Am I in denial? - Fraud (Merged Thread)

[don't know]

I don't see myself doubting in the post. 

[taurean]

There is no certainty with OCD, so actually no point in seeking it. 

The correct way to deal with the obsessions and resulting compulsions is as previously explained. 

Those that listen, and commit to making the necessary thinking and behavioural changes, get better. 

Those who listen to the OCD and believe it, don't. 

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

1 hour ago, don't know said:

I don't see myself doubting in the post. 

You said you were a deviant, no more to analyze then. This is an OCD-forum. You are here writing

Edited April 9, 2019 by OCDhavenobrain

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

Can I ask you what your motivation is to write about your situation on forums? You have had the same situation since atleast 2017. You don't have OCD, you don't do compulsions, you don't have a plan. What do you think we can tell you which will help you which you aren't already tellling yourself?

Edited April 9, 2019 by OCDhavenobrain

[Hal]

Hi don’t know,

I’m sorry you’re feeling lost and struggling so much at the moment, this is one cruel disorder isn’t it. Just out of interest have you gotten hold of any self help books geared towards overcoming OCD? I really think it will help you to maybe take some quiet time to have a read about how OCD works.

At the moment you’re putting the cart before the horse desperately trying to work out for sure if you have OCD, that’s never going to work out for you I’m afraid. 

I’ve seen many people try doing the same, sometimes for years without reaching any sudden realisation and they never will because that approach just doesn’t work. 

Please please please don’t join that group and spend the next few years or longer staying stuck...the only way to beat this thing is to take a leap of faith (despite the doubts) and implement today the advice you’ve been given here. I know it’s hard but we’ve all been there and we all just have to do it. Only  by treating what you’re experiencing as OCD will you gradually get flashes of insight this is OCD, and see it for what is, a load of lies and rubbish.

You owe it to yourself to make that decision. Life doesn’t have to be this painful for you, you can be free of this mental anguish so long as you choose to change how you’re dealing with it.

OCD takes so much, it can make us feel we’re so powerless, but you aren’t...your choice is a powerful one and one that’s going to ensure you have years ahead of you getting what you want out of your life rather than spending it fruitlessly living with the disorder. 

I know that’s probably come across as a bit of rallying cry for going into battle and in a way it is....I know you must feel worn down by it all but you must dig deep and change tack now.

[taurean]

Spending hours on forums hoping to find certainty that it is all just OCD never works - because we can't have certainty. 

But we can learn that this is exactly how this mental illness operates to suck sufferers further and further in. 

It's sad for us, with our experience, to swallow. 

It's now really time to trust what you read here and follow that - not what your brain is telling you under the influence of the illness. 

[malina]

Hey DK,

I get where you’re coming from. You’re struggling and you want to share your pain with someone. That is fair, we all need someone to talk and vent to. But you have to understand that we can’t simply be spectators to your situation without offering a way to improve things. We all just want to be constructive and offer you some advice as  people who too have suffered a lot because of our mental health. 

I also understand why you may not be convinced that you have OCD when you’re being told by a bunch of strangers, while your own thoughts and feelings are telling you something completely different.

Just know that you are not moving passively through life. You have the power to decide what you do and how you handle things. You have now decided to accept your thoughts as true and this is your decision to make, but this will only make you unhappy. You may have stopped fighting them but you don’t want to be this way. You have the opportunity to seek help, to follow the advice you’ve been given. Be wise and make the right choice, it’s your life that will be richer as a result. 

[dksea]

6 hours ago, don't know said:

I don't see myself doubting in the post. 

Perhaps it was a reference to this post from yesterday
 

20 hours ago, don't know said:

I don't know. 

This seems to be the typical pattern for your posts, you declare that you are sure, that you've accepted your fear, that its true, then often within a few hours you are back to doubting again.  I don't say that to be harsh, I just want to point out that this is common behavior in OCD sufferers.  You engage in compulsions/get brief relief clarity then find yourself doubting again.

 

12 hours ago, don't know said:

Also, I see a lot in posts about OCD is that deep down they know it's OCD or logically they know it's OCD. I can't honestly say that. 

I've spent multiple years now on this forum and I've seen many people with OCD who are just like you, who doubt they even HAVE OCD, despite all the evidence for it.  This is understandable because OCD is literally a disorder which causes doubt.  Ask therapists/psychiatrists who treat OCD and they will tell you plenty of stories about patients who doubt their OCD.  I could post dozens of links here to posts from sufferers and doctors discussing this particular aspect of OCD.

Unfortunately I think you have not fully understood how OCD works and what effects it has on people.  I have seen you make many claims on this thread and previous threads about what OCD does and, to be brutally honest, you have been mistaken each time.  While that doesn't prove you have OCD, it does demonstrate that you are probably not well qualified to determine that fact.  If you choose to believe/accept that you don't, that you are a deviant as you call it, that is your choice.  But I hope you will also accept that you're understanding of how OCD works and how people with OCD behave is not accurate.  Thats ok, btw, there are a great many areas in which I would be unqualified to offer an informed opinion.  Unfortunately for me, my 25 years of experience with OCD has left me all too well informed on this particular disorder.  Even if you don't accept mine (and others) advice and informal diagnose of your OCD, at the very least I hope you will recognize that what you have come to believe about how OCD sufferers do and don't behave is not correct.  I really do believe you would be well served by speaking with a qualified therapist or psychologist at the very least, its their job, after all, to help people struggle with all kinds of issues, including both OCD and doubt/denial.  I hate to see you continue to struggle as you are and even if we can't help you hear, I hope you will seek that help from them.

[don't know]

I'm so anxious. I don't know where to turn I don't want to keep going on anymore. 

[PolarBear]

Let's recap. You've been posting for about a year, first about your so called deviant thoughts and then about your lack of feeling. During that entire time you were told by some very knoeledgeable people that you are suffering from OCD and that this is all OCD. You chose to argue, on an OCD forum no less, that this is not OCD, that you're just a terrible person.

You chose to go your own way. You chose to continue doing compulsions, which we told you would make your situation worse. The worst of it is that we repeatedly told you not to go to those other websites. You ignored our advice.

You stated, several times, that this can't be OCD because you don't feel anxiety. Yet here you are now telling us you are so anxious you can't stand it.

If you think this is bad, just wait. Just keep on doing the same destructive behaviors and watch how much worse it can get. 

You got yourself into this and only you can get yourself out. We would be more than happy to hrlp along the way, but it comes with a price.

You actually have to start taking our advice to heart and start doing the work necessary.

The choice is yours. 

[don't know]

I didn't do any of that this time. I was added to a group chat with some family members and there were some that I didn't really know that well. Literally seeing them appear on it made me extremely anxious to the point I was going to be sick. There were no compulsions. 

I can't hide who I am anymore.

[PolarBear]

Right back to square one. Bye.

[don't know]

I accepted it and I literally had really bad headaches but the thoughts were gone. My mind was quiet, nothing. Some of you may go, no it wasn't, but it was. It didn't seem that bad. I'm sure someone that feared harming someone wouldn't  say that. I see people saying that they can't admit things to themselves all the time though. I tried seeing my core value - but it's true that people don't know or figure themselves for a while, especially since I was quite young when this all started. Maybe it's like the five stages of grief? Maybe I'm mourning the idea of who I thought I was and the life I wanted to lead. 

Also why do my posts keep getting merged? 

Edited April 10, 2019 by don't know

[felix4]

23 minutes ago, don't know said:

I was added to a group chat with some family members and there were some that I didn't really know that well. Literally seeing them appear on it made me extremely anxious to the point I was going to be sick.

Sounds like a typical OCD 'spike' to me.

What you should be doing is purposely going out of your way & make contact with your family in an increasingly graduated way, & over time, the anxiety & theme will wane (ERP). What you appear to be doing though is 'avoiding' situations which cause anxiety, & then you end up spiking with situations like this. 

 

[don't know]

Nope I'm a liar, and this was all fake. I'm sweating so much because it's the truth. 

[felix4]

9 minutes ago, don't know said:

Nope I'm a liar, and this was all fake. I'm sweating so much because it's the truth. 

I never thought being a potential deviant (your words not mine) would be so anxiety inducing? 

I really don't think there is anything I or anyone else can say that will help, because you keep kind if throwing our advice back in our faces DK. 

 

[don't know]

I'm so so sorry! I don't mean to upset anyone!

Its really bad. It is really stressful. I feel as though my attractions that I was comfortable with are gone and aren't valid.  Literally thinking about them causes stress as well. It makes me feel like I made them up. There's a lot of people think think they are one way and then end up being another way, and it's a huge shock but then they accept it and get over it. 

Like I was watching TV today and I kept getting these thoughts and I wasn't reacting, I didn't panic. So, there's that as well. 

 

Edited April 10, 2019 by don't know

[felix4]

4 minutes ago, don't know said:

I'm so so sorry! I don't mean to upset anyone!

I am okay DK, I don't mean to upset anyone either! I just thought putting a  was better than putting a out of frustration.

Listen, please go & have a discussion with your doctor and ask for a referral! They wont judge you, and you can refuse meds if that is what they suggest. Things are not going to get any better unless you get the correct help! 

 

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

I am still intrested in an answer if you would like to produce one. 

[dksea]

6 hours ago, don't know said:

Also why do my posts keep getting merged? 

Because its all the same stuff, so there is no reason to separate it.

[dksea]

7 hours ago, don't know said:

I didn't do any of that this time. I was added to a group chat with some family members and there were some that I didn't really know that well. Literally seeing them appear on it made me extremely anxious to the point I was going to be sick. There were no compulsions. 

Compulsions do not create intrusive thoughts, they strengthen them.  

You had an intrusive thought, it caused you anxiety.  Part of the reason you had that thought, part of the reason it caused you anxiety is because of the compulsion that you have been doing up to this point.  Even if you were to stop every compulsion you were doing today and never do them again, it wouldn't mean the intrusive thoughts would suddenly vanish.  You have engraved them deeply in your mind, its going to take awhile to wear them away.  You have two paths before you, as PB said, you can continue as you are know, continue to ignore the help we are offering, and you will continue to get worse. OR you can make the choice to listen to us, to give us the benefit of the doubt, to accept that maybe you need help, and start following our advice.  It won't make your problem dissapear overnight, it won't make you stop having these thoughts and doubts right away, but in time, with work you will improve. 

So what choice are you going to make?

 

[don't know]

But I literally see if I can relate to these people, the sites and stories don't scare me anymore. Everything they say seems like it's me. I don't even look to my past and go but there was this time and I never experienced that, it just all seems true. 

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

2 minutes ago, don't know said:

But I literally see if I can relate to these people, the sites and stories don't scare me anymore. Everything they say seems like it's me. I don't even look to my past and go but there was this time and I never experienced that, it just all seems true. 

You have already established that you are a deviant. WHY going over this then?!

[don't know]

If it was you wouldn't you do the same? 

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

1 minute ago, don't know said:

If it was you wouldn't you do the same? 

I don't know. I am asking you.