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I don't know whether I am OK or not


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3 hours ago, Binxy said:

It'll just take time GBG, I guess. I still have off days (more than I'd like recently) but for the most part I feel OK. That's a long way from where I was in 2014.... I thought it'd never get better and I'd feel mega anxious all the time. I guess I'm lucky- meds helped me a lot and still do... that combined with some good CBT.

What sort of help are you getting these days (sorry, haven't read the thread from the beginning).

Binx

 

Hi binx

Nice to hear from you. Sorry you've been having some off days recently, I really hope you manage to get it back under control v soon. 

Not getting any help just trying to do self help, not very effectively it would seem!

Gbg x 

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2 hours ago, Avo said:

Try and remember GBG that these moments can and do pass. While we are in them they are horrible but its at these moments we have to rely on what we have learned and trust in the process. Its OCD testing you - it doesn't go down without a fight.

Try and be aware of its tricks. Can you use some of the techniques you have had success with in the past to help ?

 

Hi avo 

You're absolutely right. I need to dig deep and it will pass. I know without doubt that I always feel worse after ruminating. I'm trying to "float above the fray" so to speak and just let it be (a great phrase I got from a book about taking with intrusive thoughts). 

Thank you and how you're OK x 

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20 hours ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

Hi binx

Nice to hear from you. Sorry you've been having some off days recently, I really hope you manage to get it back under control v soon. 

Not getting any help just trying to do self help, not very effectively it would seem!

Gbg x 

Maybe it's time to see if you can get some help? It's a tough thing to manage- at least you're trying to manage it the right way. How's the confession compulsion going?

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I'm OK thanks. Ruminating was the part I found the hardest... sometimes you don't realise you're doing it! Hang in there GBG, you've been well before and you will get there again.

Binx

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Thanks binx and I'm glad you're OK. 

I think the thing that drives me nuts the most is the fact that I can be fine for days and then for some reason I'll decide to start thinking about it again then bam. It makes me think I will never be able to consider this topic ever again and I'll always have to be on my guard. I know it hasn't been like this for other ocd themes but this is so much a part of me. I find it staggering that some people don't worry about it. 

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It isn't unusual for us to have a particular stumbling block over which we regularly trip. 

1 hour ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

I find it staggering that some people don't worry about it. 

So does our forum friend with obsessive revulsion over people's lack of sanitation in the washroom. 

That isn't to say we can't overcome it. 

I think a way forward is to recognise when it is coming up on the inside rail, and determine this time not to connect with it, not to slip into rumination and analysis. And keep chipping away at that change in behavioural response. 

From my own experience I know this can work - though it's real tough at first to form that new habit. 

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Can I ask you a question Roy - if you feel guilty about something does it make you feel bad about yourself or do you just feel bad about that one thing in isolation? Do you have a feeling of security that whatever happens you are basically OK as a person? 

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2 hours ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

Can I ask you a question Roy - if you feel guilty about something does it make you feel bad about yourself or do you just feel bad about that one thing in isolation? Do you have a feeling of security that whatever happens you are basically OK as a person? 

I just feel bad about that one thing in isolation. 

Yes I believe I am basically OK as a person. 

You may remember I have done bad things in the past - things I still regret on those very rare occasions when I remember them - but that is momentary, and gently eased away . 

Because I forgave myself for those a long time ago and moved on. I became a role model for young people at work who I taught and mentored, and for some of my nephews and nieces, of whom I am proud. And a model professional. 

So in my mind the person I inherently was anyway, and the person I became in maturity, easily outweighed what I saw as minor stains on an otherwise good character. 

 

 

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Hi GBG, it sounds like you are talking about the difference between guilt and shame. Guilt is when you feel upset about the pain to others your actions have caused, while shame is feeling upset that you as a person are capable of behaving in that way. Guilt is generally a healthy reaction, while shame is usually, although not always, an unhealthy reaction. It took me a long time to understand the difference, but it's a really helpful distinction to make.

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Thanks Roy and wren that's really helpful. 

I have read about that distinction too wren but I think I experience both. I feel guilty over having hurt people in the past when I was young. At what point does it become healthy to let go of guilt? Cos I've been killing myself with it for nearly fifteen years now. It makes me slightly anxious that this could actually be a normal response, maybe I'm meant to feel guilt like this? If you've done genuinely wrong things even in youth? Maybe this is my punishment. 

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6 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

Thanks Roy and wren that's really helpful. 

I have read about that distinction too wren but I think I experience both. I feel guilty over having hurt people in the past when I was young. At what point does it become healthy to let go of guilt? Cos I've been killing myself with it for nearly fifteen years now. It makes me slightly anxious that this could actually be a normal response, maybe I'm meant to feel guilt like this? If you've done genuinely wrong things even in youth? Maybe this is my punishment. 

The idea that we have been bad and therefore we should be punished is classic OCD. 

7 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

At what point does it become healthy to let go of guilt

After appraisal such as I made. 

It is never healthy to hang on to the emotion of guilt. 

 

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Try taking a rumination holiday! Tell yourself you will not ruminate on this subject for an entire week and see what happens. 

It seems to me like you are getting feelings of guilt (which may or may not be justified) and you are then ruminating on that guilt in order to decide whether you should or shouldn't also be deserving of feeling shame. If you accept the guilt feelings without then ruminating they will probably fade. 

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Hey GBG,

I've been dealing with a little guilt OCD of my own today and am reading through your thread here for some of these really helpful suggestions. 

One thing I've been thinking about is whether guilt in OCD is even genuine guilt. For example, when I feel guilty about having hurt someone, I have the need to confess that to my partner or my family, not to the person I've hurt. If my partner gives me reassurance and says it's okay, I'll feel better and not feel guilty about having hurt that other person, even though I've done nothing to make amends to the actual person I think I have hurt. This makes me think that I don't actually feel bad for the thing that I did, I only feel bad because I have OCD. So confessing or trying to make amends is pointless because the guilt itself isn't real guilt and so there is no solution to it. 

Then there are situations where I do feel genuine guilt and I can tell that it's genuine because I feel it as I'm doing the bad thing or immediately after and I have the opportunity then and there to correct things. 

I just saw this as an argument against doing compulsions like confessing, because they aren't genuine behaviours to correct a situation, they are just symptoms of an illness that are actually removed from the event that we think we feel guilt for.

I don't know if this makes any sense at all or if it is the right way to look at this, it's just a thought I had.

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