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Paul92

Need honest help quick

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Its up to you now. It really is. We can't say more, there is nothing more to say. Compulsions makes things worse!!!

 

Edit: it is really sad really. How we make ourselves miserable

Edited by OCDhavenobrain

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Didn't you say that you already have had this theme in a previous relationship? Then I feel the need to tell you that you should do everything yiu can to stop this from happening again. At this point OCD (with its actions) tells you flat out that you won't be able to have relationships . are you really happy with that?

 

I would be ******!

Edited by OCDhavenobrain

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1 hour ago, OCDhavenobrain said:

Didn't you say that you already have had this theme in a previous relationship? Then I feel the need to tell you that you should do everything yiu can to stop this from happening again. At this point OCD (with its actions) tells you flat out that you won't be able to have relationships . are you really happy with that?

 

I would be ******!

Yes, in my only other actually relationship when I was 18-20. OCD started when I was around 19 - I'm nearly 27 now. I would have to confess all kinds of things, from finding someone in the street attractive, to sexual fantasies and any sort of thought that I considered bad. I can see how some of things are silly. But I am struggling to see how this one is silly.

I'm at work so not been able to think too much about it but I have a real nervousness in my stomach. I am spending the weekend with my GF and will be seeing her tonight. In the time I have been seeing her, we have spent some amazing weekends together. Usually I would actually be really excited to see her. I just have this sick feeling in my stomach. If I just act normal it is going to drive me nuts because I feel as though I am getting away with doing something wrong.

I know that I only said two words: "I know" - I'm just worried about what my thoughts and intentions were when I said it. And I still don't see how it doesn't matter!!

Edited by Paul92

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And now you are ready for yet another sacrifice for the sake of some fraud which tells you lies. This is so unnecassary

I dont care about how you feel, why do you care? Stop caring about how OCD makes you feel. 

Edited by OCDhavenobrain

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@OCDhavenobrain But I remember panicking straight away, so I must have said it with the wrong thought in my head. It's weird because for months and months, especially since I met my GF, I never saw her friend other than as like a sister. But when she said her boyfriend was lucky to have her, I think I said I know in a way to sort of pull her boyfriend down for my own benefit. But I have zero interest in being with her? So why did I think what I did?

I won't confess anything tonight, but I don't see how I won't feel as anything but a fraud.

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33 minutes ago, Paul92 said:

@OCDhavenobrain But I remember panicking straight away, so I must have said it with the wrong thought in my head. It's weird because for months and months, especially since I met my GF, I never saw her friend other than as like a sister. But when she said her boyfriend was lucky to have her, I think I said I know in a way to sort of pull her boyfriend down for my own benefit. But I have zero interest in being with her? So why did I think what I did?

I won't confess anything tonight, but I don't see how I won't feel as anything but a fraud.

Hi Paul,

it's been several days now and you're still thinking about this. When are you going to stop? What is it going to take to make you see that this is complete and utter nonsense? Honestly, who cares if you had the wrong thought in your head at one fleeting moment in time? You haven't actually done anything. We all have completely random thoughts throughout the day that we don't pay attention to. 

Here is what we have so far:

1. You love your girlfriend and have no interest in anyone but her, plus you're afriad of hurting her and are being extra cautious

2. You spoke to a woman who you only see as a friend

3. You had a conversation with this woman, where you said two harmless words but with potentially unsavoury intentions

4. This woman clearly hasn't picked up on those intentions and has gone on with her life completely clueless about any of this

5. You still love your girlfriend and she loves you, the world is alright and nobody has come to any harm

6. Multiple people on this site, with similar problems to yours, have told you that this situation is completely insignificant and OCD has blown it out of proportion

7. You think that you are a terrible person 

Can you see how the last point makes no sense whatsoever in this sequence of events?

Plus, think about this for a second - this all happened way too quickly for you to have had any bad intentions. Having bad intentions and then acting on them required a degree of awareness and planning. If you're unsure about having these intentions most likely you didn't have them. But because you have OCD, you've started to create the possibility that you did something wrong. Moreover, you've added fuel to this possibility by engaging with it. If you subconciously had bad intentions, well you can't be blamed for that. Otherwise, we'd have to be blamed for our dreams too.

Please move on with your life and don't make this worse. You will get to a point like in your previous relationship where you will feel guilty for more and more things until it eats you up. You have to put a stop to this now in order for you both to be happy. 

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@malina Thanks Malina. Thanks for your support, I do appreciate it. I'll try and heed your words.

It's really been in overdrive today. Questioning literally everything if I have to talk to another woman. Questioning how I'm walking as I pass someone. Literally everything.

I get what you are saying. I might have just had a random moment that really holds no significance because, ultimately, I know what my actual feelings are...

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23 minutes ago, Paul92 said:

@malina Thanks Malina. Thanks for your support, I do appreciate it. I'll try and heed your words.

It's really been in overdrive today. Questioning literally everything if I have to talk to another woman. Questioning how I'm walking as I pass someone. Literally everything.

I get what you are saying. I might have just had a random moment that really holds no significance because, ultimately, I know what my actual feelings are...

I get you, I'm saying all this because I've been in your place before, completely eating myself up over nothing. I recognise what you're feeling because I have felt it too and that is how I know it's OCD. I know it's also incredibly hard but you have an opportunity now to recognise what is going on and put a stop to it before it develops further. Give yourself a break, you seem like a nice guy who deserves to be happy. 

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I am afraid that is reassurance. The thing is that we as sufferers will never be convinced by other people's opinions. Everytime we gp away from a compulsion because of reassurance we have failed, not even that, we have made it worse. You need to move on knowing you dont know, atleast for now.

 

Edit. But yea you should really be able to trust us at this point

Edited by OCDhavenobrain

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3 hours ago, OCDhavenobrain said:

I am afraid that is reassurance. The thing is that we as sufferers will never be convinced by other people's opinions. Everytime we gp away from a compulsion because of reassurance we have failed, not even that, we have made it worse. You need to move on knowing you dont know, atleast for now.

 

Edit. But yea you should really be able to trust us at this point

I disagree. Okay, maybe there was a tiny bit of reassurance but it wasn't the blstant kind of reassurance we try to stop.

It's okay to post in a positive, helpful manner. 

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I understand that and I also acknowledge that everybody probably is trying to help eachother.

I do see a pattern with sufferers, where posts which tells the sufferers it is alright, that the sufferer tend to reply to those with more questions, telling just a little bit morw about how she/he feels. But I do understand that people are teying to help, in this case Paul is worried he has hurted her and he is trying to judge if that is true.

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It's so hard. 

She knows about my OCD. I was talking with her on Friday night and while I didn't exactly confess, I told her about how I worry about what I was thinking when I say things etc. She said she didn't really care, and that actions are what matters. But obviously I see those things as actions. So there's been a couple more instances that are worrying me. 

I play in a band and last night I played a gig. There was a couple of girls in the front row. I play guitar. And I kept worrying that I was showing off and trying to impress them. But when you're on stage you naturally put on a bit of an act and show off a little (though I'm really not a show off) and I couldnt concentrate. Obviously these women were attractive and they were right in front of me. I felt like I caught myself actually showing off to them a couple of times and I feel awful. I kept thinking of my girlfriend and it made my heart sink because we'd had such a lovely day together. 

Keep questioning if I loved her as much as I say I do, would I be showing off and putting a bit of an act for other girls. But I know I love her, I've no desire to cheat on her and never would, I know that for a fact 

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Another day, another obsession.

Do you think other people worry about stuff like this or maybe it's blown out of proportion in your head?

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7 hours ago, Paul92 said:

It's so hard. 

She knows about my OCD. I was talking with her on Friday night and while I didn't exactly confess, I told her about how I worry about what I was thinking when I say things etc. She said she didn't really care, and that actions are what matters. But obviously I see those things as actions. So there's been a couple more instances that are worrying me. 

I play in a band and last night I played a gig. There was a couple of girls in the front row. I play guitar. And I kept worrying that I was showing off and trying to impress them. But when you're on stage you naturally put on a bit of an act and show off a little (though I'm really not a show off) and I couldnt concentrate. Obviously these women were attractive and they were right in front of me. I felt like I caught myself actually showing off to them a couple of times and I feel awful. I kept thinking of my girlfriend and it made my heart sink because we'd had such a lovely day together. 

Keep questioning if I loved her as much as I say I do, would I be showing off and putting a bit of an act for other girls. But I know I love her, I've no desire to cheat on her and never would, I know that for a fact 

Hi Paul,

you see how this is going don’t you? You engaged with the first obsession and now it is getting worse and there are more worries emerging. You really need to start working through this now or they will just keep coming. 

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