What is this about?

[BelAnna]

I have started having odd slightly sociopathic thoughts that no-one and nothing matters/counts/is significant and that it doesn't matter what happens to anyone.

I guess these are OCD thoughts, although they're a bit more unusual than normal ones. 

In some respects I feel apathetic towards these thoughts, which is worrying. On the other hand I really want these thoughts to disappear- I want to care about people, their feelings/emotions and the world around me. 

Has anyone had similar OCD thoughts?

 

[daja]

I worry about if I have to visit loved ones in hospital if they are going to have radiation therapy etc. Which makes me feel selfish.

We had a lovely neighbour who had esophagus cancer. I should have visited her in hospital.

[taurean]

2 hours ago, BelAnna said:

I have started having odd slightly sociopathic thoughts that no-one and nothing matters/counts/is significant and that it doesn't matter what happens to anyone.

I guess these are OCD thoughts, although they're a bit more unusual than normal ones. 

In some respects I feel apathetic towards these thoughts, which is worrying. On the other hand I really want these thoughts to disappear- I want to care about people, their feelings/emotions and the world around me. 

Has anyone had similar OCD thoughts?

 

It's just another theme of OCD. 

We can obsess about anything really and it's just something else your OCD has conjured up. 

Here it's another example of OCD targeting one or more of our true core values, and alleging otherwise. 

2 hours ago, BelAnna said:

In some respects I feel apathetic towards these thoughts, which is worrying. On the other hand I really want these thoughts to disappear- I want to care about people, their feelings/emotions and the world around me. 

Don't try and work out why you feel how you do as a result. 

The thoughts themselves are simply worthless nonsense and you need to simply note them then refocus away. 

Trying to get rid of of them will simply make them stronger. 

Just think "oh that's only my silly obsession" and move on. 

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

Not believing everything that pops up in your head is a part od you is what have to happen id one wants to recover and the most crucial cognitive realisation in the journey to overcome OCD. 

I would say that this is the reason most fail to recover. They just can't accept it, it can't be so.

Edited April 19, 2019 by OCDhavenobrain

[jenkijunki]

Hi. I agree with the other comments. The only other thought that occurred to me when I read your post is if itbisca bit of depression creeping in. Living with ocd can trigger a low mood. Your insight into it being incongruous to your core values is a good indicator that it is your OCD.

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

Something went wrong there... 

The most crucial part of recovery is acknowledge and understand that you are NOT everything that pops up in your head.

[BelAnna]

Thanks so much for your help daja, Taurean, OCDhavenobrain and jenkijunki!

I do sort of know that these thoughts are Ego-dystonic and potentially affected by Depression but it's so difficult to disregard them. It sort of horrifies me that I could think so little of other people- very odd! I often feel empty and purposeless and have been having thoughts that love, affection, connectedness etc. are all just  meaningless constructs BUT these thoughts are just thoughts as you all say. 

Thank you  

[gingerbreadgirl]

Honestly if you could hear the random, bizarre and downright awful stuff that randomly trots through my head you'd have me locked up. Luckily my ocd doesn't tend to latch onto it and I can just see it as the random mental garbage it is. At the end of the day though - thoughts mean nothing, they do nothing, they affect nobody, they are just electrical events in a lump of grey matter. What matters is what you do. 

[taurean]

Thoughts run on a conveyor belt through our mind. We can't control their entry and onto the conveyor, but we can let the intrusive ones  pass and around the corner and out of sight. 

And that is what we can all aim to achieve. Because that is what the non-sufferer does automatically. 

And we all have the capability of reaching that stage too if we apply what we are told to do. 

[BelAnna]

Thanks Gingerbreadgirl, I really just need to remind myself of that! 

Thanks Taurean, that's a helpful analogy!