Atlantis Posted April 8, 2019 Share Posted April 8, 2019 Been a while since I posted and I'm loathe to be in a position where I'm posting again, but I wanted to share an incident to see if anyone could help me with good advice. One of the many OCD themes I have is making sure there's no fire risk in my apartment. This includes things like making sure nothing is left on charge, or switched on like the oven or hobs and making sure my laptop is not left charging whilst on my bed. The other night the girl who lives below me upset me over something and I felt very low and a bit angry. I remember waking up too early and decided to get another couple of hours sleep after messing about on my laptop for a while, the transformer unit was lying next to me on the mattress. I had an angry thought that I was leaving it there on purpose so that the transformer would cause a fire which would kill me and the girl downstairs, but then I had another passing thought that I would obviously wake up in that situation and put any fire out, then I just drifted off to sleep. I woke up 2 hours later and felt that the transformer was quite hot so immediately unplugged the laptop and put it on the floor. Didn't even think about it until later that day when I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt towards the girl who lives below. I've not been able to get it out of my head since, and although I did think "well I'll wake up if it catches fire and put it out", I cannot stop focusing on the initial thought of feeling like I wanted to cause harm and also the inaction of deliberately NOT moving the transformer / unplugging the laptop before I fell alseep. At the time, I was on a high dose of quetapine and feeling pretty groggy too. I don't know why this gets me down so much, especially if had I known 100 percent that an action I did or didn't do would cause a fire, i.e. deliberately setting fire to something and leaving the house, that's obviously something I wouldn't do, but I feel bad because of something that "could've happened".. any advice would be appreciated. thanks Link to comment
PolarBear Posted April 8, 2019 Share Posted April 8, 2019 Forget about it. You're obviously analyzing this, trying to figure out intent and blame. That is OCD's little game; suck you in to a ruminating nightmare that is pointless. So just leave it alone. No further work is required. You don't have to figure anything out. Link to comment
Angst Posted April 9, 2019 Share Posted April 9, 2019 (edited) I assume that your harm theme involves checking. The ‘making sure’ is the checking. You had an ‘angry thought’. This is common. Especially when people upset us. It is said, saints do not have them. But then I have never met a saint. Let it pass, contemplate no more. Edited April 9, 2019 by Angst Link to comment
Andrea Posted April 11, 2019 Share Posted April 11, 2019 Hi Atlantis I agree with polarbear and angst. You only had an angry thought about your neighbour. It was just a thought. Don't feel bad or guilty for having a bad thought. big HUG Link to comment
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