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OCD, intrusive thoughts and false memory, really struggling


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Hi guys, i’m really struggling at the moment with ocd with obsessions of a sexual nature and false memories. 

Currently I’m having this horrible thought from 2 years ago that I’ve touched my young cousin inappropriately when he was sitting next to me. I remember having the intrusive thought whilst sitting next to him on the sofa watching TV. My brain has this thing where seconds later it feels as if the thought was not just a thought and it was real and it actually happened. My mind will then make me feel as if I’ve done something wrong and then I feel scared, terrified, guilty and racked with anxiety. Since then it’s just been loads of fear, over analysis, overthinking and obsession. 

Surely this could be OCD, I can’t remember any reaction from my cousin and I have seen him a number of times since having this particular episode and it’s always been fine. Surely he would have said something or panicked or something.  There would have been some sort of reaction, he would have told his family, there would have been some sort of repercussion. I remember my family were in the next room with the double doors open to the room where we were sitting, it seems pretty far fetched that this could have happened? 

I keep trying to imagine what his genital region might feel like to see if I can remember and I have also sat down on the sofa where we were in my house and pretended to reach across the sofa to the part where he was to see if I remember doing anything like that. None of this is helping and I know that it’s just safety behaviour. 

This thought feels so real right now and it feels so vivid in my mind and it’s scaring the hell out of me!! It feels like it’s just another one these weird things where my mind goes all thought event fusion on me but I can’t be sure!  

Any advice would be really great,

H

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23 minutes ago, HGeorge said:

later it feels as if the thought was not just a thought and it was real and it actually happened

I've been there. It's horrible when you think you've done something terrible when you haven't. Are you having any treatment for your OCD?

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