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I feel helpless. I tried to ignore it or work through it but it keeps happening. I'm not a good person - I must really not like them if I feel extremely ill at the sight of them. That's not OCD that's denial at this point. 

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13 minutes ago, don't know said:

I feel helpless. I tried to ignore it or work through it but it keeps happening. I'm not a good person - I must really not like them if I feel extremely ill at the sight of them. That's not OCD that's denial at this point. 

Hey DK - you're not helpless. Look I understand that you're lost and in pain, this is really hard and nobody can fault you for thinking you're helpless. But you have to see that you're not doing anything to help yourself. You won't get professional help, you ask people on a forum for help but you don't take any of the advice on board and most of the time you do the exact things everyone tells you not to do. It's your own behaviour that is keeping you in this place.

 

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Guest OCDhavenobrain
1 hour ago, don't know said:

I feel helpless. I tried to ignore it or work through it but it keeps happening. I'm not a good person - I must really not like them if I feel extremely ill at the sight of them. That's not OCD that's denial at this point. 

Again if it is not OCD then atleast save yourself the hassle of all this OCD research

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Guest OCDhavenobrain
9 minutes ago, don't know said:

I would understand if I was checking but I wasn't. 

Take a break from all OCD-forums for a while. You are mainly talking with yourself

 

We are all hoping for your best here but we can't initiate the change which needs to happen for things to be different for you

Edited by OCDhavenobrain
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14 hours ago, don't know said:

I would understand if I was checking but I wasn't. 

Checking can come in many forms, one of which is to constantly question whether the experience we are having is "real" or "right" enough.  For you this is happening regarding whether you are feeling the right (or enough, or any) emotions about a particular situation.  You definitely engage in this behavior.  Checking is also something, like many compulsions, that can happen as a habit, without you even intending to do it.  You may not specifically say "ok time to check my thoughts", but because you have done it so often, you'll automatically respond to any possible unwanted thought with that behavior.  Rumination is similar, because both are mental behaviors.  You have to learn to recognize when you are doing it and work to break the habit.  Its tough but definitely doable!

But you don't have to be checking to experience an intrusive thought.  The intrusive thoughts are what led to the checking compulsion in the first place after all.

I am so sorry you continue to suffer, I can see how much this is hurting you. One thing I wanted to share is something I learned in therapy regarding emotions.  The more we try and analyze an emotion we are having, the less genuine it can be.  Consider for example going to a party.  If you spend the entire time constantly asking yourself if you are experiencing any "fun" feelings, you leave yourself no time to actually have fun, and further even when you do start to have fun, you stop yourself because you start questioning the emotion you were having.  Its kind of like people who spend their whole vacation taking pictures so they will remember it, which prevents them from actually ENJOYING the moment.  I think at least part of the problem you are experiencing regarding emotions is related to constantly checking/analyzing whether you are feeling the "right" emotions (or feeling emotions at all).  By spending so much time measuring you are interrupting the ability to actually experience them.

It is often the case with OCD that we have to take an indirect approach to the problem.  In your case, the best approach to "solving" the emotion problem is to stop trying to solve it directly.  Rather than constantly check on whether or not you are feeling the right thing, accept that, at least for now, you aren't going to be sure.  You have to decide to be ok that, for now at least, you may not feel the way you think you should or want to, but you are going to take a wait and see approach.  The more you worry and analyze the emotions you are/are not having at the moment, the more likely you are to interfere, creating more problems instead of solving them.  Its a tricky approach and its not always easy, but evidence and experience tells me its usually the right one.  I think if you try it and give yourself some time you'll find before too long that the problem isn't there anymore, maybe it never was, it was just OCD lying to you.

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The thing is I'm not sure why I care though.  It's strange. But, it's like I feel anxiety or nothing. I'm confused. It feels as though I couldn't care. I'm not sure. I just feel really confused. I'm trying to see if anyone else feels like this.

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2 minutes ago, don't know said:

The thing is I'm not sure why I care though.  It's strange. But, it's like I feel anxiety or nothing. I'm confused. It feels as though I couldn't care. I'm not sure. I just feel really confused. I'm trying to see if anyone else feels like this.

It doesn't matter. Leave it alone! Leave all of it alone. Let it all die from apathy.

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I can't. I don't want to either. I don't want to not feel anything towards people. I just want my emotions back. Even in times when I feel fine I'm hit with this and I just am defeated. I keep asking would I care if these people weren't in my life? I honestly can't answer. 

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Look. How long have you ruminated over this? Be honest with yourself. Now I can tell you, with five years experience at this, helping hundreds upon hundreds of OCD sufferers, you WILL NOT find the answers you seek by ruminating one more day, week, month or decade.

It's the OCD trap. Compulsions don't work. They only lead to more intrusive thoughts, more distress,  more foubt and more compulsions.

It doesn't matter how many webdites you vidit, how much you ruminate or how many people you ralk to about this. You will not find the answers you seek through compulsions.

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43 minutes ago, don't know said:

I can't. I don't want to either. I don't want to not feel anything towards people. I just want my emotions back. Even in times when I feel fine I'm hit with this and I just am defeated. I keep asking would I care if these people weren't in my life? I honestly can't answer. 

DK, if you want your emotions back, the way is to stop analysing and trying to figure it out. I can guarantee you that the more you engage with this problem, the more you analyse it and the more you seek answers, the less emotion you will feel. Stop dwelling on it, stop carrying out these compulsions and live your life. That is the way to get the emotions back. 

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