Not OCD related

[don't know]

Okay, this isn't OCD related but I need some help. 

Theres this opportunity that I've been thinking about. It's something I need to act fast on or else it'll be gone forever. I've thought about it so much and I feel sad thinking if it didn't work out. But I keep thinking if I go for I'll probably hate it and that's worse if I make a big deal about something and then I never wanted it anyway. But I know I want to do this and I get really upset thinking about missing this opportunity I'll regret it forever. But I don't know. I understand it's not OCD related but I thought I would ask about it - should I go for it or not and regret it for the rest of my life. Or should I go for it realise that it might not be the thing I've been building up it to be. This is my dilemma. I also get immense anxiety when I think about going though with it - that's maybe a sign that I shouldn't go through with it. I'm also scared that I only want things that I can't have and once I have them I don't want them anymore. 

[malina]

Hi DK, I think this is absolutely OCD related, it's part of your general mindset - things have to be perfect, I need to have an absolute solution and can't stand uncertainty (in this case, the possibility that you won't enjoy it). You really have to try to change your thinking because you're putting way too much pressure on yourself, if you start avoiding opportunities you want because you fear you won't enjoy them, how will you ever enjoy anything?

3 hours ago, don't know said:

I also get immense anxiety when I think about going though with it - that's maybe a sign that I shouldn't go through with it. 

 

No, there are no "signs" that you should or shouldn't do something. I've seen this a lot in your posts and I can relate because I used to think this way too. You have to learn that life isn't completely out of your control, you are the one who makes the decision and you can also control the outcome. You can decide to relax, enjoy the situation and make the most out of it. 

3 hours ago, don't know said:

I'm also scared that I only want things that I can't have and once I have them I don't want them anymore. 

 

Again, this is under your control, you can change this. You have to learn to stop analysing everything and to stop analysing your own feelings all the time. You have to learn to let go and enjoy life. It may seem impossible but you can teach yourself to do this. 

3 hours ago, don't know said:

should I go for it or not and regret it for the rest of my life. Or should I go for it realise that it might not be the thing I've been building up it to be. 

 

You don't need a bunch of strangers to tell you what to do. Be decisive and choose for yourself.

[taurean]

Can't add anything to this excellent answer from Malina - spot on. 

[St Mike]

12 hours ago, malina said:

You don't need a bunch of strangers to tell you what to do. Be decisive and choose for yourself. 

Exactly!

May I also add you shouldn't allow OCD to run your life either.

Do what you think is best for you, don't let OCD to tell you what to do.

[don't know]

I understand, I've been sat since yesterday thinking about it. If I don't go for it, I'll be sad if I let it pass me by and will regret it. But, on the other hand I keep thinking what if this isn't the right thing and everything. I don't know, it's something I've wanted to do for ages and now the opportunity is here I'm terrified. 

So I don't know what's best for me. 

Edited March 18, 2019 by don't know

[taurean]

I went for an opportunity such as you described. After the interview I had an OCD meltdown, which brought home to me that  although I was technically and skills-wise capable of the role, I was not in a good enough state of tackling my OCD to be able to actually perform the role. 

As it happens I didn't get offered it, and if I had I know I would have had to turn it down, which would have been soul-destroying. 

Sadly it was another example of how our OCD has the capability of limiting our life experience. 

But the good news was I was happy in my work, and managed to improve the split of the active elements of the job more to my liking. 

All was well that ended well. 

[don't know]

So do I ignore my feelings of doubt and uncertainty and just go for it? I'm reading all these things online which are making me feel unsure (I know - the wrong thing to do) 

I hate this so much! 

Edited March 18, 2019 by don't know

[don't know]

Nope instantly regret my brain is always right. Never doing anything again. 

Jesus Christ, I can't cope. It seems as though everything is the opposite. I'm so anxious right now I can't cope at all. What the hell is wrong with me. I shouldn't have done anything. 

Edited March 18, 2019 by don't know

[taurean]

If you felt you would be able to perform in the job without it affecting you mentally and physically .... 

But it doesn't look like that to me. 

I am perfectly reconciled to the fact that, had I not been a sufferer from OCD, I would have been capable of doing a higher level of job. 

But did that really matter? Nope. With help from therapists, my wife and OCD-UK and its members, I was able to keep working, keep earning, keep paying into my pension pot, keep providing for our needs. 

And my job was interesting and challenging anyway. 

And it is worth remembering that many of us forum members are not fit enough with their OCD to work at all. They would probably give their eye teeth to be able to do that. 

Time to draw a line under this, don't know. 

Edited March 18, 2019 by taurean

[don't know]

It's getting to the point where there's no point in trying though. There isn't everything that I want in life is a massive disappointment, or I misread things. I don't even know what I want anymore. I'm just never doing anything again. It's better to live in my head rather than go after what I want - it's always a massive disappointment. 

Edited March 18, 2019 by don't know

[Orwell1984]

40 minutes ago, don't know said:

It's getting to the point where there's no point in trying though. There isn't everything that I want in life is a massive disappointment, or I misread things. I don't even know what I want anymore. I'm just never doing anything again. It's better to live in my head rather than go after what I want - it's always a massive disappointment. 

Best thing to do is decide for the night not to bother reliving it. Just go to bed, sleep and tomorrow you can look at it again with less of a stressed head. 

I used to think the way you do. Things get clearer as you get older. Never give up on trying to achieve your dreams. Chip away at the obstacles- you will get there in time and learn great lessons on the way.

Stop blaming yourself please.

[don't know]

Thanks, I just am done. I ended up ******* things up again because I thought take a chance, go for it and it failed. Reality kicked me in the face. It does this all the time. I feel like it's better to let things come to me rather than go after them because whenever I do they ultimately fail. As soon as this happened my old intrusive kicked in again and I thought maybe they are the truth I screamed and cried but maybe in some way they are the truth and I don't want to accept it. I feel embarrassed. 

[malina]

15 minutes ago, don't know said:

It's getting to the point where there's no point in trying though. 

 

DK, it's because of this attitude that you are stuck. Life is hard and it's especially tough when you have a mental health condition. Nevertheless, you have to make the most of what you have. 

Look, when I was your age, I had the biggest crisis of my life and got my diagnosis of OCD. I was basically left to make a big decision - to believe that I wasn't able to finish university because of my mental health and go home or to stay and try to finish my degree. I have always been quite ambitious and couldn't handle not finishing uni so I decided to stay and fight. It was really tough but I got my degree with good results, then I got a graduate degree and now have a job now that I love. 

What I'm trying to say is that your happiness is always worth fighting for. You may fail sometimes, you just honestly have to get over that and move on to the next thing. Keep fighting until you get what you want!

 

[Orwell1984]

OCD always kicks you when you're down. I think you might be believing that if something does not go right then it means some awful thing is true about your character. That's 'magical thinking' and a bit of 'thought action' fusion. Both are cognitive distortions that people with OCD and depression get a lot of. Try to dismiss these ideas. Sleep is what you need now.  

[dksea]

25 minutes ago, don't know said:

I ended up ******* things up again because I thought take a chance, go for it and it failed.

As star ice hockey player Wayne Gretzky once said, "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take."
When you take a chance, yes it can end up not going the way you want it to, and that can be frustrating.  
However if you don't take a chance on things its very doubtful you'll get the opportunities that you want to have either, the times when taking a chance works out.
That doesn't mean you should always take chances all the time, there is such a thing as TOO much risk taking.  But no risk taking is not the answer either. 
You should be proud of yourself for trying, and do what you can to learn from this experience and see if you can help make things turn out better next time.
Finally, remember, sometimes the decision is out of your hands and no matter how much you do it doesn't turn out the way you want.  It doesn't mean you weren't ready or weren't right, it just means that this time it didn't happen.  Next time could be different.

[taurean]

It's normal for us to feel angry and frustrated at what OCD denies us. 

But that can be used as a launchpad to really tackle our OCD through CBT. 

And when we have done that, and are in a much better place, well then we CAN pursue those other options we would like to achieve

 

[don't know]

The thing is that I mean everything fails for me. My emotions don't match up with what I want, the things I want are a disappointment. This genuinley happens every single time. Rejection is just what always happens to me. I get so tired of it all. I don't know how to keep going. 

I'm also seeing how I feel - do I think about it? Did I really want it in the first place and these different things. I just feel empty, I don't know though. I know it's dramatic but I really don't want to carry on. I'm tired of it all. Literally for so many years it's just been this ****. 

Edited March 19, 2019 by don't know

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

Because you are beeatimg around the bush. It will keep it alive. 

 

Now you even feel inclined to tell yourself that some of your more obvious traits aren't OCD. I aam sorry but I just see rumination in that post

Edited March 19, 2019 by OCDhavenobrain

[don't know]

It's not OCD though maybe anxiety - but it's not OCD. That's genuinely how I feel - I don't understand how that is rumination?

Edited March 19, 2019 by don't know

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

ok then

Morgongåva Will chance then I am afraid

Mobile

Edited March 19, 2019 by OCDhavenobrain

[don't know]

Sorry I don't understand

[dksea]

9 hours ago, don't know said:

It's not OCD though maybe anxiety - but it's not OCD. That's genuinely how I feel - I don't understand how that is rumination?

You keep telling yourself things aren't OCD when there is every reason to believe that they are.  Spending time thinking and rethinking about situations over and over and over is rumination, but thats not the only reason something can be an OCD behavior.  Checking, testing (which you admit you do a LOT of), researching (ditto), these are all OCD behaviors as well.  
Is it possible you have issues other than OCD such as general anxiety, depression, etc.? Sure, some people have combinations of these issues, its not unusual.  But your behavior and thinking fits extremely well into the OCD arena.