Am I in denial? - Fraud (Merged Thread)

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

3 minutes ago, don't know said:

It was though. It was quiet for the first time in a long while. It put my confusion to rest and that's the honest truth. 

Accept your deviance then and stop doubting

Edited April 8, 2019 by OCDhavenobrain

[don't know]

I'm not doubting. I'm just upset. 

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

12 minutes ago, don't know said:

I'm not doubting. I'm just upset. 

That is understandable. However this is a forum about OCD. But this is not my mainpoint, my mainpoint is that you now know for a fact that you are a deviant? GREAT. No more doubting about it. 

Edited April 8, 2019 by OCDhavenobrain

[taurean]

One challenging part of OCD is the doubt it sews the seeds for. 

I see many topics where sufferers think the OCD must be true, but they spend hours posting on OCD forums, hoping someone can prove to them it is all just OCD. 

Wish we could, but certainty is unobtainable. But I have never yet read such posts and not personally believed that it isn't all just OCD. 

The sufferer gets tricked and fooled by the OCD with false arousals, unwanted intrusions and believes the OCD not what their therapist and/or learned members of the forum say. 

And so they stay stuck. 

But the way to break these regular or periodic unwanted experiences is simple - it's applying it in the face of the plausibility of the OCD that is difficult. 

OCD can take our true core character values of love, care, sexual preference relationships etc. and allege the opposite to be true. 

We begin to believe it through false arousals, intrusions or whatever, and it will strengthen in power and frequency. And the urge to carry out compulsions will be high. 

When we learn to ignore the false arousals and intrusions, don't carry out compulsions, and see the OCD as "just that silly obsession", gradually the falsehoods and intrusions will ease away as too the anxiety response. 

He or she who is prepared to trust this part of CBT and stick out resistance is going to start regaining control. 

Without that the sufferer will find their experience, and the collateral damage of OCD applying rules, severely debilitating. 

Edited April 8, 2019 by taurean

[don't know]

Hi, 

I appreciate the advice, but there's no point. It's true and there's nothing I can do about it. There's no doubt about it. It's like I read something and then I mentally check it off and go - that's me. It's other stuff too. OCD can't make you feel anxious about other things that you looked forward to like job offers etc. It can't do that. It did for me. It's okay, I'm not that lucky in life. I'm fine. I've dealt with a lot of **** and I'm still young myself. It baffles me that people around me don't think like I do. I don't know what that's like.

Sometimes people think they are one way and then they realise they aren't. It makes me sad, but I guess that's life. It doesn't matter. I've read plenty of stories of people who thought they were normal and then ended up doing these things - who's to say that isn't me? 

I don't see it as an obsession when it's true at this point. 

[PolarBear]

Well now that you've figured everything out, even though you are in no position to say what OCD can or can't do, are you going to continue posting here?

[taurean]

That's exactly the thought I was just thinking. 

And I know what I reckon will happen. 

There will still be that big desire to prove it's all OCD, not true - which is exactly what the illness desires to keep a sufferer hooked. 

Until such a sufferer is prepared to believe their helpers, not the OCD, the uncertainty will continue, the disorder will go on, there will be no calm, no peace. 

[don't know]

That's how I feel though - I think I know how I feel. I don't feel the need to prove it's OCD anymore because it's not. It's not keeping me hooked at all. It's just I've accepted it, there's no uncertainty. 

[PolarBear]

Fine. Then what are you doing on an OCD forum?

[don't know]

I'm replying to a post. I plan not to post here anymore and take up people's time. 

Edited April 8, 2019 by don't know

[PolarBear]

Evasive. You have been stating that your problem is not OCD, that you don't have OCD, for about a year now. This is nothing new. You just keep going on and on. But you just won't clue into the fact that this is an OCD forum. We help people with OCD.

You don't go to an ice cream store if you're looking for roast beef. You don't go to a gynecologist to get your eyes checked. And you don't post 10 times a day on an OCD forum if your problem is not OCD.

[Sputnik]

1 hour ago, don't know said:

OCD can't make you feel anxious about other things that you looked forward to like job offers etc. It can't do that.

Of course it can. You're making illogical assumptions here. How can you be sure of what OCD can and can't do if you're sure you don't have it? It doesn't add up.

[taurean]

22 minutes ago, Sputnik said:

Of course it can. You're making illogical assumptions here. How can you be sure of what OCD can and can't do if you're sure you don't have it? It doesn't add up.

Nice point sputnik. 

 

[don't know]

The reason I post on here is probably to act as some forum of denial. If I post here it must be OCD. It's not though - people post on places all the time and it doesn't mean it's OCD. The point is that I was mistake, it happens people make mistakes. 

[taurean]

1 hour ago, don't know said:

The reason I post on here is probably to act as some forum of denial. If I post here it must be OCD. It's not though - people post on places all the time and it doesn't mean it's OCD. The point is that I was mistake, it happens people make mistakes. 

They do, but not when it comes to OCD. 

It, tricks, cajoles, attacks our core values, creates falsehoods, claims 2+2=5 - you name it, it has done it. 

The allegations and arousals it makes, the suggestion we are something we find totally repulsive - all these things shine a beacon of knowledge against OCD. 

[dksea]

9 hours ago, don't know said:

Nothing will change because that's just the way life works. 

Again, no, thats NOT how life works, change is a part of life, things change all the time.
 

9 hours ago, don't know said:

Thats the thing there is no difference between me and this woman. She thought she was normal and then out of the blue she ends up committing incest, never thought about before, no inclination and then one day it happens. She was someone that never knew and that's scary.  She's very happy apparently. 

First: Committing incest is a choice.  Either you choose to do it, or you don't.  Its not something outside your control.  You are no more compelled to commit incest than I am compelled to sleep with any and every woman I find attractive. Its a choice.
Second: There is a difference between you and this woman, she chose to commit incest, you have not.  Not "out of the blue", it was a choice she made for whatever reasons.
Third: If she is happy and you are exactly like her, why are you not happy?
Fourth: There are plenty of people who have the same kind of fears/doubts about incest that you do that, in fact, are not "sexual deviants" but people with OCD.  I should know since I'm one of them.  It wasn't my primary fear like it is yours, but it did affect me for awhile.  I accepted that it was part of my OCD, didn't give in to the compulsions and now it doesn't bother me at all.  Because CBT works.
 

7 hours ago, don't know said:

There genuinely is no end to it though. It's just if it not a family member, it's a stranger, if it's not a stranger, it's a friend and it's been like that for years - everyone is a target. 

Which is exactly how OCD works...

 

7 hours ago, don't know said:

It's always been like this. 

I know I don't have OCD. It's just how I am - so how can I recover when there is nothing to recover from? 

It's always been like this?  You've always had these thoughts?  Except in this very thread you claimed it didn't used to be this way.  That you didn't worry about this stuff before.  So which is it?
 

6 hours ago, don't know said:

I know I don't have OCD and youre right it's not fair, and I'm sorry.

If I had a Dollar/Euro/Pound for every time you have said a variation like this I could retire...
 

[dksea]

4 hours ago, don't know said:

That's how I feel though - I think I know how I feel. I don't feel the need to prove it's OCD anymore because it's not. It's not keeping me hooked at all. It's just I've accepted it, there's no uncertainty. 

 

6 hours ago, don't know said:

I'm not doubting. I'm just upset. 

So which is it, have you accepted it or are you upset?  If you've accepted it you wouldn't be upset.

 

4 hours ago, don't know said:

OCD can't make you feel anxious about other things that you looked forward to like job offers etc. It can't do that.

Again, you make an assertion about what OCD can and can't do that is not at all true.  OCD can ABSOLUTELY make you feel anxious about things you look forward to.  A job offer?  Simple:  "What if I hate it?  What if I get fired?  What if the company goes bankrupt?  What if my boss is awful?  What if I agree to terrible pay?  What if I waste my life at the wrong job?"
OCD can make you feel fear and doubt around ANY topic, ESPECIALLY things you want to enjoy.  Relationships, jobs, children, family, hobbies, your self.

Maybe you have OCD, maybe you don't, but given the many times you have proclaimed that OCD means this or OCD means that and you have been incorrect, I don't think you are well qualified to determine whether or not its OCD.

[dksea]

1 hour ago, don't know said:

The reason I post on here is probably to act as some forum of denial.

Again, you told us here and you've told us many times before that you have accepted that this is who you are.  If you had accepted you wouldn't be in any kind of denial, yet you continue to do things like post here. 

[don't know]

I'm not happy because I don't want to be like that. But people are like that, I'm people who actually do that are pleased at first but then they come around. 

I haven't always had these thoughts, I literally woke up one day and there they were. But again, I'm young so people tell you it's okay to be confused. 

I've accepted it and I'm upset. You can be both. 

To be honest, I'm confused to whether I'm in denial or not. 

 

[dksea]

1 hour ago, don't know said:

I haven't always had these thoughts, I literally woke up one day and there they were.

Thats true for all thoughts.  You don't have them until you do have them.

 

1 hour ago, don't know said:

To be honest, I'm confused to whether I'm in denial or not. 

Wait, I thought you were certain? I thought you'd accepted it?  

[don't know]

I don't know. 

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

Ok. That is absolutely a totally wrong reason to post. You have said you are a deviant, you have talked the talk now it is time to walk the walk. 

I don't think that it is fair to anyone (first and most to yourself) that you post with that intention. We are not some kind of test that you should let OCD use. Only you can stop it from doing it.

Stop with the forums for a while, which doesnt make you any good at the moment and come back after a while when you have thought about if you are intrested in a change

Edited April 9, 2019 by OCDhavenobrain

[taurean]

I think our forum friend's pseudonym is pretty indicative of their real state of mind over this. 

"Don't Know" 

But we all can know by taking a leap of faith that what we are experiencing is, as learned others tell us, OCD. 

By refusing to believe the fear that OCD tells us, or the "attractions" or physical or emotional responses it fakes up. 

By changing our response to the intrusions, and by weaning ourselves off carrying out compulsions. 

And that is when the real magic of CBT emerges. When our new default thinking and behaviours eases the OCD into the background, then away. 

Believe me, this point is one of the best feelings I have ever had. 

And yes, like Dksea, if I had a pound or dollar for every time I have read on this OCD forum about a regular poster's doubts that they really have OCD, then I would be doing very nicely thank you. 

And here is the rub - the fact that they are doing that - desperately wanting proof that they are only suffering from OCD - is actually the proof of OCD that they are seeking! 

[don't know]

I'm sorry I'm posting again.

I have never read a single story where I felt like I could relate. 

I also feel as though it's time to just call it quits. People realise at different times and I guess that was just me.  I've read so many posts and websites about it and I guess that's just me. 

Also, I see a lot in posts about OCD is that deep down they know it's OCD or logically they know it's OCD. I can't honestly say that. 

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

3 hours ago, don't know said:

I'm sorry I'm posting again.

I have never read a single story where I felt like I could relate. 

I also feel as though it's time to just call it quits. People realise at different times and I guess that was just me.  I've read so many posts and websites about it and I guess that's just me. 

Also, I see a lot in posts about OCD is that deep down they know it's OCD or logically they know it's OCD. I can't honestly say that. 

Thougt you already had established that you are a deviant. Why are you doubting now again?

I get this feeling that you are saying lots of things which you really don't mean. How could that be? "

Now I am certain".

Now I am accepting this and that... But you are doing everything but making final decisions

Edited April 9, 2019 by OCDhavenobrain