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Am I in denial? - Fraud (Merged Thread)


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Nothing will change because that's just the way life works. 

Thats the thing there is no difference between me and this woman. She thought she was normal and then out of the blue she ends up committing incest, never thought about before, no inclination and then one day it happens. She was someone that never knew and that's scary.  She's very happy apparently. 

Would someone with OCD be able to see a difference because I don't. 

Edited by don't know
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8 hours ago, dksea said:

Perhaps, but the onset of symptoms can come surprisingly fast in some cases, particularly if they are triggered by some kind of traumatic event.  I know my descent in to OCD was quite rapid.  While its possible there were some early indications, the transition from just living a "normal" life to being overwhelmed with anxiety was swift for me.  Others of course may have a more gradual decline, but just as OCD can present itself to each of us a little differently, I think the onset is variable as well.

Sorry I phrased that badly again! I was referring to waking up one day, suddenly genuinely having these sexual feelings/desires, rather than OCD. I imagine that is at least very unlikely (I could be wrong). Some of my OCD themes came on pretty rapidly too so I can understand that :) (anyway, I'll stop cluttering up this thread with explanations of my confusing posts now haha)

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1 minute ago, Sputnik said:

Some of my OCD themes came on pretty rapidly too so I can understand that :)

Mine too!

The jury is out though whether mine was brought on by trauma or meds used to treat psychotic depression. :rolleyes:

18 minutes ago, don't know said:

I should be worried by your response and I'm not. You're right. 

What, not even a tiny bit worried? 

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DK, it's fine if you don't want to answer this but I'm interested as to your previous experience/s of CBT, how did it finish? As in, did you decide it wasn't working and stopped going, or were they time-limited, (i.e. 6 weeks) or something else?

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No, it's fine. 

They weren't time limited. I was assigned to someone and I had been working with them for six months. A couple of things happened, I was referred to adult services and also my therapist was leaving. So when I went to get interviewed for adult services and explaining my health and sexual 'intrusive thoughts' felt like I was lying to them and I couldn't quite explain what was going on, especially with compulsions. I was asked to return in six months and then by the time the appointment came up I cancelled because I thought I was better. I guess I wasn't but still. 

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7 minutes ago, don't know said:

No, it's fine. 

They weren't time limited. I was assigned to someone and I had been working with them for six months. A couple of things happened, I was referred to adult services and also my therapist was leaving. So when I went to get interviewed for adult services and explaining my health and sexual 'intrusive thoughts' felt like I was lying to them and I couldn't quite explain what was going on, especially with compulsions. I was asked to return in six months and then by the time the appointment came up I cancelled because I thought I was better. I guess I wasn't but still. 

Ahh OK, that makes sense - it can be really unsettling to have to switch or stop with your therapist abruptly (I too had to finish working with my last CBT therapist when I was referred to Adult Mental Health Services) Did you find any of the CBT helpful while you were doing it?

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Not really, like I know I always talk about it but stuff theory A and B was awful because it always seemed like it was true. I would compile all these things together and it seemed like the truth. It was really distressing I'm not sure. I'm not sure how I feel. I read ocd books like self help and also autobiographical accounts and it just seemed like I didn't fit - it still feels like that's the case

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18 minutes ago, don't know said:

Not really, like I know I always talk about it but stuff theory A and B was awful because it always seemed like it was true. I would compile all these things together and it seemed like the truth. It was really distressing I'm not sure. I'm not sure how I feel. I read ocd books like self help and also autobiographical accounts and it just seemed like I didn't fit - it still feels like that's the case

I'm so sorry you're struggling so much, I wish there was something I could say that would help. All I can say is that OCD thoughts do feel VERY real. I sometimes feel convinced that I've been wrong about having OCD and that these thoughts I have mean something after all. I'm terrified every time I walk past someone I'm afraid of harming, while at the same time it seems as though I'm sort of drawn towards them. Sometimes it's like I feel so exhausted by all the over-analysis I'm doing that it almost feels like I don't care anymore - then I get more anxiety again because that 'must mean it's true'. But all of this is part of the OCD, that's what I have to keep remembering. And as I've said before, thoughts and actions are not the same thing, even if they seem as bad as each other.

Whether or not you think you have OCD, I really recommend trying therapy again. For one thing, it can be so helpful just to offload some of the weight by talking to someone who is there to listen and will not judge you :) Give it a go. After all, what have you got to lose by trying? :57439eb60db27_thumbup:

Edited by Sputnik
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2 minutes ago, don't know said:

There genuinely is no end to it though. It's just if it not a family member, it's a stranger, if it's not a stranger, it's a friend and it's been like that for years - everyone is a target. 

That's totally understandable. Some people have consistent themes that remain more or less the same for a long period of time, while others have themes that change constantly, or a mixture of both (I have about three themes that have been pretty consistent for the last few years, and then lots of themes that pop up and go away again repeatedly). Or you could have a consistent theme, but the people or things it is directed towards changes frequently. There are many possible manifestations of OCD. It having been like that for years doesn't mean it's not OCD - people can suffer from OCD for any length of time, months, years, decades etc (sometimes without knowing they have OCD at all). I've been suffering quite a few years now too.

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Guest OCDhavenobrain
9 minutes ago, don't know said:

There genuinely is no end to it though. It's just if it not a family member, it's a stranger, if it's not a stranger, it's a friend and it's been like that for years - everyone is a target. 

So change something

This is not working

Edited by OCDhavenobrain
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Just now, don't know said:

can't change who I am apparently. I feel angry but that's how most people react though. 

You're not going to find the answer through ruminating. It hasn't worked for the last few years and it's not going to work now. It's up to you, you have the power to change your situation and begin to alter this thinking-trap you've got locked into. Go for it.

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Guest OCDhavenobrain
1 minute ago, don't know said:

can't change who I am apparently. I feel angry but that's how most people react though. 

Then nothing will change. Get ready for a life with this mental pain. 

You dont have OCD and you cant change it. You need to stop letting yourself being the victim of all of this. I can tell you one thing, you will never recover with that attitude. If one want to get over it he / she  needs to come from a position of power. As it is now you are letting it totally control you.

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Guest OCDhavenobrain
6 minutes ago, don't know said:

It's always been like this. 

I know I don't have OCD. It's just how I am - so how can I recover when there is nothing to recover from? 

Why are you here then?

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Guest OCDhavenobrain
5 minutes ago, don't know said:

It's the only place I can vent. 

But you don't have OCD. It wouldnt be fair to let everybody without OCD come here and vent.

I do understand that you dont want to change, because you don't. Let us not sugarcoat things. But I will tell you that nothing, and I mean NOTHING will change if you let it drag you around and as it is now you are doing it totally wrong. If 100 is a total want to change (and this doesnt mean the person will overcome it) and 0 is total resignation. Then you are at 0 or veeery close to it.

Edited by OCDhavenobrain
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1 minute ago, don't know said:

It's the only place I can vent. 

As I understand it, there's nothing more we can really do for you here. Venting in therapy may be of more use to you now :)

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Guest OCDhavenobrain
17 hours ago, don't know said:

I can't do it anymore. I'm sorry. I don't have doubt. My mind is quiet now. I'm a fool and I'm so sorry for wasting everyone's time. 

All these years of therapies and everything and it all turned out to be true. I'm not sure if I'm upset but I know my mind is quiet. I don't feel like sleeping either. I can't at this point. It seems as though I tricked myself into being happy and wanting a normal life. Even writing that out made me feel weird. Nothing makes me feel safe - apparently people who are sexual deviants didn't always know and then one day they did. That was probably me. I'm fine living my life and then one day it's gone. I wake up to this hell. I have some moments of peace where I fell in love and he ended up moving away. I'm crushed about it. I literally walked past where we would stand and chat before lectures and I cried, really cried. That sounds pathetic. But in those moments I knew what was real. I saw a future with him and I wanted to be with him. I'm scared typing that out like it's wrong or a lie. Maybe all of it was a lie to keep myself from all this. But why would he have made me so happy? Instead I've to settle for thoughts and feelings I hate. I'm not even sure I hate them to be honest. But they seem true. But a lot of these people didn't know, lived normal lives until one day that changed. I probably relate more to them than OCD, again I feel lighter saying that. Must mean it's true. 

 

Your mind is quite? Sorry but that sounds hilarious to me. You are only wasting your life away, we are here when you want a change in your life. Truth is that you already have got a great deal of good advices, now it is up to you. But yes you are wasting your life to this and for nothing, that is the sad truth. And you will NEVER get that time back. Poooff it goes

 

Every person who have ever recovered have had to go through it themselves, if therapists could do the work for you nobody would still have OCD. 

Edited by OCDhavenobrain
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