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It's the worst. I'm not sure of who I am anymore. Because OCD doesn't seem like the logical conclusion for me. I know that sounds strange on an OCD forum. But why is it I feel like I relate to that rather than OCD? 

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20 minutes ago, don't know said:

It's the worst. I'm not sure of who I am anymore. Because OCD doesn't seem like the logical conclusion for me. I know that sounds strange on an OCD forum. But why is it I feel like I relate to that rather than OCD? 

Well I am not sure how to convince you and I won’t try.

All I can say is that I have OCD and I recognise a great deal of what you say in my own thoughts and feelings. And I really feel for you, I was your age when Inwaa diagnosed and it is absolutely horrible.

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It is. It's just so confusing - this is really effecting the way I am with other people. I'm constantly questioning my feelings towards them too. If I feel nothing towards people it means I hate them. I tried to 'expose' myself to things that remind me of them and I couldn't feel anything and I didn't know how to feel. I'm just a confused mess. 

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1 hour ago, don't know said:

But they do I get a lot of anxiety from them. You're right I don't like them, but sometimes people don't like their thoughts but they really are into that type of thing. 

I ask because I hope that I won't do it. I don't want to but at the same time it goes back to my point of it being in my head so often it must mean something. 

Yes it does mean something. It means you have OCD and you are doing compulsions. The more compulsions you fo, the more thoughts you have.

Had to laugh in your recent post when you yold malina that you do have anxiety. Yesterday you swore up and down you don't have it.

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3 minutes ago, don't know said:

It is. It's just so confusing - this is really effecting the way I am with other people. I'm constantly questioning my feelings towards them too. If I feel nothing towards people it means I hate them. I tried to 'expose' myself to things that remind me of them and I couldn't feel anything and I didn't know how to feel. I'm just a confused mess. 

Cognitive distortion at work. Feeling nothing means you are feeling nothing. You are shut down. It doesn't mean you hate the person. Hate is an emotion and you can't have that because you just finished saying you feel NOTHING. So what is it?

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8 minutes ago, don't know said:

It is. It's just so confusing - this is really effecting the way I am with other people. I'm constantly questioning my feelings towards them too. If I feel nothing towards people it means I hate them. I tried to 'expose' myself to things that remind me of them and I couldn't feel anything and I didn't know how to feel. I'm just a confused mess. 

Look just keep your head up. It will eventually be sorted, you just need to find your way and it’ll be really hard until you do but you’ll get there. Again from my experience, I truly believe that if I could get through all the things that I went through, it’s possible for everyone. But it does take a work and time.

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@don't know, I'm curious, what is it you're hoping to hear on this forum? You're not willing to take on any of our advice so what benefit are you getting from posting here? What kind of reassurance do you wish we would give you? Could it be that posting here has in itself also become a compulsion for you? I presume you'll agree that something needs to change, or you will most likely continue to experience this distress. You have a right to live your life, uncontrolled by this :) I strongly suggest you look into finding a therapist who has experience and understanding around working with people with OCD, that you feel safe and comfortable with. You could explain all these insecurities to them about how you're afraid it's not OCD - they're not there to judge you or make you feel bad, just to listen and give you a helping hand in helping yourself.

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18 minutes ago, don't know said:

I don't know. I'm sorry, it's unfair to you all, maybe I post here to not feel alone, to see whether it is OCD or not. 

You don't need to apologise, we all choose what we read and respond to. The point is that you are coming here for help, but don't seem to be getting what you need. 

What is stopping you from going to see a therapist? You may not believe you have OCD, but you have to see that you have a mental health problem of some sort. You need help, it's really as simple as that. 

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26 minutes ago, don't know said:

I don't know. I'm sorry, it's unfair to you all, maybe I post here to not feel alone, to see whether it is OCD or not. 

I think you're clutching at the hope that this is OCD. I've met others like you. Deep down they have this twisted feeling that having OCD isn't bad enough to explain their thoughts and feelings, that somehow it must be something far, far worse than OCD.

OCD is bad enough. It's right up there with bipolar and schizophrenia. It's  terrible, terrible disorder that takes over thinking, interferes with living and can damage a person's sense of self.

Edited by PolarBear
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I second what Malina just said, you don't need to apologize or feel bad about posting here - you're not 'wasting' anyone's time, and we want to try to help because we understand and empathize with what you're going through. But is there going to be a point when you decide to take the plunge and try something we've suggested? Are you helping yourself through posting the same things again and again? It just seems like you're stuck in a loop, and so far you haven't found the right thing to help you get back on track.

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Yes, I'm posting again.  It's about my feelings. I'm not sure what to make of them and want to know if anyone can relate. I'm sorry this post doesn't make much sense. 

Okay, so I have this problem where I don't know what I feel towards people generally. It's been on my mind for about a month. I'm constantly trying to see how I feel around them. For example, if someone comes up to me and talks to me, I feel happy. But then if someone that I'm friends with does the same I don't feel anything and I'm worried that means I don't like them. I'm also really bad at associating things with people - like their interests. Like my mum is really into this type of music and if I hear it on the radio I start to think of I don't feel anything it means I don't like her. I now avoid a lot of tv shows, movies, music, places that remind me of people in my life. I've tried to not avoid these things but then I feel nothing and I avoid it again. 

There's specific people where I just feel really anxious. If I talk to them I feel happy and then my brain will say I'm faking it or that I'm in denial about not liking them, or I will talk myself out of how I'm feeling. I also feel nothing towards these specific people (I don't even feel upset - I haven't cried about it) Its confusing. If I hang out with my friends I feel really really anxious beforehand and then even talking to them makes me feel really awkward. I don't even like to see a picture of them because it makes me feel anxious or nothing. It's really bad because a few of these people are moving away and I don't even feel upset about it and I'm stressed out about it. I understand feelings towards people change but I don't want them to - but when I feel back to my normal self I panic and then want my normal feelings to go away. It doesn't sound like OCD to me.

Again, I'm sorry about posting, I've tried to see if anyone else feels like this and I haven't found anything. 

Edited by don't know
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Hi DK,

I have said it before, nobody here is qualified to diagnose, & even if they were, they would not be doing it via a forum. You need to seek professional help, & be open & upfront with them!

You may or may not have OCD, or it might be some other condition, or you may have OCD & something co-morbid going on similar to me, such as depression, anhedonia, and emotionally blunt in comparison to how you once were.

All the best.

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I'll tell you this... you are deluding yourself if you think every time you see someone or are exposed to a trigger that reminds you of someone that you should feel something like happiness. That's simply not the case.

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1 hour ago, don't know said:

It keeps happening. I'm not really sure what to do. I think I'm fine and that I have emotions and then they disappear. I'm not even sure anymore. I feel so frustrated. 

Hey DK, this is such a similar pattern to your incest thoughts. You are experiencing these worries about not having emotions and then doing compulsions. The compulsion here is testing, trying to see whether you will feel something. When you do compulsions like this, you will always fail because they then make you feel nothing and confirm your fear. You’re doing another compulsion, avoidance, and that too makes the feelings worse.

What you should do is say to yourself that this is just anxiety at play and nothing more. When you think you feel nothing, try to stop yourself from engaging with it and instead accept that maybe you are feeling nothing in this moment, that it is temporary and it’ll pass. Then go about your day and don’t dwell on it.

The more time you spend analysing your feelings, the more it will feel as though you’re feeling nothing. So the way out is to stop analysing.

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18 hours ago, don't know said:

I understand it sounds stupid but it's really scary. 

That's exactly how people with OCD feel a lot of the time. To Non-Sufferers your obsessions may sound 'stupid' or insignificant, but it feels deeply distressing or uncomfortable for the sufferer. It's not stupid, and you need not feel stupid :) It's an extremely debilitating mental illness you're struggling with.

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Guest OCDhavenobrain
2 minutes ago, don't know said:

I probably don't. 

Seems kinda strange that you post them then.

Edited by OCDhavenobrain
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Guest OCDhavenobrain
4 minutes ago, don't know said:

I know.

Well... I don't think that you really know. I think you are guilty of this in many regards to this situation you have. It is time to stop letting your mind play the devil's advocate. You are NOT helpless in this, you can take back control . small steps

 

Edited by OCDhavenobrain
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