ocdsufferer85 Posted April 8, 2019 Share Posted April 8, 2019 I'm still going over (which I know I shouldn't) why I acted a certain way I don't know why if im afraid of 'speaking' a bad thought aloud, did I find myself mouthing / moving my lips as to see if I could speak under my breath, I don't know why. It's the why, the what isn't as important because I knew at the time and still know now I didn't say what I feared saying (and yes I know you will all say I should be saying it) I'm just concerned with the WHY'S... I've realised this for a while now because what actually happened if anything at this time wasn't anything bad...it's WHY.. Like why....when I have a fear of something like this, why create doubt and why test it, I don't know if I was testing myself, I don't know WHY. What is the reason? As I've said before someone who fears knives sometimes feels tempted to try and pick one up, why, is it to prove they won't do wrong...or is it a moment of being 'bad' I don't know I get so much guilt from not knowing why, of course ocd says the latter option "you were bad, admit it" But all of this makes me feel so guilty for that moment when I felt I lost all focus, and as silly as it sounds...I let the breath out without thinking...which caused the ocd to say NOW YOUVE DONE IT!!!!!! You have no idea what just came out!!! Ha ha ha I win. I am so tired of this big jumble of thoughts and the guilt attached, this picture that's been painted that I don't even know If it's real or not. Fed up! Link to comment
Guest OCDhavenobrain Posted April 8, 2019 Share Posted April 8, 2019 (edited) Fed up you said. Will this benefit you in any way? Edited April 8, 2019 by OCDhavenobrain Link to comment
PolarBear Posted April 8, 2019 Share Posted April 8, 2019 (edited) Fed up is good. Fed up with what you've been doing for years and getting nowhere is one step closer to you doing something different. Edited April 8, 2019 by PolarBear Link to comment
ocdsufferer85 Posted April 8, 2019 Author Share Posted April 8, 2019 I try it though and always go back to this! Because it's never not bothered me in all this time. Link to comment
PolarBear Posted April 8, 2019 Share Posted April 8, 2019 I know. It's been a long time stuck on a thought. Link to comment
ocdsufferer85 Posted April 8, 2019 Author Share Posted April 8, 2019 3 hours ago, PolarBear said: I know. It's been a long time stuck on a thought. I know. I feel ill. On edge and panicky. Link to comment
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