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Drunk Person Made Me Feel Awkward


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Hey there.

Ever since last night I have been spiralling in circles about this and I’m hoping someone can help. Apologies if this is rambling - I will try and keep it concise.

Backstory: I am 30, male, have OCD and borderline personality disorder. Have always battled feelings of guilt and have often confused feelings of friendship/family with lust and worried about it. Am in long term relationship. I don’t drink.

Last night, I was out with some friends. A friend of a friend arrived and was quite drunk. This person is loud, flirty and quite brash. They are also quite objectively attractive but that is (hopefully) besides the point.

She knows I struggle with eye contact etc but doesn’t really know why (it all stems from me never being able to look pretty people in the eye as I feel like I’m cheating - which I know is dumb). She also appears to be the sort of drunk person who likes to play games and pick up on people being awkward, which I guess usually wouldn’t matter but for me it just spirals me out of control.

Anyway, she kept leaning on me in the middle of the pub intensely looking at me saying “Why are you awkward?” and it made me feel super uncomfortable, as those sorts of scenarios and close contact has always been reserved for someone I was already sexually involved with. I would keep backing away etc but felt I couldn’t say anything because all of our friends were there.

I ended up writing long rambling notes to myself about what happened and fell asleep distraught. The notes are:

“She was drunk and intense.

Made you feel awkward.

She picked up on that and made you feel more awkward.

Kept looking at you.

You wanted to back away.

She even commented on how awkward you seemed.

Josh commented on how you backed away.

Not used to having another female that close to you.

If you really HAD done an action wrong, you would know about it.

You felt as though you couldn’t pull away when she was leaning on you because it would be rude. Felt very uncomfortable.

Moment where you looked at each other and it made you feel weird. Just wanted to get away. Similar to the red button pushing worry. Didn’t linger. It was a split second that felt like hours.

Gav said you did nothing wrong.

You were upset.

Nothing happened. 

It was in the middle of a pub.

Made sure you left shortly.

Nothing happened.

You didn’t instigate anything. 

Just thoughts. Nothing wrong. 

You haven’t done anything. You are a good person who only does good actions. You can’t help your intrusive thoughts that get heightened.”

So I guess to conclude:

1 Do I need to tell my girlfriend? I feel like scum.

2 Did I do anything wrong?

3 It all of the above OCD?

4 Should it change anything that if I WAS single, then it may not have made me feel as uncomfortable because I find her attractive?

At one point I swear that I felt a reminder/tingle of when I have kissed people before (when single) and that if I wasn’t single then this would be fine. I didn’t obviously do anything and felt awkward and wanted to leave. All of these 1000s of thoughts were happening in 3 seconds.

Sorry.

And thank you x

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Hi Fightoffyourdemons,

I sympathise as I have a similar theme myself of cheating and worrying about finding people attractive. However - OCD is at play here, your list was a massive rumination, you need to stop trying to work out what happened and going over events in your mind. 

She was drunk and when people are drunk they can act in all kind of ways as people lose their inhibitions. So what if you found her attractive? its human nature we don't go blind just because we are in a relationship. 

If you can avoid engaging in these thoughts the subject will fade and lose its strength. Trying to 'work it out' is the worst thing you can do. 

Try and just get on with you day. 

Avo

 

 

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Hi Fightoffyourdemons,

If this had happened to me I would have probably thought to myself "god she's so rude/inappropriate/awkward" and would remember this as a time when I had to endure an annoying drunk person. However, I'd never think to myself that I cheated or had done anything inappropriate. I agree that the list was a total compulsion. Let go of this, try not to tell your partner because that would also be a compulsion and would make things worse in the long run for your OCD. Remember that you are the one who had to politely endure her rude behaviour.  

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