Urges to run away/delete life experiences?

[HadenoughofOCD]

Does anybody else have the overwhelming urge/desire to try and erase the things they’ve done in their lives? 

So I seem to have got myself into this pattern of doing something (say going to college or getting job or something), thinking it was a great idea at the time and then a few months down the line regretting it immensely for no logical reason and wishing I could go back in time and not do it.

If the urge is strong enough, I will actually act on it as much as I can and get rid of everything to do with that time so that I can pretend it didn’t happen (after lengthy ruminations about what the potential bad consequences of doing so would be). It’s so strange as it’s not ‘bad’ things I am trying to forget, it’s things that most people would see as really positive achievements. 

Its like as soon as I have done whatever it might be, when those few months pass, I feel like I have done something terribly wrong and that it’s going to ruin my life - even though I fully wanted to do it at the time. 

Perhaps this is an obsession? It’s hard to get perspective so would love to get some input! 

Thanks  

[Ashley]

Hello,

Whilst that's not been something I have ever really done, but I have certainly read of others describing exactly like you have done.  I suppose in some small way I have done similar if I think something specific was contaminated on occasions I have removed and thrown away everything connected. 

5 hours ago, HadenoughofOCD said:

Perhaps this is an obsession?

Absolutely, from my non-medical opinion what you describe sounds like it is part of a cycle that would be connected to OCD. The obsessive fears/worries leading to ruminations about the choice you made and compulsions to forget.

5 hours ago, HadenoughofOCD said:

I feel like I have done something terribly wrong and that it’s going to ruin my life

I guess what is happening is you, like most of us, find the OCD is craving certainty of some kind, and unable to accept the small thought or risk that you might ruin your life, which is where the 'feeling' becomes strong. The 'feeling' is one thing that we all have in common, regardless of type of OCD. 

So yes, I'd suggest what you describe here is part of an OCD cycle (if that's what you were asking).

[HadenoughofOCD]

Thanks for replying Ashley 

I’m just going through the process of looking at all the other areas in my life that may be ocd related or contributing to the behaviour pattern. It’s surprising just how much of my life consists of ocd behaviour patterns and I didn’t even notice! 

I feel like it’s going to be a long time before I can start working on my most feared obsessions as I have so many other compulsions to address first. And it’s so hard!