massive relapse - need specialist treatment in scotland

[mrgarfield94]

i'm in a bad way and I need help, urgently. I can't continue living my life like this. i'm having horrible intrusive thoughts about my dog and I seriously can't cope with it. I had a thougjt the other day about stabbing him with my house key and I kinda brushed his fur with it, I think in my mind this was reassurance that I was doing the furthest thing from that, or maybe I acted on a thought. i've also had thoughts about strangling him and ripping his whiskers out, i've done things like gently  rubbing his neck and then running my hand over his whiskers after having these thoughts. I don't even know if these fall under compulsions or if im acting on urges. it makes me think that it might actually be an  impulse control problem rather than ocd. I know I havent actually hurt my dog but I hate doing these things. I want the earth to just swallow me up with the guilt. i've never involved anybody else in my compulsions or imposed on them but the way i'vetreated my dog is disgusting. I need some type of specialist treatment but in scotland its extremely  limited and I need someone to point me in the right direction. I also need to know what to do if oi cant get a referral from my gp.

[Orwell1984]

Things will get better. I used to be like you. I thought my cat was at risk from me. It’s all ocd. Don’t test things with the key, whiskers, neck etc because even though you wont actually do anything bad, your brain will keep scaring you and feeding lies to you that perhaps your behaviour was slightly close to the edge that time etc (that’s what ocd would sound like). A therapist will help you get past this all. I’m unsure on whom/where but I just wanted to let you know that there is a light at the end of this particular tunnel. Your dog is in no danger from you even though you may think he is. 

Edited April 1, 2019 by Orwell1984

[Hal]

 

Hi mrgarfield,

This isn’t an impulse control problem, OCD is the problem here. Orwell’s spot on, what you were doing with your key etc was  testing yourself, a compulsion....all part and parcel of the disorder - I’d be more than happy for you to look after our menagerie.

We have some information here...

https://www.ocduk.org/overcoming-ocd/accessing-ocd-treatment/accessing-ocd-treatment-through-the-nhs/scotland/

....for how best to access specialist treatment. The problem is it will probably take time for you to access it, but we have an amazing community here who can help you until you’re able to see someone face-to-face.  If you have any worries about the treatment process or hit a sticking point the charity is also always here to help you. 

I know when things have been at there worst for me it’s been hard to imagine that life can get better, but it really does...it just takes a bit of time, but you will get through this.

[ocdsufferer85]

Hi my ocd is about speaking under a breath and I came close, I was testing if it was possible, kind of showing ocd look I'm facing you. But of course I heard a slight breath and sound and freaked out that I almost acted. After tons of thoughts saying what if I spoke now..what if...I feel so sick with guilt that I tried to speak this horrible thought. I feel it drove me so close somehow. Is this ocd? Because I really didn't want to speak. And in the end it's picked up on me letting a breath out and I spiked up thinking I'd made a mistake and failed!

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

Ocdsufferer howndoes that relate to this thread?! 

 

Threadmaker it is great that you want to start with therapy but you do know that you can start right away?

Edited May 9, 2019 by OCDhavenobrain

[ocdsufferer85]

2 hours ago, OCDhavenobrain said:

Ocdsufferer howndoes that relate to this thread?! 

 

Threadmaker it is great that you want to start with therapy but you do know that you can start right away?

Because this person tested himself too, he was asking about it, I don't think you're reading the threads properly just shooting me down if I post anything.

[ocdsufferer85]

On 01/04/2019 at 22:52, mrgarfield94 said:

I had a thougjt the other day about stabbing him with my house key and I kinda brushed his fur with it, I think in my mind this was reassurance that I was doing the furthest thing from that, or maybe I acted on a thought. i've also had thoughts about strangling him and ripping his whiskers out, i've done things like gently  rubbing his neck and then running my hand over his whiskers after having these thoughts. I don't even know if these fall under compulsions or if im acting on urges.

This reminds me of how I felt. Seeing similar accounts helps towards accepting it's ocd. Not being told to go away and stop asking. Sufferers can help by comparing their stories and fighting it together

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

Even if that is the case why do you need to post it in a new thread. You really need to stop running away from facing the answers you get if you truly want to overcome it. Or else it is just talking with yourself and I think you already do that a lot in your head

Edited May 9, 2019 by OCDhavenobrain

[ocdsufferer85]

It isn't a new thread, I am responding to someone! I am talking to them! What's the use in a forum if you aren't allowed to talk! 

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

I do remember a lot of your threads and you have a lot of questions about what OCD can or can not do. You have got a lot of answers in those threads. Now, those answers haven't satisified you. But if you want to overcome it and want to take benefit from other sufferers you need to trust them and trust what they write. 

 

Edited May 9, 2019 by OCDhavenobrain

[ocdsufferer85]

Im confused, your profile says you're a sufferer, but you talk to me as though you aren't, with no support, I understand you're saying reassurance doesn't help but being blunt doesn't help either im suffering enough I just come here as it seems to be my only hope. At the moment I feel so low and unworthy of even living.

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

We answering your questions in the way your head demands is not support. We give you our best advices, if you cant go with them there are ultimately nothing we can do to convince you. I can only conclude that you have make threads about it since 2016. You have gotten nowhere by trying to "understand".

 

"You having suffered enough" is only a choice you can make. Nothing will change and your suffering will go on if you involve in the methods you have used up to this point.

Edited May 9, 2019 by OCDhavenobrain

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

 It really isn't as we of some evil reason deny you the truth of this. Some kind of key which you can use to overcome this. Ifnwe had such a thing we would tell you. But the answers you get are only so good if you actually follow through withvthem and trust me, just knowing about what you should do is not enough. It is a first step, but before you get anywhere you also have to deal with a lot of icky feelings

Edited May 9, 2019 by OCDhavenobrain

[ocdsufferer85]

I think it's awful how easily ocd sufferers can go from being fine to being in total horror.