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How to forget about bad people?


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I think one of my OCD thoughts, not sure if it is Pure O or just OCD is still I keep thinking about bad experiences with people. I once had a boss who was moody, sarcastic and could be a bit of a bully at times. He was like that with lots of people but some say he did appear nicer prior to his promotion. But people who worked with him closely said he was a bit of a jerk before his promotion. Does success change a person or does it make them worse than they were before, as in reveals them?

I still think about this man a lot and it can have a negative impact on my life.

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I can relate to your situation and I sympathise. I too would love any advice on this issue as I have intrusive memories about people who have wronged me or memories of bad experiences that still affect me daily. I would love to just not care instead of hoping karma provides something nasty for the perpetrators. How to let these thoughts and feelings go?

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This man was a tall man as well and an ex soldier. He had a quiet soft voice but that totally belied his true personality. He'd assign people undesirable jobs if they stood up to him for example. He'd have them sweeping the yard for 1 or 2 days. He claimed to be straight talking but often withheld info and suddenly acted all pally to people before some redundancies were announced a few days later. Then he was back to normal. He is now retired but his Facebook profile is full of hateful memes and even verging on porn pictures such as images of a woman with hairy breasts, and pics of dildos, and other rude pics.

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9 hours ago, helen10937 said:

What's this got to do with ocd

 

2 hours ago, benjamin said:

Read the OP. It has everything to do with OCD.

 

I must confess, I'm with Helen on this.

Like many others, I too have been wronged by toxic people in the past which has resulted in me holding a grudge, but I can't really compare it to the same pattern of suffering that I have with OCD. I can think of plenty of occasions where I have seen non sufferers experience the same too.

Having said that, I guess OCD can be about anything, & if you are actively trying to push the thoughts away, then it probably is.   

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Are all unwelcome thoughts or memories to be defined as intrusive? Are intrusive thoughts the same as obsessional thoughts? Is plotting revenge or envisioning bad things for a person  a compulsion if it takes up a lot of time?

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Having briefly thought about it I think that felix4 is right. OCD is about pushing the thoughts away by compulsions. So the thoughts of being robbed are pushed away by the act of  checking the lock on the front door. The fear of death is pushed away by the act of pray. If you are not trying to push away an unsettling thought by a compulsion I do not see how it can be deemed to be OCD. Very interesting observation felix4.

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Dont worry, revenge is not my style. With my OCD I worry about harming people. I have not seen the former boss for years. I do ruminate over it a lot. I do research to see how people's mind works. I always thought that constantly obsessing over toxic people you knew from years ago was related to OCD in a sense.

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Guest OCDhavenobrain

I have had this a lot. Have nothing to do with having to push thoughts away. In my case I did everything I could to remember more, not forgetting. When yiu habe trauma you want to push them away

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I have experienced toxic people. They do exist. A clinical psychologist once advised me to avoid them. But you cannot always do so. For example if they are your line manager. It is when they have power over you that they become a problem. Power is not a cognitive construct it exists in the world.

A line manager, for example, , writes your appraisals and references. He or she can reduce you chance of escape. To maintain sadistic power over you.

Suddenly I became a star when my line manager was removed because of his incompetence and poor performance. My salary and fringe benefits exploded. Not all are so lucky. Post traumatic stress is about past memories and flash backs. So stress about being abused is certainly a problem. A major one. And flashbacks occur. Even in the work context.

Edited by Angst
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Power just enhances a bad personality as opposed to creates one. I know toxic people without power as well as with power. I think the company owners/directors often like to put the most inept people in positions of power.

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Guest OCDhavenobrain
28 minutes ago, benjamin said:

Power just enhances a bad personality as opposed to creates one. I know toxic people without power as well as with power. I think the company owners/directors often like to put the most inept people in positions of power.

Try not to think about it too much

Edited by OCDhavenobrain
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I think that deliberately trying to forget something is a recipe for disaster. Memories are triggered. For example if I hear or see a reference to Berlin it will trigger a memory of visits  to that city. It is an example of the way the mind works. When a bad memory is triggered in the course of a day I recognise the phenomena and discount it. For example the smell of a certain bar of soap triggers a memory of when I was seven and a teacher forced me to eat part of a bar of soap as a punishment. I recognise the process and do not go back to the schoolroom. The snap of a glasses case always takes me back to that school room.

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Guest OCDhavenobrain

Also memories reshapes themselves. Sad truth is that we with OCD are alternating our memories forever. But who cares, recovery is the important thing

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OCDhavenobrain. I have a brain and my memories are accurate. They were reported long before any experience or diagnosis of OCD. Incidentally I think that people with OCD have a brain. You have made me really angry. How dare you.

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Guest OCDhavenobrain

Our memories are changed everytime we use them. Memories are not actually something you pick up and look at like a picture.

Why are you mad? Could it be because it frightens you?

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No. It does not frightened me. But if we say that memories are incredibly fluid then it says goodbye to witness evidence and any notion of witness evidence in criminal trials. The only evidence would be if it was written or recorded.

The testimony of witnesses would be debunked, especially the evidence of people with the diagnosis of OCD as they are ‘alternating’ their memories.

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Guest OCDhavenobrain
16 minutes ago, Angst said:

No. It does not frightened me. But if we say that memories are incredibly fluid then it says goodbye to witness evidence and any notion of witness evidence in criminal trials. The only evidence would be if it was written or recorded.

The testimony of witnesses would be debunked, especially the evidence of people with the diagnosis of OCD as they are ‘alternating’ their memories.

Good point! But it is the best we have, veeery few cases are about cases which are recorded

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Yes. Witness evidence is crucial in all judicial systems. Given my experience, I would like all public spaces to recorded. All classrooms for a start. Because evidence can be disputed. Elizabeth Loftus in her work on the effect of leading questions on memory recall has been influential in police interviewing techniques. The constructive interview is now recommended which enhances the chances of accurate recall.

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Guest OCDhavenobrain
4 minutes ago, Angst said:

Yes. Witness evidence is crucial in all judicial systems. Given my experience, I would like all public spaces to recorded. All classrooms for a start. Because evidence can be disputed. Elizabeth Loftus in her work on the effect of leading questions on memory recall has been influential in police interviewing techniques. The constructive interview is now recommended which enhances the chances of accurate recall.

I have had the same wish when I was the most in the grips of it. 

It is hard to accept uncertainty, I can relate.

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Guest OCDhavenobrain
3 hours ago, Angst said:

But courts are designed to deal with uncertainty hence the rules of evidence. 

Memories are really tricky and they most definitely change over time. It makes me sad too, because as an example: I have ruminated a lot about my childhood. All that rumination have most defintely impacted my memory around past events.

There is nothing we can do about it. You can die tomorrow. You know what? OCD is NOT a guarantee for a prolonged life or for security. OCD sufferers have a higher risk of dying from accidents and anxiety is very bad for your health. OCD is nothing but a fake. OCD doesn5 stand for reason and it most definitely doesn't stand for wellbeing.

 

 

Good night. It is funny and I want to use the word "identical" because whay you wrote about is something I habe thought about, the same expert and all. 

Edited by OCDhavenobrain
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