting the motion and writing my arguments. I thought ‘Maybe a person reads, gets the idea that he has the right to kill itself and with my help in this way will eventually do this’. Though, I understand that I didn’t call anyone to make suicide and even made some things vice versa, by adding the pic and the phrase. A day ago I deleted the post being under this pressure. I still got no relief because I feel urge that I must write a message on the channel to any person who read the post previously that they should not kill themselves. In the same time I don’t want to do this: 1. I believe that the chance of someone making suicide is extremely small. 2. This kind of message doesn’t fit in my blog, and I feel ashamed I post it for some reason. Maybe be because I go against my and my community’s values about that the freedom of speech is important and like this looks like BS and weakness. In the same time, I feel ashamed right now because I haven’t done it. I also found other websites where people discuss whether a person has a right to die. And I think ‘It’s okay, it’s about discussion, no one is inspired to die (probably)’. So right now I feel bad and guilty that if I don’t post ‘Please guys don’t kill yourselves if you read my post’ then I will be responsible if someone dies because of my recent post even though I believe didn’t encourage anyone to die, I just analyzed why the person has a right to die and where does it come from. Maybe it’s a non-OCD issue and I am just too egoistic to post that message having danger of someone dying even if it’s small. I don’t have a real feeling of confidence on this either. Hope you may explain what’s going on in my head from a ‘normal person’ perspective (people who don't have this kind of thing) . Edited February 22, 2019 by Lincoln'sBeard Link to comment
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