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I'm at the dentist and I've been terrified ever since I woke up this morning because this means contact with a doctor and her assistant. At first I was so nervous, having thoughts telling me to touch her for sexual reasons. So I finally did it I was close to doing it and I did it, I briefly touched her breast with my arm, I'm not even sure if I touched her or not bc it was so brief maybe it's in my head and I didn't actually move it, I couldn't know because I was so nervous and I could feel the nerves in my arms so maybe it was that but you see I'm almost sure I didn't feel aroused in the whole appointment but I'm not sure about the part where I touched her like my brain is making me doubt. My old therapist told me even if my brain says I'll touch someone for sexual reasons doesn't mean my intent is that it's simply my brain misfiring but I don't know how to identify it. I don't know if I should turn myself in to the police. I don't remember if in that exact moment I touched her and felt aroused, I think I did it because I was on the edge of doing it and I did it to be guilty of something very wrong not because I actually wanted it.

Edited by lily17
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OCD sufferers don't act on their thoughts or if they do act is for exposure and the acts aren't sexual. I did it to be guilty of something and it was sexual bc it was her chest ... :(

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I did it to take it off my chest because I was scared to touch her so I didwhat the thought wanted me to do but also I think of that moment and I see myself like I can recall myself turning evil even expressing it in my face before touching her I don't know I'm so confused 

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Nobody is responding because any reassurance would be detrimental to you. I'm really sorry to see that you're having a hard day, but this is not the first time that you've posted this sort of thing. Only you can make the change.

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43 minutes ago, bobfish said:

Nobody is responding because any reassurance would be detrimental to you. I'm really sorry to see that you're having a hard day, but this is not the first time that you've posted this sort of thing. Only you can make the change.

I've never seen you before so I don't know what you're talking about but I can assure you this is totally different from everything that I've done.

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It is not different. It is a repeat of what you've written dozens of times. Bob was entirely correct with his response to you.

You are stuck in a cycle. You keep reacting badly to your obsessions. You freak out. You come here to confess and seek reassurance. You get another thought and the whole thing repeats.

What you are doing is not working!

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Bobfish is right. Literally all of your posts are exactly the same, Lily. You come here panicking that you've touched someone or wanted to touch them for "sexual reasons", whether it be a friend, family member, professional person etc. You then repeatedly request reassurance that you're not a sexual deviant. We don't give you that reassurance and tell you that what you're experiencing is OCD, and that you need to stop carrying out your compulsions in order to get better. Then you disappear until a new thought enters your head and the cycle repeats again.

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But guys... I touched my dentist on her breast (briefly) for sexual reasons and I did it just to do it I guess because the thought wouldn't let me alone and I wanted to be guilty like i literally wanted to blame myself for something I didn't even see if I was aroused after doing it even tho my brain is trying to make me think I might have been... but sexual reasons to touch someone is wrong 

Edited by lily17
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No buts. You only concentrate on the latest obsession. You freak out over it. You say, this is the worst ever! You come here and confess. You hope for reassurance. And you do all of that again and again and again.

What you are doing, what you have been doing, is NOT working.

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12 hours ago, paradoxer said:

Why not go to the police and waste their time instead?

That would be no waste of time since what I've done was groping, even if it was a second, and I didnt get sexual arousal from it, its considered sexual assault.

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Hi lily :),

I am sorry you are having a hard time. If you want to feel better I think you have to listen to your own words:

1)  "I'm not even sure if I touched her or not bc it was so brief maybe it's in my head and I didn't actually move it," 

2) "I think I did it because I was on the edge of doing it and I did it to be guilty of something very wrong not because I actually wanted it."

So, first you are not even sure if you actually did it and second if you did it it was to feel guilty. You have to read your own post and you will see that the answer you are looking for is just there.

Are you currently seeing a therapist to deal with your OCD?

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On 07/03/2019 at 19:51, Andrea said:

Hi lily :),

I am sorry you are having a hard time. If you want to feel better I think you have to listen to your own words:

1)  "I'm not even sure if I touched her or not bc it was so brief maybe it's in my head and I didn't actually move it," 

2) "I think I did it because I was on the edge of doing it and I did it to be guilty of something very wrong not because I actually wanted it."

So, first you are not even sure if you actually did it and second if you did it it was to feel guilty. You have to read your own post and you will see that the answer you are looking for is just there.

Are you currently seeing a therapist to deal with your OCD?

Hi Andrea, 

Yes I'm seeing an OCD specialist that's treating me since November. She has given me tasks to do such as ghost the OCD, not argue with it, not talking to it etc... I was dealing very well today until I went to a place where it was very crowded since today is International Women's Day and I went there to fight for my rights as a woman with OCD and well... There was a moment where I was just too anxious because of all the people and my thoughts of touching them in a sexual manner,  "for sexual reasons" is what I say and I don't know if I touched a girl on accident or on purpose, I think it was on purpose because I was like... Like I had to do something bad what(? To feel guilty again and idk... Like it pushed me down and I had a massive anxiety attack and well. Now I'm home and feeling better but the thing that happened... I'm trying to just let it go, I told the girl "sorry" for touching her and in my head for touching her in a sexual manner too even though it wasn't an action driven by sexual desire or sexual arousal since I didn't get any of those things when I touched her I just broke down crying and I didn't even think about being aroused or not because I didn't care about it therefore I guess it's not bad but...

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Hi Lily :)

I am glad you are seeing an OCD specialist. Have you tell her about these situations of "touching" in a sexual manner that you have had?

Edited by Andrea
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17 hours ago, Andrea said:

Hi Lily :)

I am glad you are seeing an OCD specialist. Have you tell her about these situations of "touching" in a sexual manner that you have had?

Yes and she has told me this is all OCD and not my true desires or thoughts.I regret saying that it was in a sexual manner bc it wasn't because it was a "sexual reasons" thought etc... I truly hope you don't think i actually wanted to do that, like I didn't do it to please myself sexually, that's a huge NO because arousal didn't even happen therefore...

Edited by lily17
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I am glad you have told about this to your therapist. That is great news :57439eb60db27_thumbup:.

I don't think you wanted to do that to please yourself sexually. I know is your OCD that makes you doubt about doing things in a sexual way. The important thing is that you understand that every time that happen a similar situation you have to remember that is your OCD and not your true desire.

 

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So.....you had an intrusion that created a huge surge of doubt and anxiety (it happens) but this is when you need to take a deep breath and look to the things that you and your therapist have been working on.  This is where you have to work really hard through the doubt and use those skills.....if you do it will start to settle down and pass.

 

 

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