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Apology-Want To Tear My Brain Out (Merged Thread)


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38 minutes ago, don't know said:

Others say I just post on here all the time which is true and I really shouldn't take up your time here, it's really selfish and unkind of me. I do feel awful about it. But how can I change? It doesn't matter - it's gone. I feel like no one ever considers that it possibly might not be OCD.

It isn’t a question of being selfish or unkind...my main worry’s the way you’re using the forum is actually doing a great deal to hinder you and it has for some time. As I’ve said before, with the best will in the world as much as we all want to, we can only do so much to help you.

We’ve patiently explained over a number of years why what you’re doing is ensuring you’ll continue to feel like this, but you’ve got to be prepared to try our suggestions for a great deal longer than a couple of hours, that’s what it’s going to take to begin seeing an improvement DK. You can’t expect to hold-off researching and reading other sites for so short a time and expect to notice a shift, you need to actively make a decision now to commit to refuse to perform the compulsions for days and weeks.

Please also try to bear in mind none of us here are trained professionals. However  good the support you’ve received is (and imo it’s been amazing), it isn’t a substitute as I’ve also said before for one-to-one therapy with a psychologist, that’s what I feel you really need. Would your family support you following through with your GP and accessing adult mental health services?

Edit: Replied simultaneously with Felix:)

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Yes I go on and on about it and that's because I never get a clear answer. Honestly, you can tell the difference between someone obsessing because of OCD and someone who matches every single thing that they are afraid of and won't admit it. I think I'm in the latter section. No one addresses that. That's why I get frustrated,.

Also how can I see an improvement when I don't get intrusive thoughts? I just feel like I need an answer and then I get one I'm not happy with it. The point is even if I stopped going on those websites etc, it would still be true because I match everything, no amount of removing compulsions etc would change that at all. 

I've had that one to one therapy three times all unsuccessful. I know people say that you can get bad therapists etc but my second therapist was really good and thought the problem was OCD. It wasn't though because I never got better from cbt and all that. I never even got anywhere with just talk therapy. Also my family says that I never had OCD. 

 

Edited by don't know
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Cold, harsh reality. You are deluding yourself. I am 100% sure you did not stop your compulsions for 4 to 6 months, consistently. You can't make it 4 to 6 hours. Months is what it will take.

You do get obsessions. Continually. You just don't recognize them as such because you are so far down the rabbit hole, you cannot see the truth.

And you still won't answer my very simple question: what are you doing here?

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The point is I worked on stopping them. I didn't do them for a while and it kept coming up. How is that deluding myself? 

How can I not see the truth? I'm sorry I'm coming across argumentative. I really don't mean to. But I am being truthful, I fit more into that stuff rather than OCD. I relate more to that stuff than OCD. I'm now panicked about stuff that would originally disprove all this - I feel physically ill by it - not the so-called fear. 

Also, I come on here as a way to cope. I'm so used to posting on here and this being an outlet, and as a way to stay in denial. 

Edited by don't know
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7 hours ago, don't know said:

Yes I go on and on about it and that's because I never get a clear answer.

We can't give you an answer. Only advise.

As for therapy, I really think you should look into getting some sort of support that way, regardless of whether you think it's OCD or not - at this point, the main thing is that you're under a lot of stress and anxiety, you can't sleep, etc, which you have a duty to yourself to address :) A professional can help you do that. Just because the first three times were 'ineffective' doesn't necessarily mean anything - anyway, I thought you said after the third time you did feel an improvement for a while, even if you then relapsed.

Some people are in therapy a long time before they start to be able to really use it as a tool. That's OK, it's just how it happens sometimes.

Please give it a try. Doesn't matter if it's OCD or not, therapy has the potential to be helpful if you let it :) Even if it's just a safe place where you can let off steam! 

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Therapy doesn't work for me, I can understand it helps other people but not me and I always go in open minded and thinking that maybe this time it will help. It really hasn't. I've had simple talk therapy as well as cbt and it's not helped.

I've even had sessions to help me dealing with not being able to sleep and again nothing really came from it even trying to implement the changes. 

The third time there wasn't even a second session I was told to come back in six months and I decided to not go back. 

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It doesn't matter what you've done in the past - the point is that you feel bad now. Wouldn't it be useful to talk to someone?

We can't help you any more than we have already. There's no point going round and round like this.

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Guest OCDhavenobrain

If therapy doesn't work how can we help you? I mean we are advocating for CBT.

It could be that all of those "problems" are not real problems. But wasting time to OCD will eat up your days and there are just so many hours in a day. Which makes us stressful and more anxious.

Edited by OCDhavenobrain
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What do you mean they aren't real problems? Sorry I didn't see you had edited your post. 

Or they are probably real, I seen too many things that just match me that show that it's real. 

Edited by don't know
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Guest OCDhavenobrain

Wrote it wrong. It could be that those are not real problems. That you are obsessing about things which doesnt matter, now you dont have OCD but people without OCD are also ruminate/worry about things which are not real problems.

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Guest OCDhavenobrain

But I am really intrestikg in hearing why you write here if therapy doesnt work and it is CBT (that is a fact) we are trying to use here.

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i should stop. I've posted on other OCD forums where they have said I don't have OCD. I've posted on these other sites saying that what I'm dealing with is OCD. But I don't follow OCD, it's true and I can't accept that. I've had one therapist who said I don't have OCD, and another who didn't diagnose me with anything. Like I said I'm not sure where to turn to.

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Guest OCDhavenobrain

I looked at your posts  yestersday and you are pretty much repeating yourself, almost word for word. How many times will you say that you are accepting that you are not having OCD? You have to realize that nobody can take your words on this matter serious by now?

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6 hours ago, don't know said:

I've done that though and again it doesn't help. I just end up resorting back to this. 

THIS ISN'T HELPING EITHER! Yet you continue to do it every day! Don't give us this story that you won't do CBT because it doesn't work. Come on! You keep posting here and going to other forums and that is CLEARLY not working for you, yet you continually do it.

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Guest OCDhavenobrain

Btw, you can't even admit that it could be OCD and you think its weird that therapy didn't work. For how long did you resist when you got tasks? Could you tell what exactöy you did beside trying to "eliminate" the thoughts?

Edited by OCDhavenobrain
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1 hour ago, OCDhavenobrain said:

Btw, you can't even admit that it could be OCD and you think its weird that therapy didn't work. For how long did you resist when you got tasks? Could you tell what exactöy you did beside trying to "eliminate" the thoughts?

When I went to therapy, I did think it was OCD so I approached with an open mind. First, I was asked about how much time all this took up. We then discussed the pattern of OCD thoughts, and the mechanics of it. I got given exercises so I was taught the theory A and B which ended just being one side of the paper being why it could all be true. Mindfulness, which did help to calm me down. I also read some cbt books and OCD books and I tried to follow all those things. I created hierarchies and tried to implement rating my anxiety and none of it worked. 

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