Jump to content

Recommended Posts

2 hours ago, Pranjali said:

For me, at this point, it is not about thoughts feeling real, it is reality for me.

Just yesterday, I began thinking I am not good enough to raise children. A few days back I was playing with my nieces (2 year olds) and I started to feel I misbehaved with them. That anxiety of feeling like a pedophile was bad. Do you think I should tell my cousin about it that I feel this? 

How can it be about 'so what' kind of thinking here? Where in the world is pedophilia an accepted norm?

That is a very common OCD theme (and one I am personally very familiar with). It might sound unusual, but actually you hear it a lot from many OCD sufferers.

It's still OCD. Allow the thoughts to come and go, without dwelling on them. They're just intrusions and don't reflect on you as a person.

Share this post


Link to post

I am struggling. The urge to go tell my cousin (father of those nieces) is increasing. Shouldn't they know as parents if someone misbehaved with their kids? Shouldn't they put me in jail?

Also, does this happen to people with OCD that - now that this is getting ingrained in your mind, your mind on purpose thinks of triggering thoughts? For instance - the feeling of being a bad person, misbehaving with children - so if there is a person talking about children, your mind racing with bad thoughts about children? Am I being able to communicate my query?

Edited by Pranjali

Share this post


Link to post
2 hours ago, Pranjali said:

I am struggling. The urge to go tell my cousin (father of those nieces) is increasing. Shouldn't they know as parents if someone misbehaved with their kids? Shouldn't they put me in jail?

Also, does this happen to people with OCD that - now that this is getting ingrained in your mind, your mind on purpose thinks of triggering thoughts? For instance - the feeling of being a bad person, misbehaving with children - so if there is a person talking about children, your mind racing with bad thoughts about children? Am I being able to communicate my query?

It's your OCD telling you there was something you did that was wrong. Have you had a look at this page of the OCD-UK website? https://www.ocduk.org/ocd/types/. Scroll down and click on Intrusive Thoughts, and then Sexual Intrusive Thoughts. You might find it useful.

'Confessing' to someone about your OCD obsession is a compulsion. There is no need to carry it out or to subject yourself to any punishment, you have done nothing wrong. Intrusive thoughts are a normal part of life, the difference is that an OCD-sufferer will latch onto those thoughts and believe them, and do everything in their power to not commit them in reality, whether that's through feeling intense anxiety and/or shame, avoidance, mental checking, ruminating or all manner of other compulsions or attempts to reassure oneself. 

Say, for example, I went to post an important letter. On the way back from the postbox, a thought pops into my head: 'What if I didn't put it in the postbox, but I actually put it in the bin nearby?' A non-sufferer would likely think, 'No, that's unlikely.' and forget about it. An OCD-sufferer would be more inclined to think 'Oh no! I must have binned it accidentally!' and ruminate on it, go over and over their memory of the moment of posting the letter, maybe go back to the postbox to see if they can see it, and perhaps create a false memory that they did indeed put the letter in the bin instead of the postbox. An ordinary, every-day activity has become a subject for intense anxiety and checking compulsions.

Carrying out compulsions only strengthen your belief that you must have done something wrong. There is nothing to be gained by doing them, for you or for anyone else.

As for your second question, what you're describing are Triggers, which bring on the Intrusive Thoughts - you see or hear about children, and your Intrusive Thoughts about them become more intense. You feel even more anxious and try to work out if they have any meaning. This spurs on the anxiety. And so on.

I know how hard and scary and exhausting OCD is, and I'm sorry you're suffering :hug: With the right approach, you can overcome it and not be bothered by intrusive thoughts in the same way. Have you given the OCD-UK website a good look-through? Lots of very useful information there.

I hope this is of some help!

Share this post


Link to post

Thank you @Sputnik. What I do not seem to follow is that I am not able to point it out as thought as such. It is not just thought 'feeling' real. It is the reality. For any person to realize that he/she has done wrong in reality, would imply that the person is supposed to go apologize to the person concerned no (in this case my cousin). Isn't that how it supposed to me? I remember @dksea stating the difference between thoughts real thoughts and intrusive thought but this is about reality. And my husband feels I am just obsessing over this but for me it is the reality. What is reality? Reality is not thought, reality is action right?

And yes, I am scared to see those nieces of mine because I feel like a wrong person. And as strange as this sounds, whenever I  see their pictures I am scared and I feel I am DELIBERATELY having thoughts which are not nice in nature. 

But yes it is reality for me. Doing is reality for me, not just thinking. Me misbehaving with those little ones has happened in reality. Why shouldn't tell their parents and let them decide what they wish to do with my behavior? I should be jailed! 

Edited by Pranjali

Share this post


Link to post

And as it irritating as this sounds, I have somehow started to as well believe that this is not OCD! I have messed up and I deserve punishment.

Share this post


Link to post
7 hours ago, Pranjali said:

Thank you @Sputnik. What I do not seem to follow is that I am not able to point it out as thought as such. It is not just thought 'feeling' real. It is the reality. For any person to realize that he/she has done wrong in reality, would imply that the person is supposed to go apologize to the person concerned no (in this case my cousin). Isn't that how it supposed to me? I remember @dksea stating the difference between thoughts real thoughts and intrusive thought but this is about reality. And my husband feels I am just obsessing over this but for me it is the reality. What is reality? Reality is not thought, reality is action right?

And yes, I am scared to see those nieces of mine because I feel like a wrong person. And as strange as this sounds, whenever I  see their pictures I am scared and I feel I am DELIBERATELY having thoughts which are not nice in nature. 

But yes it is reality for me. Doing is reality for me, not just thinking. Me misbehaving with those little ones has happened in reality. Why shouldn't tell their parents and let them decide what they wish to do with my behavior? I should be jailed! 

 

7 hours ago, Pranjali said:

And as it irritating as this sounds, I have somehow started to as well believe that this is not OCD! I have messed up and I deserve punishment.

This is all OCD. You've created a reality that complies with what OCD tells you, rather than looking rationally at things. That's what OCD does, it blows everything out of proportion :)

I know you think you must have done these things, but really they're just thoughts. Thoughts are not the same as actions.

Share this post


Link to post
4 minutes ago, Sputnik said:

 

This is all OCD. You've created a reality that complies with what OCD tells you, rather than looking rationally at things. That's what OCD does, it blows everything out of proportion :)

I know you think you must have done these things, but really they're just thoughts. Thoughts are not the same as actions.

I don't know what to say. How do you prove your actions? 

Yes it is slightly odd that I am trying to prove my misdoings, but then it would only be fair!

Share this post


Link to post

I know you are totally stuck in this quagmire and I know how utterly convincing and scary it can be. 

But... You MUST leave this alone. You MUST trust us when we say you absolutely cannot sort this out or figure it out no matter what you do. 

The doubt, uncertainty and fear can be overwhelming I know. And you feel like you NEED to figure it out or you're a terrible person. But trust us - you don't need to figure this out. 

If you leave this alone you will start to feel better and you will see things clearly. But you must leave it alone first. 

Share this post


Link to post
2 minutes ago, Pranjali said:

I don't know what to say. How do you prove your actions? 

Yes it is slightly odd that I am trying to prove my misdoings, but then it would only be fair!

Attempting to 'prove' your actions is another compulsion. You'll never reach a definitive answer that way, or through any compulsions. There is no way, or need, to prove it. You just have to take a leap of faith and trust that this is all OCD, and you haven't done anything to be ashamed of. OCD will always try to convince you your fears are true (as well as convince you that you don't have OCD at all), but it can be disregarded, with the effort of not engaging in those thoughts and compulsions :) I know it's really hard, but if you can give it a go you might find your anxiety shifts slightly, and you feel a bit different? Then you can build on that gradually. Just a thought :) 

Share this post


Link to post
7 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

I know you are totally stuck in this quagmire and I know how utterly convincing and scary it can be. 

But... You MUST leave this alone. You MUST trust us when we say you absolutely cannot sort this out or figure it out no matter what you do. 

The doubt, uncertainty and fear can be overwhelming I know. And you feel like you NEED to figure it out or you're a terrible person. But trust us - you don't need to figure this out. 

If you leave this alone you will start to feel better and you will see things clearly. But you must leave it alone first. 

100% agree with gingerbreadgirl here. There are so many threads on this forum like yours, and so many people are terrified and convinced they're bad or have committed a crime/misbehaved etc. I've been there too, (and still am sometimes), and I know how much it feels like the OCD is the truth and the people around you don't understand, but trust the advice people here are giving you, cos they really do get it :)

Edited by Sputnik

Share this post


Link to post

I understand. Yes it is not seeming possible to take that leap of faith, it feels like a lie, like an excuse which I don't want to face because I am a coward! What happens if I go and vent it out with my nieces' parents?

How would a non OCD sufferer handle this? Wouldn't it be the same course of action?

I am not able to see how I differ from a non OCD sufferer, indeed!

Share this post


Link to post
9 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

I know you are totally stuck in this quagmire and I know how utterly convincing and scary it can be. 

But... You MUST leave this alone. You MUST trust us when we say you absolutely cannot sort this out or figure it out no matter what you do. 

The doubt, uncertainty and fear can be overwhelming I know. And you feel like you NEED to figure it out or you're a terrible person. But trust us - you don't need to figure this out. 

If you leave this alone you will start to feel better and you will see things clearly. But you must leave it alone first. 

Yes the need to prove and the urge to settle it out is too strong because the otherwise feels morally wrong and like an escape. I am trying but I am not able to cope. Ruminating and confessing about this issue is so strong on my mind right now.

Share this post


Link to post
3 minutes ago, Sputnik said:

100% agree with gingerbreadgirl here. There are so many threads on this forum like yours, and so many people are terrified and convinced they're bad or have committed a crime/misbehaved etc. I've been there too, (and still am sometimes), and I know how much it feels like the OCD is the truth and the people around you don't understand, but trust the advice people here are giving you, cos they really do get it :)

I cannot thank the people here enough, but just feels like a web, an impossible one to get out from - honestly because my mind DOES NOT want to, that is the honest truth.

Share this post


Link to post
15 hours ago, Pranjali said:

I understand. Yes it is not seeming possible to take that leap of faith, it feels like a lie, like an excuse which I don't want to face because I am a coward! What happens if I go and vent it out with my nieces' parents?

How would a non OCD sufferer handle this? Wouldn't it be the same course of action?

I am not able to see how I differ from a non OCD sufferer, indeed!

Any responses to this?

Share this post


Link to post
On 01/05/2019 at 22:50, Pranjali said:

What happens if I go and vent it out with my nieces' parents?

Best case scenario? They understand your condition and recognize your fears for what they are, false alarms fired by a malfunctioning part of your brain that don't at all reflect reality.

Worst case scenario? They believe you're "confession", it causes them and your whole family a lot of pain.  You are punished for something you didn't do.  Everyone loses, no one is happy.
 

On 01/05/2019 at 22:50, Pranjali said:

How would a non OCD sufferer handle this? Wouldn't it be the same course of action?

A non-OCD sufferer would either not notice the intrusive thought to begin with (their mind would filter it out too quickly for it to be noticed by the conscious mind) or they would dismiss it as just a silly thought.
 

On 01/05/2019 at 22:50, Pranjali said:

I am not able to see how I differ from a non OCD sufferer, indeed!

As I said above, to a non-sufferer this kind of thought doesn't get stuck.  The reason it seems so important and meaningful to you isn't because it actually happened, its because you can't simply dismiss it and let it go away like a non-sufferer.

Imagine you are sitting at your house, and in front of your house is a somewhat busy road.  Not so much that its jammed with traffic, but enough that cars go by on a pretty regular basis.  Most of the time you barely notice the cars.  One might catch your interest briefly if its unusually or particularly noteworthy or if you have some reason to think about that specific type of car (say you watched a move recently which prominently featured a specific type of car), but they all pass by in a moment, so you move on.  Now, imagine, that one day while you are sitting at home, drinking your coffee, you notice a car stop in front of your house.  Thats odd you think, but maybe they just need to check directions or make a phone call.  You try to let it go but when you look back a few minutes later the car is still there.  You start to become more worried, why is this car here, what do they want, why won't they go away.  The longer it sits there the more worried you become.  After some time a tow truck pulls up, attaches itself to the car and the car gets towed away.  Finally you can relax.  There was never a problem to begin with, just a car that got stuck.  Unfortunately for OCD sufferers sometimes thoughts get stuck like that car.  They aren't any actual threat, but because you fixated on it, it SEEMED to be dangerous.  Thats OCD, focusing on non-important thoughts that get stuck in your brain and then seem waaaaaaaaay more important than they are.

 

Share this post


Link to post
On 01/05/2019 at 22:53, Pranjali said:

I cannot thank the people here enough, but just feels like a web, an impossible one to get out from - honestly because my mind DOES NOT want to, that is the honest truth.

My therapist used the example of waking up one day and finding yourself in the middle of a dark, scary forest.  You don't know how you got there, and you aren't sure how to get out.  You can try finding your own way out, but as anyone who has spent time in a forest can tell you, more than likely you'll end up going around in circles.  CBT (whether self guided using books or better with a trained mental health professional) is like being given a compass that points to the way out.  But that compass isn't magic, it won't zap you out of the forest, you still have to walk.  So you take the compass and you start walking.  Unfortunately the forest can be quite large, and at first especially, its going to feel like things aren't really changing.  its still dark, you are still surrounded by trees, are you really getting closer to the exit?  It can feel frustrating, it can seem like you aren't moving anywhere, but eventually if you keep going you will get out of the forrest, you will start to see things change.

Another example that is often used is exercise.  If you are someone who is out of shape, who sits around all day on the couch, the idea of running a marathon seems like a ridiculous idea.  There is no way you can go from where you are to being in good enough shape to run a whole 42.2 km right?  And if you got off the couch on that first day and tried to do it, you would fail, miserably.  Running a marathon? Impossible.  But you decide you will work towards that goal.  The first week you are diligent with your practice, you try and eat better, etc. But after just one week you still feel miserable when you run.  You are easily winded, you are sore and tired.  SO much for exercise.  But if you stick with it, things do change.  At the end, when you look back, you'll be surprised at how far you have come.

Share this post


Link to post

Thank you @dksea! This journey is tough.. Everything is so real that thoughts seem like reality and it is difficult to accept that they were, are and will be thoughts. Thoughts don't just seem to be thoughts because it is reality to me. Images or visuals seem to conjure up and mind feels like that is the reality. I'm planning to look for CBT self help books too or some resources online. 

Thank you once again.

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
On 12/05/2019 at 03:07, Pranjali said:

Thoughts don't just seem to be thoughts because it is reality to me. Images or visuals seem to conjure up and mind feels like that is the reality.

I used this example in a reply on another thread but I might be helpful to you too.  It can help to remember that not only are we more likely to have intrusive thoughts because of OCD, but our perception of things will be colored by those intrusive thoughts seeming so important.  
Consider a newly constructed building.  If you invite a firefighter, a structural engineer, and an interior decorator each to visit the building and tell you what they think, each of them will probably give you an answer that is based on their primary perspective.  A firefighter will look for things like fire risk, escape routes, safety etc.  The structural engineer might have some similarities to the firefighter, but also slightly different, thinking about how the load of the building is distributed, how well it will withstand an earthquake, etc.  Meanwhile the interior decorator will probably have a perspective that is more different than the first two, considering how to use the space in different ways and how different arrangements of furniture, lighting, art, etc. can set different moods.  Each person is seeing the exact same building, but their response is being affected by their mindset.
People often experience this after watching a scary movie.  Suddenly noises, changes in lighting, sensations, etc. that you've experienced often before, without trouble, seem scary!  A scratch at the door makes you jump!  But its just your cat asking to be let out, something thats happened countless times in the past.  OCD affects us in the same way, it colors our view of the world and so we take experiences that would otherwise be perfectly normal and start applying the crazy OCD "logic" to them.  The events really aren't that different, just our interpretation of them.  What was meaningless and non-troublesome before, suddenly seems important and scary.  A thought, a physical sensation, a reminder of the past.  Part of overcoming OCD is making a conscious effort to recognize the thoughts/images/sensations that we have as being distorted.  Yes we are feeling what we feel, thinking what we think, but that doesn't mean the analysis we perform on them is giving us the correct result.

Share this post


Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...