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Do you ever get over the anxiety?


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So I’m much better with my OCD after I had CBT last year and it doesn’t rule my life as much as I used to. But I’ve never been able to completely get over it. For example, I don’t time all the walking I do anymore with a stopwatch, but I do find lately I am roughly adding up all the walking I’ve done that week in my head to make sure it’s enough. And I have a problem with work.

The problem is my job is very focused on emails and this has messed with my head. I’ve got very ill in the past with worrying I’m going to run out of work and then thinking that will mean me losing my job. Then people leave and we all get extra work and the job gets stressful. For the past few months I’ve been stressed out of my brain with hundreds of emails a day and things aren’t getting done as I don’t have time. Finally my manager has agreed to take work off me... and predictably my brain is now telling me that I’m in danger of running out. I’m tempted to tell my manager not to take work off me after all, but that would be giving into the OCD. I know logically I need this extra breathing space, I need to be able to get through my work and be efficient at my job rather than getting constantly chased as I don’t have time to do everything. But it feels scary.

Am I just destined forever at work to be constantly going between being really stressed on the one hand, and anxious on the other? As soon as I start to catch up, the panic starts.

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Guest OCDhavenobrain

When it comes to OCD it is like with training. You need to push yourself and not stagnate. Seems like people with OCD needs to do this intentional, where people without just disregard the thoughts automatically.

When it comes to stress and work it is just a "normal part of life". 

If I were to advice something I would afvice you to stop takimg the time altogether. It is not really an option, my believe is that compulsions ALWAYS grows on you if you let them be there.

By the way by cutting off all your OCD you win a lot of time. But do not get obsessional about it. 

 

That would be my advices

Edited by OCDhavenobrain
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I believe we must do because otherwise, there would be no success stories here. But let’s just clarify one thing. Anxiety in itself isn’t a bad thing. Everyone has anxiety. An average mentally well person will often have anxiety. It’s a natural evolutionary thing. What you need is to be able to manage your anxiety starts to affect your life to the point where you can’t love and happy and fulfilled life. In cases like this, it’s important to identify when the anxieties you have are overblown or holding you back and preventing you from being happy. With OCD, we perform the compulsions to alleviate the anxiety but this act actually reinforces and makes the threat more threatening and more powerful. So once you can face the anxiety head on, that is when we make progress. You can do it! 

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It is clear you are still doing compulsions. That's why OCD is hanging on.

You used to do overt compulsions, like adding up minutes qalked, but now you are doing that more covertly, in your hwad. In the eyes of OCD, it's the same thing. You're still checking to see if you measure up to some arbitrary goal that you've set.

You have to go further. But you'll get there.

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Guest OCDhavenobrain

It was a nice reminder. I do the same thing, counting things in my head, not even that, just thinking about them sometimes can be enough. Always end up with it getting more severe. You do want that feeling of "meh" about it. Think about old obsessions which doesnt bother you know, that is the feeling we need and want. Because after all it makes no sense and it gives you no benefits.

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Thanks everyone for the advice!

9 hours ago, PolarBear said:

It is clear you are still doing compulsions. That's why OCD is hanging on.

You used to do overt compulsions, like adding up minutes qalked, but now you are doing that more covertly, in your hwad. In the eyes of OCD, it's the same thing. You're still checking to see if you measure up to some arbitrary goal that you've set.

You have to go further. But you'll get there.

I suspected this might be the case. While I’m much better than I used to be, I can’t seem to get over those last steps. It’s frustrating. 

With work specifically, I don’t feel like I am doing compulsions. I want to slow down, to not answer some emails so I never run out, to not give work away. But I am resisting because I’ve been so stressed lately that it would be ridiculous to keep all the work. I know I’m good at my job and I’m not showing that by either not having enough time to do all my work or refusing to do it in case I run out. 

So why am I still anxious every time the stress starts to lessen? Will it be the case that every time I make good progress with my work, I’ll feel anxious about it because my mind is telling me I might run out and lose my job?

Ok, so there is one compulsion I’m doing. I work on journals and we have an email address for each journal. Currently I have 35, and several times a day I’m adding up the total number of emails to reassure myself I have enough. But lately if I get below 100 emails I feel anxious, which logically is quite ridiculous. 

But I don’t feel like that one compulsion is enough to cause this anxiety. If I stopped counting my emails I’m sure I would still feel anxious?

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You get rid of the anxiety -the definite article indicating OCD anxiety by ceasing compulsions. Your obsession is being sacked.

You negotiate with your manager a reduction in work load then you are stressed by the future possibility of lack of work activity and hence the sack. 

Your compulsion in order to push away your obsessional troubles from your mind is to count emails. As you say it is counterproductive. As an experiment simply stop counting emails. And see what happens.

Edited by Angst
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Hi Kaheath. 

I think the others have given great advice. 

I used to experience terrible anxiety, so bad I had to take propranolol, a betablocker, to gain some relief. 

But by working my therapy tools I drew the teeth of my obsessional (O) intrusions, stopped carrying out compulsions C) - and no longer experience anxiety (D). 

Since O + C = D, take away the Os and the Cs and you remove the anxiety :)

 

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Thanks everyone. I agree I am still doing small compulsions around this, although I’m much better than I was. My fear is that even if I stop doing all compulsions, I’ll still continue to feel anxious at work at the thought I might run out?

My manager has said I might be able to get more involved with management and extra responsibilities myself. Sometimes, usually when I’m away from my computer, I think about having the time to do that, and feel good about it. But as soon as I get back to my desk I feel anxious when I look at my emails. My job is so focused on emails that my brain has decided the number of them is a measure of how secure my job is.

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