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5 hours ago, Paul92 said:

Just with this theme, I feel like it's different

If I had a dollar/euro/pound for every time I've seen this statement (or a variation on it) from a person on this message board, I could fund OCD-UK for a hundred years :)

It IS different in the sense you are dealing with a different anxiety, but the underlying pattern, and how to address it, is the same.

 

17 hours ago, Paul92 said:

But you simply cannot argue with impermanence of everything.

Taurean's observation and advice are spot on.  It's not that we disagree with you that time is passing, its that we don't particularly worry about it.  It just is, a thing that we can't change, so what will worrying about it do? 

I will probably die someday.  But I'm not dead now.
Humanity will probably go extinct some day.  But it's not extinct now.

Oh, also, and this doesn't really change anything about your OCD, but the universe probably WONT end someday, according to the current models at least, it will just continue expanding until the point where everything is too spread out to interact with anything else, on like a subatomic level even.  Regardless it won't be the type of environment that can support life as we know it.  BUT, its not that way now.

You can waste your life worrying about things that you can't change, or you can live it.  Thats a choice you can make.  You may/will still get intrusive thoughts about it, but thats just OCD demanding you play its game and the reality is you don't have to.  You don't have to "solve" these problems or come up with answers.  You can just live your life, you are totally allowed to do that.

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Speaking of the heat death of the universe, according to all the current models and data it is expected to occur on the order of 1E1000 years, that is, 1 followed by 1000 zeros.

That is a HUGE number.  Its so huge its practically impossible to conceptualize.  But to give you an idea of what you are talking about, consider the following:
The age of the universe is roughly 1.4E10 years old.
The age of the universe in seconds is about 4.3E17
The age of the universe in plank time, the smallest possible division of time, is about 1E53
The number of atoms that make up everything on earth is about 1E50
The number of particles that make up everything in the observable universe is 1E80
Basically nothing meaningful that exists or has existed in the entirety of the universe can even be measured in units above that.  Yet the predicted eventually heat death of the universe is virtually incomprehensibly longer than that.

That is what you are ultimately worried about.  The eventually fate of something that has, for all intents and purposes, barely even begun. Does it really strike you as reasonable to spend so much time worrying about something like that?

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@dksea Thank you for your support. I really do appreciate it. I'm really trying my best. Like I say, sometimes it feels different to OCD but I'll do the work. As you know, it's just difficult. If I focus on something I just think what's the point, it'll be over soon etc etc. But I'm willing to go to hell and back if there's a chance I can get my old self back.

Thanks again. 

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4 hours ago, dksea said:

You can waste your life worrying about things that you can't change, or you can live it.  Thats a choice you can make.  You may/will still get intrusive thoughts about it, but thats just OCD demanding you play its game and the reality is you don't have to.  You don't have to "solve" these problems or come up with answers.  You can just live your life, you are totally allowed to do that.

And that's what we do, we who are in a good place with whatever way our OCD tries to take us. 

We do occasionally get intrusive thoughts but they are treated as "just our silly obsession" and gently, but firmly, eased away. 

To get to that stage takes a lot of work, a lot of putting into practice what we have been told to do. 

But we have learned as well not to worry. We follow the serenity prayer:

 God grant me the serenity 
To accept the things I cannot change; 
Courage to change the things I can; 
And wisdom to know the difference. 

There was a time when my wife and I really struggled with this, and I had become a compulsive worrier. 

We bought a small laminated card of this prayer in church, and displayed it prominently in our kitchen. 

Anyone - whether religious or not - that applies this concept will find it beneficial. 

Everyone who is consumed by OCD needs to change their thinking and behavioural response to the core belief, and connected intrusive thoughts, of OCD. 

Without doing this we cannot recover. 

But we can improve our position, we can learn to at least manage how we are doing. 

But only by putting in the work. 

The best OCD therapist in the world cannot help a sufferer if they don't make the necessary thinking and behavioural changes. 

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Oh it's terribly difficult. We know that. Overcoming OCD is relatively simple but it's really hard to do.

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