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Feeling hopeless


Guest Paul92

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Guest Paul92

Sorry for posting again - I just feel really hopeless at the moment.

I've not Googled anything since mid last week. Each day I feel worse and worse though.

Everywhere I turn there's stuff about mindfulness/meditation/Buddhism. All this stuff has done for me is make me aware of the impermanence of everything and pointlessness of life.

I'm so conscious of the passage of time, it really scares me.

Why work to create a world that is better for everyone if we all die and, ultimately, the world will break up one day?

I just don't see how this is OCD, to be honest. More like I have discovered a harsh truth.

I considered taking my Sertraline this morning. But I don't know how I will react and to be honest, I really cannot see how I will ever be my old self again, either. Is it possible? I really really don't think so.

Edited by Paul92
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You don't need to believe this is OCD right now. You just need to treat it like OCD. 

I'm concerned about your meds. You're considering taking them? If you were prescribed them, you should be taking them.

You won't get to a better place while ruminating more. That is guaranteed to keep you stuck.

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Guest Paul92
17 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

You don't need to believe this is OCD right now. You just need to treat it like OCD. 

I'm concerned about your meds. You're considering taking them? If you were prescribed them, you should be taking them.

You won't get to a better place while ruminating more. That is guaranteed to keep you stuck.

I'm just worried about the side effects of Sertraline. I read a lot of bad experiences about it on the web. I'm actually scared to take it. I could have a reaction, I don't know. And I don't want to be dependent on them. I just want to be my old self again. I never worried about much, just some old stuff in the past which I was working to get by. I had my issues but I was so happy compared to where I am now. It's just so hard to believe that I will ever feel like I once did. I should be happy too. I have everything I want in life - everything. This weekend I got into an official relationship with the girl I have been seeing. And I just keep getting the thoughts about how everything dies eventually, including her.

Edited by Paul92
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I'm not going to push you to take your meds. That is a personal choice that should be done in conjunction with your prescribing physician. Meds can help you reduce the anxiety you feel, which can allow you to engage in CBT to a higher degree. It's hard to do the necessary work when you are extremely anxious all the time. You can't know how you will do on meds unless you take them, faithfully, for weeks. Enough said.

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Guest Paul92

I know. They obviously do help a lot of people. I'm just worried about the side effects and a lot of people say they feel worse for a few weeks. I'm really not sure if I can actually feel any worse than I do.

Still struggling to see how worrying about the fact that we all die and one day the world will die is an OCD theme. Just seems like a crushingly harsh truth to me.

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Guest Paul92

Sorry Polar bear. I do just feel genuinely like there is no hope this time. It'd be just inspirational to talk to someone who maybe had experienced a similar thing. Just need hope at the moment. I'm doing everything I can. Not googling. Even been out for a run and out on my bike but I still feel the same. Can't get any perspective at all. I feel like my life will be over so fast and that everything is pointless. We can't even leave a legacy because ultimately, all this disappears 

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Exercise and not Googling are good things but you can't expect a positive change in short order. It took a while to get to this point and it will take a while to get past it.

Also, Googling was certainly one of your compulsions and it is good you are refraining from doing so. But your big compulsion, no doubt, is ruminating and you now must get a handle on it.

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If you are not googling and suchlike you say that everywhere there is stuff about mindfulness and Buddhism and suchlike. Can you explain this? In my locality and in my home there is not such stuff. Is your home full of such stuff? Or in your locality?

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Guest Paul92
1 hour ago, Angst said:

If you are not googling and suchlike you say that everywhere there is stuff about mindfulness and Buddhism and suchlike. Can you explain this? In my locality and in my home there is not such stuff. Is your home full of such stuff? Or in your locality?

For a start every time I visit my parents it is rammed down my throat, as my dad has started to buy into new age spirituality. Then I was watching the TV yesterday, a country programme, and they were talking about mindfulness and how they are all bestsellers now. My next door neighbour has a big Buddha in his back garden and a small one outside his front door. I'm just sick of it, I wish I'd never seen it.

Just feel so hopeless and nothing seems to help. I'll try and continue treating it like OCD, but it doesn't change the pointlessness of our existence.

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I have been taking SSRIs - Sertralin (Citalopram before) for 6 years and - after a couple of weeks the body/brain needs to adjust to it - the side effects are bearable. I have given up living without it because of genetic predisposition and epigenetic factors in my case the Serotonin level in my brain is too low. SSRI helps that the Serotonin remains longer in the brain, e.g. between the nerve cells to level out the impaired Serotonin production. To me there is no difference to other medical conditions like diabetes or high blood pressure that require medication, too. Long story short how about giving it a try?

Oliver

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11 hours ago, Paul92 said:

but it doesn't change the pointlessness of our existence.

But that IS only your skewed belief. 

The rest of us don't share it and we don't see any need to. 

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Guest Paul92

The whole thing about time and the present is really make me feel ill. How can you not see how pointless everything is? We are chasing our own tails for nothing.

 

10 minutes ago, KaKop said:

I have been taking SSRIs - Sertralin (Citalopram before) for 6 years and - after a couple of weeks the body/brain needs to adjust to it - the side effects are bearable. I have given up living without it because of genetic predisposition and epigenetic factors in my case the Serotonin level in my brain is too low. SSRI helps that the Serotonin remains longer in the brain, e.g. between the nerve cells to level out the impaired Serotonin production. To me there is no difference to other medical conditions like diabetes or high blood pressure that require medication, too. Long story short how about giving it a try?

Oliver

That's interesting. Would you say that Sertraline has helped you?

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SSRIs are also the chemical solution for depression. I shall probably be condemned as a hectic to imply that depression might be lurking in your mind or brain. Solipsism, existentialism, Buddhism, physics and biology suggest to you pointlessness. Do all roads lead to pointlessness? Do you have any diagnoses?

Edited by Angst
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Guest Paul92
49 minutes ago, Angst said:

SSRIs are also the chemical solution for depression. I shall probably be condemned as a hectic to imply that depression might be lurking in your mind or brain. Solipsism, existentialism, Buddhism, physics and biology suggest to you pointlessness. Do all roads lead to pointlessness? Do you have any diagnoses?

I'm just struggling to see how this might be related to OCD. I might be depressed, yes. In fact, yes, I am depressed. I've never felt as low or hopeless. But I do feel like I have lost all perspective on life. Everything is coming and going to fast. And in everything I do all I hear is stuff that the new age spiritualists say. "You are not a person, you are the universe experiencing itself" "You are an event, not a human" "time is an illusion, there is only now". It all freaks me out. I hate it. I wish I'd never heard of any it. Id rather have lived a happy lie, if that is what it is.

If I let go of the time thing then I just get a feeling like everything is pointless if we all die and then the universe ends. Literally, what is the point in us doing anything, going to work, forming relationships, trying to make the world a better place, if nothing will ever exist at some point?

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Guest OCDhavenobrain

And then at the same time do you have the opportunity to let it rest and things will get much better. Let all of this thinking you sre doing rest for a while. You are getting nowhere with doing what you have done lately. 

Edited by OCDhavenobrain
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Guest Phil10
On 18/03/2019 at 11:18, Paul92 said:

Sorry for posting again - I just feel really hopeless at the moment.

I've not Googled anything since mid last week. Each day I feel worse and worse though.

Everywhere I turn there's stuff about mindfulness/meditation/Buddhism. All this stuff has done for me is make me aware of the impermanence of everything and pointlessness of life.

I'm so conscious of the passage of time, it really scares me.

Why work to create a world that is better for everyone if we all die and, ultimately, the world will break up one day?

I just don't see how this is OCD, to be honest. More like I have discovered a harsh truth.

I considered taking my Sertraline this morning. But I don't know how I will react and to be honest, I really cannot see how I will ever be my old self again, either. Is it possible? I really really don't think so.

Yes I ageee time goes fast and I wonder why we exist for such a short space of time. I often worry about all the time gone by and moments I can’t get back. For me it’s worst at night when I sleep It’s similar becuase you don’t know any better. It’s a scary thought. I often worry days go too fast ect too. 

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Guest Phil10
27 minutes ago, Paul92 said:

I'm just struggling to see how this might be related to OCD. I might be depressed, yes. In fact, yes, I am depressed. I've never felt as low or hopeless. But I do feel like I have lost all perspective on life. Everything is coming and going to fast. And in everything I do all I hear is stuff that the new age spiritualists say. "You are not a person, you are the universe experiencing itself" "You are an event, not a human" "time is an illusion, there is only now". It all freaks me out. I hate it. I wish I'd never heard of any it. Id rather have lived a happy lie, if that is what it is.

If I let go of the time thing then I just get a feeling like everything is pointless if we all die and then the universe ends. Literally, what is the point in us doing anything, going to work, forming relationships, trying to make the world a better place, if nothing will ever exist at some point?

I’m the opposite because I’m glad I know these ideas exist just incase one day you find out and are disappointed. I mean do we ever know the true meaning of life or if solipsism is true? I’m not so sure we ever find out. I do often worry about my life being preplanned and a lack of free will or feeling a robot thats the worst bit for me right now. 

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Guest Phil10

Also the one thing that freaks me out is you can’t tell what your next thought would be and at one point I told my theripst I believed somebody was funnelling thoughts into my head or I would not take responsibility for my ocd as I believed I had no control over it..

Edited by Phil10
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Guest Paul92

It's the hardest thing in the world. I can accept the weird time thing if the world had meaning. We could all be doing our bit to create a pleasant world. But why bother doing anything if it is all to be consumed by the sun one day anyway?

The present moment constantly shifts. If I say a word like "hello", isn't it just an iillusion? Which bit is the word 'hello'? It's just an elongated sound. when you finish it, the first part is history. It is constantly constantly moving. Every letter I type is the past. Before I know it, everyones going to be old and everyone I care about will be gone and theres nothing we can do.

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