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*sigh* hi, it's me again. i'm back in here... suffering. yesterday i was looking at my sister's body (just to see if i liked it and/or it aroused me, then i started to "check her out" i felt something in my expression changed, she didn't notice, of course, but i felt so scared. and guilty. so guilty right now. it's like i can be sure i did it on my own but then i doubt it was the intention (it wasnt for sure the very first intention) but i could feel my expression changing and i panicked. as i am panicking now, sweating. i dont even think i liked what i saw (that i liked "checking her out) is a big NO, but still the fact i did look at her like that, checking her out... even if there was no change in my expression (bc i've recorded myself to see what expression i had in that moment, recreating the scene and such) i know these are compulsions and maybe it's all ocd but this week has been hellish, and i need a little push. thanks x

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okay so i was like why dont i look up "check someone out" definition and it's "to look at someone to see how atrractive they are" meaning you already know you like that person so you're just looking at them from head to toes?? meaning i cant do it when im looking to check if i like her, being in doubt... so they're opposites right?!!

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Hi Lily,

Nothing new here. You've had a trigger (intrusive thought), ruminated (compulsion) and then come here for reassurance (compulsion). We can give you comfort for the horrible feelings, but we can't give you reassurance for what has just happened. I used to have similar worries around my niece when she was a toddler, it was worse than hell. But, with the right approach you can get better. How are you going to approach this trigger? What would your therapist say (if you' have one at the moment)? What would the guys the forum here say to the above?

There's nothing new here Lily- treat like you've been told to and it will ease off.

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12 minutes ago, Binxy said:

Hi Lily,

Nothing new here. You've had a trigger (intrusive thought), ruminated (compulsion) and then come here for reassurance (compulsion). We can give you comfort for the horrible feelings, but we can't give you reassurance for what has just happened. I used to have similar worries around my niece when she was a toddler, it was worse than hell. But, with the right approach you can get better. How are you going to approach this trigger? What would your therapist say (if you' have one at the moment)? What would the guys the forum here say to the above?

There's nothing new here Lily- treat like you've been told to and it will ease off.

thank you binxy, i have an appointment with my psychologist in an hour and a half, let's see how it goes.

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OK- hope the appointment goes well. Hang in there.

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3 hours ago, lily17 said:

*sigh* hi, it's me again. i'm back in here... suffering. yesterday i was looking at my sister's body (just to see if i liked it and/or it aroused me, then i started to "check her out" i felt something in my expression changed, she didn't notice, of course, but i felt so scared. and guilty. so guilty right now. it's like i can be sure i did it on my own but then i doubt it was the intention (it wasnt for sure the very first intention) but i could feel my expression changing and i panicked. as i am panicking now, sweating. i dont even think i liked what i saw (that i liked "checking her out) is a big NO, but still the fact i did look at her like that, checking her out... even if there was no change in my expression (bc i've recorded myself to see what expression i had in that moment, recreating the scene and such) i know these are compulsions and maybe it's all ocd but this week has been hellish, and i need a little push. thanks x

Sorry you're having a difficult time right now Lily, but in what we is this a relapse?   Sometimes a little bluntness is needed to help give us perspective. For me, a relapse is where a person is actively making proactive progress challenging their OCD and sometimes they take 2 or 3 steps forward, but then get the odd backwards step (which is scary, but not unusual or need be nothing more than a blip).   Based off your posts I fear this is not a relapse, but simply more of the same suffering you've been going through for a long time now, which sucks for you (we have all been there). What worries me is that despite seeing a therapist I am not sure how much proactive steps you are taking as most of the post continue to contain the same fundamental errors, some of which seems to be due to a lack of understanding of the OCD/CBT concepts.

I hope the appointment goes well, but if things don't change in the next few weeks you may need to review your approach (including therapist choice if possible). 

Recovery is possible, but we have to make recovery happen and we can only do that by doing the right things.

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I have heard this many times from sufferers, they have the wrong image of what recovery is. Sorry but a relapse requires you to start the recovery process. The first thing we must understand is that this is longterm, changes don't happen after weeks and months. 

 

 

Edited by OCDhavenobrain

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1 hour ago, OCDhavenobrain said:

he first thing we must understand is that this is longterm, changes don't happen after weeks and months. 

I essentially agree with what you're saying, just that believe it or not recovery can start to happen in days, after that the small print of nailing recovery may take some weeks, but sometimes I have seen amazing change happen in days where a person goes from being unable to function to suddenly doing things again.   But otherwise, I do agree with the point you're making.

It's important to understand that recovery is not about avoiding but about confronting.

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yes it shouldn't be "don't". An example was last year when I gave everything to resist compulsions. After 2 weeks it have weaned of a great deal. But then I also really really gave everything I had. 

I think Lily is clever and knows what we are preaching. I want to warn against using the word relapse because in this in this situation it is not accurate

Edited by OCDhavenobrain

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5 hours ago, Ashley said:

Sorry you're having a difficult time right now Lily, but in what we is this a relapse?   Sometimes a little bluntness is needed to help give us perspective. For me, a relapse is where a person is actively making proactive progress challenging their OCD and sometimes they take 2 or 3 steps forward, but then get the odd backwards step (which is scary, but not unusual or need be nothing more than a blip).   Based off your posts I fear this is not a relapse, but simply more of the same suffering you've been going through for a long time now, which sucks for you (we have all been there). What worries me is that despite seeing a therapist I am not sure how much proactive steps you are taking as most of the post continue to contain the same fundamental errors, some of which seems to be due to a lack of understanding of the OCD/CBT concepts.

I hope the appointment goes well, but if things don't change in the next few weeks you may need to review your approach (including therapist choice if possible). 

Recovery is possible, but we have to make recovery happen and we can only do that by doing the right things.

The appointment went well. She gave me homework and I'm seeing her again in 10 days. I've been seeing her for two appointments only, because my other therapist had to quit for personal reasons, and I gotta say she appears yo know even better OCD than the other one, they're both experts but this one is around my age and I like her. I'll be okay, thanks Ashley.

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Recovery is when you control your anxiety it doesn’t control you. Because anxiety doesn’t have a word component it doesn’t respond to talk therapy but only OCD therapy which is not sitting in a chair chatting .

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