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don't know

Can never catch a break

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7 minutes ago, don't know said:

I already think I don't have OCD and am a terrible person. 

I know that. But do you still have OCD to some extent?

Edited by OCDhavenobrain

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Not really. Anyone that is ashamed of themselves would look for anything in order to cover up who they are - isn't that what I'm doing? 

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I wondered if you still have other compulsions beside those you have figured out not to be any compulsions. I am not asking about your clearity on this specific matter

Edited by OCDhavenobrain

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15 minutes ago, don't know said:

probably not. 

If you would get any or find yourself in a better position soon I would recommend you to start with the ones which gives you the least amount of anxiety. 

But you feel "cleared" now. Meaning you are sure this is not OCD. A terrible person you say.

One last thing. It really takes a lot of hard work to rewire something which you have done for a long period of time. So please do not be so dismissive of things not working out as soon as you start to do differently. AND there will be massive anxiety before you get any better. Stop using feelings as facts

Edited by OCDhavenobrain

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I couldn't tell you what gives me anxiety to be honest. Also I do feel clear, it's better to just admit the truth rather than suppressing or whatever I'm doing. I don't like these sexual thoughts, I don't like constantly feeling like I'm not feeling anything. But that's just how I feel.

Ended up seeing a photo and screamed, I'm shaking - I don't know how I feel. 

Edited by don't know

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If you were just a horrible person, you wouldn't be out of sorts like you are. Simple.

But hey, I'm done responding to your usual rants. I'm not going to waste time explaining and teaching if you're just going to dismiss what I say, tell us you don't have OCD and then take shots at yourself.

One other thing... there was a guy, clearly had OCD, did the same thing you do. Different theme, but he would come here to tell us he didn't have OCD. Even went to the wrong kind of websites like you. Used to post multiple times per day like you. Eventually we gave up, told him we couldn't help him the way he carried on. He comes back here every couple of months. He still tells us he doesn't have OCD. He first posted at least five years ago. Five years of staying stuck. That will be you if you keep it up.

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That will probably be the case. There's sometimes exceptions - which is me. It's easy to cover things up with stuff like this. I can't avoid the truth. 

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On 21/03/2019 at 03:19, don't know said:

I did try to stop back everything kept happening. 

Stop what? And for how long?  What did you do to actively work towards improving your OCD? To addressing the cognitive distortions?  Unfortunately its not something that just "stops" overnight, recovery takes time, and requires you to do the work, not just show up for the therapy sessions.
 

On 21/03/2019 at 03:19, don't know said:

The proof is right there - the thoughts are there, there's sometimes urges, seeing something about it makes me feel like I relate, reading articles and stories about these things, feelings of arousal or complete emptiness. Feeling like I don't react in the proper way. I just feel like there's two sides of me. I don't know which is the truth. 

You have perfectly describe the experience of someone who is OCD.  This is EXACTLY what OCD sufferers experience.  Can you explain why you are so unwilling to accept this possibility?

 

On 21/03/2019 at 03:51, don't know said:

I already think I don't have OCD and am a terrible person. 

If you were a terrible person then you wouldn't care about being a terrible person, because caring is non-terrible behavior.  So if you ARE a terrible person you wouldn't be here day after day after day with the doubt and the anxiety.  On the other hand, if you had OCD, thats exactly the sort of thing you'd do.

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I went to therapy and tried to tackle the OCD. It didn't work and it felt real than anything else. 

I'm unwilling to accept the possibility because what's the difference? What's the different between my 'sexual thoughts' and people who genuinely like those thoughts? I'm sure they were freaked out at first. I keep telling myself that everything I thought was true is a lie; I don't feel anything anymore. I'm not really sure who I am. 

Also I don't get anxious, it's just there.

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On 20/03/2019 at 21:46, don't know said:

I couldn't tell you what gives me anxiety to be honest. Also I do feel clear, it's better to just admit the truth rather than suppressing or whatever I'm doing. I don't like these sexual thoughts, I don't like constantly feeling like I'm not feeling anything. But that's just how I feel.

Ended up seeing a photo and screamed, I'm shaking - I don't know how I feel. 

Maybe you could benefit from reading a book about OCD. There are a few which are recommended here on the site

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I think you've somewhat misinterpreted what OCD is. You agonise over the thoughts/feelings, you feel like you're a bad person, you don't want the thoughts (while at the same time wondering if you really do want them, etc). I can identify with a lot of these feelings you're describing. It's OCD. Even if you're determined you don't have it. Your OCD is creating reasons why you 'can't' have OCD.

Therapy and/or medication is no miracle cure. Medication can help some people with the anxiety side of things, and alongside therapy (CBT is apparently the most effective) you can learn to overcome and accept these thoughts. Therapy also varies a lot depending on who you see, so if you can find someone you feel safe with you may find it far more effective in combatting OCD.

It's not your fault you're feeling like this (I know you think it is, but it isn't.) You clearly care deeply, otherwise you wouldn't be bothered at all by these thoughts. 

:hug:

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I've read at least six books on OCD and none of them have helped, tried implementing the techniques into my life and no results. I felt I couldn't relate. 

I don't feel like it's the OCD telling me though. I genuinely am saying to myself 'you were happy...no that's fake...it's because of this.' I catch myself and say you don't really feel that way. The things that make me happy make me miserable - stuff like that. It's probably true. I understand that people are saying don't go onto these other website and don't read these other stories about sexual deviants and that. Why? I now read them and think that it's my reality. I don't know. I don't want it to be but that's just the way it works. I'm sure they didn't want to do those things or the thoughts freaked them out but at the same time - they are into that type of stuff. 

I'm sure someone with OCD could see that there is a clear difference. I see it all the time that they know deep down and I don't. 

Edited by don't know

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10 minutes ago, don't know said:

I'm sure someone with OCD could see that there is a clear difference.

I'm sorry but this is very much not true.  Many people struggling with OCD doubt they even have OCD, doubt is what OCD thrives on. 
This is not the first time you have declared that a certain thing means its "not OCD" and yet the exact opposite is true, that the behaviors you are describing are in fact quite common in most, if not all OCD sufferers.
 

19 hours ago, don't know said:

What's the different between my 'sexual thoughts' and people who genuinely like those thoughts? I'm sure they were freaked out at first.

The people who genuinely like them don't freak out, thats the difference.

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I've seen it in so many OCD posts though. I feel empty towards things that used to mean a lot to me. Maybe that's just an excuse. To be honest, I've been avoiding a lot of things that remind me of certain people because I'm afraid I don't like them anymore. Maybe I don't, maybe I don't care about them, maybe I never did. 

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Well if you have read 6 books then its up to you. Stop using feelings as arguments.

But if I have to be brutally honest I think yiu havent. You said yiu dont do compulsions and you have read 6 books, something seems kinda funky to me

Edited by OCDhavenobrain

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I was given three OCD books from my therapist and I bought three that talked about people's personal experience with it. I'm not lying about that. I tried to take the advice and see if I could relate and it turns out I couldn't. I don't see how these things are compulsions I'm trying to see whether it is truly OCD or not and it turns out it's not. 

So, you're correct it's not OCD and I should stop wasting other people's time. 

Edited by don't know

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6 minutes ago, don't know said:

I was given three OCD books from my therapist and I bought three that talked about people's personal experience with it. I'm not lying about that. I tried to take the advice and see if I could relate and it turns out I couldn't. I don't see how these things are compulsions I'm trying to see whether it is truly OCD or not and it turns out it's not. 

So, you're correct it's not OCD and I should stop wasting other people's time. 

If you truly are convinced then I guess that would be the logical step. But it seems to me that you dont believe that yourself!

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Then go with that so you can stop ruminate for once and for all. 

You will not get any revelations or even any benefits from telling yourself it is not OCD if it is OCD. But then again we cant force you to give it a try. As it is now you are just arguing with yourself and you are using feelings as facts

Edited by OCDhavenobrain

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5 minutes ago, don't know said:

How can you not use feelings as fact? 

I do not think I can add anything more. If you are convinced that you dont have OCD then go with that. If you think you have OCD and wants to recover then YOU have to change something. 

As I see it now you are too comfortable with being in the grips of it. Could also be that you are too stuck or just have given up. In any case do YOU need to change something. Absolute minimum is that you sees if you do in fact do compulsions, as you said doesn't it make ANY SENSE if you don't do compulsions to treat yourself as an sufferer of OCD.

Good luck

Edited by OCDhavenobrain

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It feels as though everything is a sign. I don't even feel bothered about it to be honest, there's not much point. 

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On 24/03/2019 at 02:21, don't know said:

How can you not use feelings as fact?

Because facts are objective, they can be independently measured.
Feelings are subjective, no one can feel your feelings except you.

You you feel is how you feel, but just because you feel something doesn't mean its true.
You can feel fear without being in any danger.
You can feel anger at someone, without having any legitimate reason.
 

On 23/03/2019 at 23:26, don't know said:

I've seen it in so many OCD posts though. I feel empty towards things that used to mean a lot to me. Maybe that's just an excuse. To be honest, I've been avoiding a lot of things that remind me of certain people because I'm afraid I don't like them anymore. Maybe I don't, maybe I don't care about them, maybe I never did. 

Not everyone experiences OCD exactly the same as everyone else, though there are always the core similarities.  
We've all told you that we definitely see those core similarities in your postings and descriptions, the intrusive thoughts, the compulsive behaviors.  If you are willing to choose to accept that your problem is probably OCD we can try and help you.  But, as OCDHaveNoBrain points out, if you are convinced its not OCD, theres really not much we can do for you.

Finally, if you don't care, then how can you be afraid?  These things don't really go together.

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On 24/03/2019 at 03:37, don't know said:

It feels as though everything is a sign. I don't even feel bothered about it to be honest, there's not much point. 

Still you waste most of your days to it. Even if there is no point. 

Sadly the same rule as before applies. It will take a lot of anxiety before yiu get better. You choose, a life with this neverending crappy situation or a short time of increased anxiety. No proofs will make it easier for yiu to begin, maybe there are none?

Edited by OCDhavenobrain

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