Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
don't know

Apology-Want To Tear My Brain Out (Merged Thread)

Recommended Posts

Take a break from the forum. Block the site for a while. It is doing you no good to read here, not even the best advices

Share this post


Link to post

I'm another level of confused right now. I tried to distract myself and it worked but then I would feel anxiety and then I would think it proves it true. I then ended up reading more things and I felt like I related to them. It's so weird and I'm not sure what to believe anymore. It feels as though dealing with the thoughts is used to repress or deny myself and it feels like I don't belong on this forum. I've also been doing some reading of OCD and I don't seem to follow a pattern. The examples they give in the books show that I really don't have OCD because it's clearly OCD. All this is probably something I have to work out on my own.

Edited by don't know

Share this post


Link to post

When you realise that all this doubt and uncertainty is classic OCD, and really start to believe what we tell you, you will embark on the road to recovery. 

You really need to do this, it's the way forward. 

Share this post


Link to post

 

9 hours ago, don't know said:

I.tried to distract myself and it worked but then I would feel anxiety and then I would think it proves it true. 

This is when you need to dig deep and try not to fall back into using compulsions to ease the anxiety...try and sit with the feelings rather than...

9 hours ago, don't know said:

I then ended up reading more things and I felt like I related to them.

.....It may not have felt like it but you did have a choice whether to research or not (a compulsion) it wasn’t something that automatically happened, it’s a habit as much as anything and one you really need to work harder at breaking.

Back on the old horse today :horse:keep going with focusing on other things, hopefully the weather’s good where you are and you can make the most of it while it lasts and really engage in your surroundings rather than work.

Share this post


Link to post

DK, how about this - why not just take a break from all this researching for a while? You've probably got exams coming up right? Why not just pause all this and focus on your studies, there is no need to add extra stress when you have revision to do. When you get anxious and the thoughts come up, just try to accept that these thoughts will come and go and refocus your energy back into what you were doing. When you're done with all the exams and coursework, then maybe revisit this and see how you feel. Do you think you can commit to taking a break?

Share this post


Link to post

I would try that but it'll always be there so there's no point, no amount of researching or not researching can influence who I am now. It doesn't matter anyway. 

Edited by don't know

Share this post


Link to post

Alright, I've had enough of this and I know people on here have had enough as well. I've just decided to do nothing - it's not like it matters anyway I'm going on nearly 5 years of this. I just said to myself fine and then my brain just stopped. I feel calmer for it but I'm not happy about it. There's no point though. Everything that relates to anything that I'm scared about actually relates to me if that makes sense? 

I felt like maybe I had gotten better at one point but I hadn't. It was probably my last sign of happiness until I accepted the truth. I'm in denial and I should really stop embarrasing myself. Whenever something happens or i think something and it perfectly matches up with my fear. That's just me repressing myself at this point. I've seen so many people just say 'once I accepted myself I felt so much better and all my repressed memories came flooding back in.' That's exactly what's been happening to me!

I really don't want to continue on. I think what have I done to **** someone off? I see so many people out living their lives and they don't worry to the extent I do. I feel like everything I thought was true was a lie. I just need to get over it. 

Edited by don't know

Share this post


Link to post

Okay. Whatever.

You're like the boy who cried wolf. We've heard this many times before. Yeah, yeah, you're just going to accept it. Uh huh.

You'll be back five times tomorrow and five times the day after that. Nothing will change because you are unwilling to take our advice and change your ways.

See you next time for the same old thing.

Share this post


Link to post
On 19/04/2019 at 18:40, don't know said:

But here's the thing what if I don't really care about them, and I'm just disguising it as an 'exposure.'

What if you do really care about them and the only reason you are suffering these thoughts is because of OCD?  Why focus on only the worst case scenario?  Why ignore all the other possibilities?  

Thinking like that, the "what if the worst thing is really true" is a hallmark of OCD.  That you keep going back to thoughts like that is why I can be so confident that what you are dealing with is OCD btw.

There are an endless number of "what ifs" that you can go through, some likely, some unlikely, some so obscure and unlikely as to be virtually impossible, yet still technically possible.  Just because you can imagine something possibly being true doesn't mean it IS true or is even LIKELY to be true.  Thats a trap and you need to be careful about falling in to it.

Share this post


Link to post
On 20/04/2019 at 09:30, don't know said:

I've also been doing some reading of OCD and I don't seem to follow a pattern.

You 100% follow the pattern of OCD.  Here's all it takes:

Do you have unwanted, intrusive thoughts/images that cause you distress?  Yes, you do.  (Obsessions)
Do you engage in repeated behaviors to try and neutralize those thoughts?  Yes, you do.  (Compulsions)

For example:

On 20/04/2019 at 09:30, don't know said:

I then ended up reading more things and I felt like I related to them

This is a checking compulsion.  You do this behavior over and over, trying to prove to yourself one way or the other that you are either a deviant or have OCD.  It never works.  We know it never works because you keep coming back and saying and doing the same thing.

Don't Know, I'm sorry I know I've said this before, but the honest truth is you have a very poor understanding of what OCD is and how people with OCD behave.  You keep insisting that certain behaviors and actions are different than how an OCD sufferer would react or what they would do and every time you've been wrong.  Every time they have, in fact, been typical behaviors of OCD sufferers.

Share this post


Link to post
On 20/04/2019 at 21:35, don't know said:

no amount of researching or not researching can influence who I am now.

Exactly, because researching is a compulsion, its not going to help you.  Thats what we keep trying to tell you.

Share this post


Link to post

After a couple of days away from the forum I'm having trouble. My thoughts keep switching I don't know who I am anymore. Maybe I never knew in the first place. It's weird my mind has focused on another topic and I ended up reading things about it and feeling like I would probably relate to it in the future. It feels like whatever I'm scared of happening to me I relate to the most? It just feels like all of my thoughts are connected in some way. I'm sorry that makes no sense whatsoever. 

Edited by don't know

Share this post


Link to post

DK, you're saying all the same things you did before. What is it you hope to hear from us? All we can do is repeat all the advice we've previously given.

Share this post


Link to post
8 hours ago, don't know said:

 It feels like whatever I'm scared of happening to me I relate to the most?

 

Well you saw previously that when you analyse your feelings they disappear and when you stop analysing and focus your attention elsewhere, they appear again. This is similar, becasue you are afraid, you're placing a lot of value on the things you are reading about and so you feel that you relate to them. This is very similar to the feelings thing, the more you keep reading, the more you will feel like you relate. 

Share this post


Link to post

The thing is though what if I'm hiding from myself. I don't know at this point. I just feel like I don't have an answer and I feel so uncomfortable not having one, I feel like I should have one but I don't. 

Share this post


Link to post

You can't have that certainty. And you should now by now "what if" prefixes are indicative of OCD at work. 

You have to stop connecting with these intrusions, and stop trying to work it out. 

Share this post


Link to post

I understand that this has to do with certainty, but wouldn't the majority of people just know that they wouldn't do these things? 

Edited by don't know

Share this post


Link to post
1 hour ago, don't know said:

I understand that this has to do with certainty, but wouldn't the majority of people just know that they wouldn't do these things? 

But the majority of people can also process dealing with uncertainty better.  So when we know something is contributing to making our OCD and anxiety worse (such as the need for certainty) we have to look at what we can do to address that (for long term recovery).   So let me ask, what proactive things are you doing to deal with your OCD better? 

Share this post


Link to post

I try ignoring it but then it comes back up. But it's just I feel as though someone would just know and I don't. 

Share this post


Link to post
2 minutes ago, don't know said:

I try ignoring it but then it comes back up. But it's just I feel as though someone would just know and I don't. 

Most people don’t have OCD, so they don’t even bother thinking about this sort of thing. Most people don’t sit and question themselves like this. They don’t know or have certainty, they just don’t care.

People who have OCD, on the other hand, are bombarded with these intrusive thoughts that make them feel like it’s all real. So they too don’t know because they fear that it’s real and many times believe that it’s real, even though it isn’t.

Share this post


Link to post
52 minutes ago, don't know said:

I try ignoring it but then it comes back up. But it's just I feel as though someone would just know and I don't. 

It will come back up. When the thoughts come up, you don't have to ignore them, just accept they are there, notice them and let them go. Then when it comes up again, do the same thing. Don't pay them any more attention than that. No ruminating over whether or not they're true, or carrying out compulsions like looking online. Turn your mind to something else, or do something that might help distract you. Trying to ignore or push away thoughts will probably only make them bob up again more determinedly - you need to show them they don't matter :)

Edited by Sputnik

Share this post


Link to post

(Sorry for double-post, I got confused!)

55 minutes ago, don't know said:

But it's just I feel as though someone would just know and I don't. 

I have had similar themes to this and I have felt (and still do sometimes) that I don't know if they really are OCD rather than the truth. But I go with OCD, because all the symptoms point to that as being far more likely than the latter.

Edited by Sputnik

Share this post


Link to post
4 hours ago, don't know said:

The thing is though what if I'm hiding from myself. I don't know at this point. I just feel like I don't have an answer and I feel so uncomfortable not having one, I feel like I should have one but I don't. 

You are not going to get an answer. Plain and simple. You've tried getting an answer for more than five years. It didn't work. It's never going to work. So forget about an answer. Move on.

Share this post


Link to post
3 hours ago, don't know said:

I understand that this has to do with certainty, but wouldn't the majority of people just know that they wouldn't do these things? 

But the thing you are so afraid of is meaningless. The number of people who would gladly say those words, out loud, to show you they are harmless is endless.

Edited by PolarBear

Share this post


Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...