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The recovery from my relapse is slow but steady and I have good days and bad days, but it’s always identifiable and I can always refocus on what I need to do. 

If I were to highlight one difference that I’m experiencing from my last bad bout of OCD, it’s my general emotional state and feelings towards my progress. I have spent a lot of the past few months in a very low and upset mood. I’m quick to get emotional and I feel stressed out nearly all the time. The OCD is a large contributing factor to this, making me feel even worse, and I think the feelings stem from a lot in my life. My new job is still new and therefore, is stressful as I have to get to grips with things. This past working week has been the most challenging work week I’ve ever had and included a shift that lasted 15 hours. Its physically taxing and I don’t really get breaks at work either so I wasn’t eating much and I spent most of last week feeling unbelievably drained. Very rarely is work like that, but it was this week and it definitely didn’t help.

The rest of the stressors in my life are all pretty ‘normal’ for lack of a better term. Personal relationships, family, work, feeling a general lack of direction... I used to be so good at being an optimist and having a positive outlook on my life. And because I’ve been feeling so down for so long, when my OCD hits, it’s a downward spiral. For example, I’ll be at work feeling fine, then OCD hits, and with it comes this horrible depressing feeling which just snowballs. I’ve picked up on this and have been working on it, but it’s extremely hard to recover from an OCD episode when you feel so bad. Even if I do manage to deal with it well and the thoughts relent, the nasty, upset feeling will remain sometimes. I’m trying to keep it together but some days it feels like I’m barely hanging on to be honest. Was just wondering if anybody maybe experienced this or has some advice to offer about dealing with it :) hope you are all well 

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Hi Ollie,

Good to hear you are continuing to improve, but sorry that you are feeling a little low along with the ocd, and are finding some days especially hard.

My ocd gets bad when I get over-tired or stressed so I can relate to that. As you mention you are still adjusting to your new job so hopefully once that settles down a bit and becomes more routine that won't continue to add to your stress levels. 

Not eating much, and feeling drained will certainly add to a low feeling. Try to be sure to eat well, sleep some good hours, have relaxation time...those are so important for feeling ok.

Sorry I don't have much advice. Just try and go easy on yourself and do as much self care as you can (without that adding to your list of stressors!!)

Take care

 

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Thanks for your reply Leif! Yeah, I think it’s easy to forget how being drained affects the way the disorder works, on Saturday I managed to get a pretty good nights sleep and so when I was at work, I managed to deal with the OCD really well.

My job means I work late into the evenings, and something I noticed when I first started slipping was that I would always have bad OCD at pretty much the exact time every day: on the bus home from work, at which point I was tired and it was usually about 1 o clock in the morning or later. 

This insight didn’t hit me until much later, but I think there’s no question that there’s a connection there. I’ve been focusing on eating well the past couple of days and I’m feeling a bit better today so I’m gonna continue the routine as best I can. Settling into work has been hard, I work at a great place with a great team but a lot is expected of me and, as most people with OCD, I just want everybody to be pleased. I also take criticism quite harshly, even when it’s meant in a constructive way, so I’m trying to change the way I feel about that.

Edited by Ollie46
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1 hour ago, Ollie46 said:

I work at a great place with a great team but a lot is expected of me and, as most people with OCD, I just want everybody to be pleased. I also take criticism quite harshly, even when it’s meant in a constructive way, so I’m trying to change the way I feel about that.

Yes I know exactly what you mean--I'm like that too and stuff like that can really exacerbate the ocd! I wonder if you could see a counsellor to help you through that sort of stuff--build your self-esteem and confidence,  your ability to set boundaries at the work place, and be able to say 'no' when you need to.

Sometimes I think when others would say 'no' to stuff, us with ocd worry that it is just our condition that is making us not able to handle the expectations, so we have more trouble setting good boundaries.

1 hour ago, Ollie46 said:

My job means I work late into the evenings, and something I noticed when I first started slipping was that I would always have bad OCD at pretty much the exact time every day: on the bus home from work, at which point I was tired and it was usually about 1 o clock in the morning or later. 

That's good to notice that pattern. One thing I do find with me, though, is once I start seeing a pattern I kind of watch for the ocd to pop up (I guess so I'm not taken by surprise) and then it seems to almost create the ocd. So try to not fall into that trap too!

2 hours ago, Ollie46 said:

on Saturday I managed to get a pretty good nights sleep and so when I was at work, I managed to deal with the OCD really well.

That's great--yes amazing what sleep and good food can do!

 

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