Can anyone help me?

[lily17]

I'm struggling with OCD so much today. I've been trying to ignore it, to ghost it completely and I was feeling well until today. I recognize my compulsions more and I'm able to refrain from doing them so much, until it's happened... I was having lunch on the table and in front of me was my father sitting and next to him, my 11 year old sister. So, OCD didn't allow me to even put my arms on the table but I did it anyway and I was thinking I was doing it for sexual reasons directed to her through the table and then I checked and she wasn't even leaning onto the table or anything she wasn't toiching it neither with her arms nor with her legs, etc but I feel SO GUILTY because I was having a pleasant feeling from anxiety in my genitals. IT WAS NOT SEXUAL AROUSAL but it felt nice and I liked the feeling and that's why I'm so ashamed of what I've done, like it felt completely like I wanted to do it but it happened while my arms were already on the table it's not like I did it on purpose no, I had them on the table and the thought came. And now I'm in pain. How could I... How.

[Ashley]

1 hour ago, lily17 said:

How could I... How

How could you what? Suffer with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder Lily?  Sadly we don't get to choose the fact we initially suffer with OCD it creeps up on us, but we can choose if we want to continue suffering with OCD, or if we want to start fighting to try and get down the recovery journey.

Right now you're failing to recognise the intrusive thoughts for what they are, OCD, and you're believing because you felt a body sensation that it's proof of what the OCD thoughts are trying to tell you.  I think I have perhaps mentioned before, part of recovery from OCD is thoroughly recognising how our emotions can lead to body reactions and those reactions reinforce any misinterpretation your OCD is making of the initial trigger.  Perhaps take another look at our OCD Roadmap illustration, print it out and try and fill in the boxes with your own OCD. It's a difficult exercise, but it's one worth doing it helps educate yourselves about how all these areas collide to keep the OCD in place.

 

Whilst educating ourselves doesn't make the OCD go away, what it can do is empower us to start making better choices about how to deal with intrusive thoughts in the future. Educating ourselves is a starting point that can lead to recovery.

[felix4]

Hi Lily,

I know you say you feel guilty for the reasons above, but does it ever make you feel guilty what effect this distancing might be having on your little sister? She most likely wants her big sister to play with her & hug her and so on.

You need to work at touching the table at the same time as your sister, & move on to direct contact with her, regardless of the false sensations that OCD is giving you.

How about printing your initial post out, & discussing it with your therapist, & see if they can set you some homework as an individual or family. 

 

 

 

 

 

[lily17]

On 16/03/2019 at 15:44, Ashley said:

How could you what? Suffer with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder Lily?  Sadly we don't get to choose the fact we initially suffer with OCD it creeps up on us, but we can choose if we want to continue suffering with OCD, or if we want to start fighting to try and get down the recovery journey.

Right now you're failing to recognise the intrusive thoughts for what they are, OCD, and you're believing because you felt a body sensation that it's proof of what the OCD thoughts are trying to tell you.  I think I have perhaps mentioned before, part of recovery from OCD is thoroughly recognising how our emotions can lead to body reactions and those reactions reinforce any misinterpretation your OCD is making of the initial trigger.  Perhaps take another look at our OCD Roadmap illustration, print it out and try and fill in the boxes with your own OCD. It's a difficult exercise, but it's one worth doing it helps educate yourselves about how all these areas collide to keep the OCD in place.

 

Whilst educating ourselves doesn't make the OCD go away, what it can do is empower us to start making better choices about how to deal with intrusive thoughts in the future. Educating ourselves is a starting point that can lead to recovery.

Hi, I'm sorry for the late response. I started feeling better and wanted to stay out of the forum for a bit. Thanks for your response and for showing me the roadmap as I hadn't seen it before, I will look into it.

[lily17]

On 16/03/2019 at 16:06, felix4 said:

Hi Lily,

I know you say you feel guilty for the reasons above, but does it ever make you feel guilty what effect this distancing might be having on your little sister? She most likely wants her big sister to play with her & hug her and so on.

You need to work at touching the table at the same time as your sister, & move on to direct contact with her, regardless of the false sensations that OCD is giving you.

How about printing your initial post out, & discussing it with your therapist, & see if they can set you some homework as an individual or family. 

 

 

 

 

 

Hi Felix

The answer is yes, she is so annoyed by my rituals etc and has no idea of what's going on and sometimes I feel for her but others I find myself blaming her for my OCD and I feel bad for it but I just... can't sometimes I just wanna blame someone or something and that should only be the disorder itself.