Relapse panic mode please help anyone ?

[AlexSmith]

I suffer From cheatingOCD .

i went to a family gathering on friday night .

i had a few drinks and remember the whole night . 

there was a very attractive lady their with her husband and i didnt no who they were . i didnt even speak to them or anything .

the next day i woke up . i am going to go into detail here i felt very horny because my girlfriend was away for the weekend . And i performed masturbation on my self . Im guilty that i thought about this lady who was at my gathering and while i was doing this aha . sorry for going into to much detail . but a vision came up while i was masturbating over her , it was a vision of me and her having sex in the venues toilet . 

i didnt even speak to the lady or the couple so i dont understand that its making me believe this is a real memory ,

i have had visions like this before kissing and sex after drinks at a party even sober times at a party  aswell what i believed to be true but they never turned out to be true .

but it felt different this time because it was during masturbation . it really scared me . anyone else had this happened to them . it effects me and my relationship .

[dksea]

Hi Alex, 

Sorry to hear you are having a rough time. Part of overcoming OCD is learning to recognize the compulsions you are engaging in, in this case confession and reassurance seeking.  You may not realize you are doing that, it’s a very common trap to fall in to, because absent OCD it’s a typical behavior when you are not sue about something. The problem is, even if we tell you that sexual fantasies are normal (which they are) you will likely only get brief relief before the doubt creeps in again.  I can already tell because of phrases like: 

3 hours ago, AlexSmith said:

but it felt different this time

If I had a dollar for every time I’ve seen someone say that on this forum I could sponsor OCD-UK single handedly

OCD demands certainty in a way that is simply impossible to achieve.  Overcoming OCD includes learning to understand that you can’t give that certainty, no matter how many compulsions you do or how long you ruminate on it.  Work on accepting that doubt is part of life and that compulsions make OCD worse, not better. That’s the way forward. 

[PolarBear]

Alex, it was an intrusive thought. Nothing more. Your job is to not engage with it. Leave it alone. Stop trying to figure it out.

[AlexSmith]

i know i was masturbating over the lady at the party , but why did a image of me having sex with in the toilet pop into my head it frightened me . is that the intrusive thought , the image , then the anxiety , then follows the compulsions and reassurence ? 

[PolarBear]

Yes. It was an intrusive thought.

[dksea]

7 hours ago, AlexSmith said:

is that the intrusive thought ,

Any unwanted thought that causes you distress is an intrusive thought.  If the thought of you have sex in the toilet cause you to feel distress then thats an intrusive thought.