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Am I in denial? - Fraud (Merged Thread)


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Guest OCDhavenobrain

Ok then I am afraid you are at the same spot as before. You saying you are tired would be great if it wasn't because it have happened like 8 times now.

It is a brutish condition, maybe here are someone else who also habe had anxiety because of OCD? Even if they havent had the exact same thoughts?

Edited by OCDhavenobrain
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1 minute ago, don't know said:

Isn't the whole point of compulsions to disprove your obsession? So if it proves it true it's not a compulsion. 

I'm sorry I don't understand your second point. 

But it hasn't proved anything, and I doubt it ever will. OCD creates all sorts of false feelings of certainty to convince you of 'proof'. You recognise you're doing these compulsions to find the 'truth'. OCD imposes a very black-and-white perspective on the sufferer, which can be really hard to see through (believe me, I know!) so that you feel like 'I feel this way so it must mean this.' But it's not necessarily the case.

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18 minutes ago, don't know said:

I tried doing that yesterday and it didn't work. In fact, it's just one of those things. Tons of articles go on about OCD being the opposite of who you are but what if it actually is who I am and I can't accept it. I don't believe that is the case for anyone else here, before anyone panics. I just feel sad. I don't know really. I was reading about people who thought they were normal and then ended up doing these things. It feels as though I relate to everything they say. What a waste of time, I feel as though I was trying to avoid the truth for so long. 

Compulsions are not necessarily about disapproving your obsession. They're about figuring it out, finding the "truth". 

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Just now, don't know said:

But I feel like I have found that truth

For how long? How long will it be before you start doubting again, and go back onto those websites to prove or disprove it? It's an endless cycle unless you do something to break it.

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It's been there all along, I've just tried to deny by saying I don't have desires to do that and saying I don't have feelings towards my family etc. But it's not certain people change or wake up one day and that's them. I probably had this inside of me all this time. 

I still don't understand my logic for posting on here. 

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18 hours ago, don't know said:

Nope nope. I ended up going onto one of these websites and I feel really scared again. I'm just like why me? I don't even know it just feels true. 

So.... you did a compulsion and that made you feel worse. Do you see that? If you burned your hand touching a flame, would you keep doing it? Yet you keep doing compulsions, even though they make your situation worse.

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1 hour ago, don't know said:

It's been there all along, I've just tried to deny by saying I don't have desires to do that and saying I don't have feelings towards my family etc. But it's not certain people change or wake up one day and that's them. I probably had this inside of me all this time. 

I still don't understand my logic for posting on here. 

I thought you were going to try and take our advice. That lasted what, not even 24 hours?

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56 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

I thought you were going to try and take our advice. That lasted what, not even 24 hours?

Quite so :yes: Maybe you (DK that is) could try setting a certain amount of time where you try your best to implement our advice, like 24 hours/12 hours/3 days or something, and then see how you feel at the end of it? I sometimes find time limits can be more helpful than open-endedness. (I don't know if this is helpful or not but just an idea).

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Certainly a good idea. 

And remember what I said about the arousal don't know? 

With this type of OCD the illness sends error messages to our brain, so we physically arouse to the obsessional thinking, instead of our true character preferences. 

You do need to take this on board as you haven't been. 

And it doesn't matter what you discovered when researching (compulsion) - OCD loves compulsions, it turns the answers round to support its obsessional thinking. 

So take a break from researching and analysing - both help the OCD, don't help you. 

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1 hour ago, Sputnik said:

Quite so :yes: Maybe you (DK that is) could try setting a certain amount of time where you try your best to implement our advice, like 24 hours/12 hours/3 days or something, and then see how you feel at the end of it? I sometimes find time limits can be more helpful than open-endedness. (I don't know if this is helpful or not but just an idea).

I agree, and please also have a think about seeing your GP for a referral DK...yep, I know I must sound like the proverbial broken old record but it’s vital you start CBT with a trained therapist to help you.

You managed not to post until yesterday evening, can you work on Sputnik’s suggestion by gradually extending that? I know it may not initially be easy but it is something I hope you can gradually work at. Support’s always going to be available here for you, but to feel the benefits of the advice and support you’ve had you need to give yourself a fair chance and rely a bit less on our thoughts and build up more confidence in your own capabilities to steer yourself through those tricky moments when the doubts and anxiety strike.

Take that leap DK, you can do this:)

 

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2 hours ago, don't know said:

I can't do it. I'm sorry but it's better to just accept it. I'm probably better doing that. 

Go ahead. Please do.

However, know this: the doubt, anxiety, uncertainty, disgust, shame and other mixed up feelings you have will not subside. OCD will not let you off the hook.

And what happens if you keep telling yourself you don't have OCD? Nothing. OCD doesn't care if you believe in it. The despair you have been feeling will continue, unabated. There is only one way out of this where you regain your life back.

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I don't feel anxiety though. I don't even feel depressed. I don't feel worried. 

Also people who want to do these things don't always know and then they look back and go there were tons of signs. Is that me? Was everything fake? I'm not sure. I was trying to think about my feelings and I couldn't pinpoint them exactly. 

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You have stated, on this thread, that you feel anxious. You certainly feel distress, which is what obsessions cause.

Anyway, I see you sidestepped my post and didn't really think about it.

You are stuck. If you keep doing the same old things, you will remain stuck. It's that simple. 

Accept that you don't have OCD, you'll remain stuck.

Accept that you are a deviant, you will remain stuck.

Keep going to those other websites, you will remain stuck.

Ignore our advice, you will remain stuck.

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But here's the thing after stopping all these things how do I know that I'm not going to do these things? 

I read recovery posts where people are like 'looking back I can't believe I worried about it' and I think but what if that happens to me. What if I end becoming or have always been the thing that I didn't want. 

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23 hours ago, don't know said:

How do I know if it's true or not? I'm really scared. 

 

7 minutes ago, don't know said:

I don't feel anxiety though. I don't even feel depressed. I don't feel worried. 

DK, I am confused, because you appear to keep contradicting yourself?

 

 

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2 minutes ago, don't know said:

But here's the thing after stopping all these things how do I know that I'm not going to do these things? 

I read recovery posts where people are like 'looking back I can't believe I worried about it' and I think but what if that happens to me. What if I end becoming or have always been the thing that I didn't want. 

You have spent the last year telling us that you don't hsve OCD, that you are a devisnt, you're sick, yada, yada, and hou kerp going to those other webdites and ruminaging like crazy... How's that working for you? Have you done any of these scary, bad things yet? 

How much longer are you going to wair? Another year? Another ten years?

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