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OCDhavenobrain

Roundup really triggered.

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So I am having a panic attack now.

I came home amd my dad had used the last roundup that we had at home. We are talking 3dl pure concentrate. I asked him were he poured it but he is giving me mixed answers. Also if he poured it where he says then I worked just there 1 meter from the place.

So I am really really teiggered now. I cam handle much but this is hard bevause a while ago it was classified as cancerogenic. 

 

9/10

 

He was working in the garden and when I came home I went outside and worned as well. Now did he say that he poured it where I stood. So that is really scary... What if he poured it on the trees I digged up..... I handled those without gloves. But it could also be thay he poured it outside my window and I dont see how I will be able to have it open this night.... I am so tired of this ****. I mean 3 dl of pure concentrate, he doesnt seem to bother but I do.. 1 gram is enough for tpxicity and here we are talking about 300 grams...

Considering a benzo because this is bad.

 

Edited by OCDhavenobrain

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So what I will try to do is to let it be. It is a real threat and it sucks. I don't think I ever will recognize using and expose yourself to harmful substances will be a part of my life. Also 300 ml/grams is a looot. I don't know how much of it will end up in my body but that doesn't matter too much for me. 

I haven't googled or asked more questions. But I am really anxious. Like I said, exposing myself to unnecassarily dangers will never be a part of my true-self and there is exposure. Now I do know that ruminating will do me no good at all. But yea really triggering.

 

Edited by OCDhavenobrain

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Mmhhh. I use those weedkillers regularly and have done over the years. 

It's just another example of your OCD triggering because of a perceived threat from your OCD core belief that chemicals are a MASSIVE threat to you. 

If they were that level of threat (that your OCD makes out) they wouldn't be on general sale. 

And you have clearly been carrying out a research compulsion, which has made your fear worse hasn't it. 

Is your family worried about this? I doubt it. 

To overcome your OCD you will need to apply CBT and that will involve exposure work. But it can be done using imagination as well as when use of a chemical is needed. 

Try now and apply the same logic as others without contamination OCD. They aren't going to be stupid, they aren't likely to  be deliberately exposing themselves to real risk - our built-in self-protection instincts would come into play. 

Find a safe environment such as on a bed or a couch, and breathe slowly and deeply for a little while. Then if you can, work some gradual muscle relaxation, going round your body tensing, then relaxing, your muscles - refocusing first into your breathing, then on the muscle relaxation exercise. 

These two are great ways of easing panic tension and stress. 

Edited by taurean

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Good that Taurean knew about weed killers. I had no idea what you post was about. I did google roundup. But you seem to be googling or had googled about toxicity which is fuelling anxiety. I should try the relaxation exercises.

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Thank you. I do agree with pretty much everything. I also do recognize me panicking to this extent is not normal. 

Angst I did the googling last time about amounts. Nothing get stuck as good as when your " life depends on itt". This time I didnt do any googling. I just sat in the bathroom toilet and was feeling really bad. The thing about it being classified as causing cancer is something I picked up this winter when it hit the news.

There is just one thing I cant agree with and that is that I see myself as being healthconcerned EVEN when I am totally recovered. I really want to expose myself as little as possible. This have to be a possibility? This is the thing I never want to touch those stuff.

The uncertainty is obviously about how much I have got into my system and that is when I have been googling before so I can get a clear estimate about gow much. This is an impossible task and I didn't do it this time. The anxiety is still there however, the thoughts are there, me seeing myself getting cancer. Total afraidness of getting sick of it.

Edited by OCDhavenobrain

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The muscle relaxation exercise is called progressive muscle relaxation - just remembered. 

We do have to work through some exposure in order to recover from OCD. This might best be set, and monitored, by you with a CBT therapist. But I think it would be possible to do this from a self-help CBT workbook, ideally with assistance from a significant other. 

I would not be in the good place I am today if I hadn't worked through exposures to violent themes in news programmes films and adverts. 

I didn't want to, but it was necessary and worked a treat. 

Nobody wants to expose themselves to their OCD fears, but it is a necessary part, in some form, of the recovery process. 

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Roundup is carcinogenic yes BUT you would have to be a groundskeeper, farmer or someone who uses large quantities of the stuff on a very frequent basis to heighten the possibility of getting cancer. Note the word ‘possibility’, not a definite. So it is still not definite that the high frequency users would get cancer. It is not a certainty.

Facts are, you are in none of these professions and do not use the chemical daily. Your risk is as low as anybody else’s who walks along grass verges or through parks and public gardens where the stuff is almost certainly used. All those who go to Gardens and such places do not get triggered into having cancer. 

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I do agree with that line of thought Orwell.

I think I already know thr answer but I put it out there anyway. I will sleep with my window open tonight even if my OCD told me to move the bed. I won't move it.

My goal is to be healthconcerned even when I have overcommed it all. I do not envy my dad when he just pour it out and say "whatever", I do think that it is extreme on the other hand to take a "who cares approach". I am not saying that you will die or get cancer from it so I am not infering that someone who have been using it will get sick automatically. Because it is about riskes and total exposure.

Thanks everybody. Also want to say that this was the nail in the coffin for me, I had already been told that a lot of stuff. I am also overall stressed about relatives which are alcoholics. Overall I am feeling much better but this was too much for me to handle. HOWEVER writing this thread and obsessing in my head were my only compulsions so I guess that is an improvement. Last time with roundup did I do googling for a week and moved my bed to the other side of the house.

Thanks

Edited by OCDhavenobrain

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Now you know not to Google, and to resist compulsions. 

Your real goal needs to be to cope normally with all the things that you react excessively to now. 

It's OK to be more cautious, more careful, than others - but without falling into the overreactions obsessions catastrophising and anxiety responses of OCD. 

In my career I was an insurance executive dealing with risk management and risk transfer. I took the methodology into our personal lives, applying personal risk management to them. 

It's done sensibly and logically without an OCD angle - and it has saved us from various real threats over the years. 

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Yed yes I do think that I actually am starting to see some things more clearly, when it comes to how absurd my safetylevel was before and still is on many fronts. But that is because it was extreme before. I mean I got anxious if I smelled a chemical smell when I was outside. I do intend to be healthconcerned my whole life and I actually think that is harder than going to the other extreme. 

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This has been a fear of mine too. It was in the news again recently. Read an article about it by accident (ie. i didn’t search for it) on a social media platform the other day. The aim of the knowledgeable poster was to put things in perspective. I can’t share it with you as that would be reassurance!

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4 hours ago, daja said:

This has been a fear of mine too. It was in the news again recently. Read an article about it by accident (ie. i didn’t search for it) on a social media platform the other day. The aim of the knowledgeable poster was to put things in perspective. I can’t share it with you as that would be reassurance!

It is ok but thank you anyway. I dropped it because I realize I can't know for sure.

However I do once again experience its tricks because it changed to something toally different. And woke up with an attack tonight.

You can't really be that surprised that people suffer from OCD. Millions of people suffer from obesity and many of those tell themselves time to time that they will change something, maybe after they have eaten something bad for them. 

With OCD we have a disorder which comes with a great feeling of dread and anxiety and the sufferer rums after what he is used to.

 

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Soo it is over now. The obsession about Roundup.

However I am having a real problem with trying to make things perfect, I just realized that I am counting things which I am supposed to do. Working out/study and money so when I involve myself with some of them I put my attention on the mental list and cound and "watch the list" instead of studying. I find this pretty tiredsome and it actually gives me anxiety because I do understand that I shouldn't do this and I do recognize that it is time- and energyconsuming. 

I guess I just have to stop it but yeeaa I just realized what is going on here.

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I just get disappointed with myself that I never seem to be able to give an even burst of energy to tasks. Instead I am inclined to black and white thinking and procrastination.

This is just a vent and an explanation to why this bigger breakup happened. 

Edited by OCDhavenobrain

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On 27/04/2019 at 20:57, OCDhavenobrain said:

I

With OCD we have a disorder which comes with a great feeling of dread and anxiety and the sufferer rums after what he is used to.

 

Yes, running for the 'Fire Exit' just gets you deeper into the fire.  Better to run into the flames.  *

Not saying it's always easy. :;

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Ffs! I can't take this, how can you use 1 bottle of concentration and THEN I SAW A NEW ONE! I am sick of it, I need to move but where? 

Those are crazy amounts!

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Seriously, this is just insane. I came home and HALF the amount from one bottle from the 3 litres bottle is gone and a new one! Half is taken from that one. So well one whole bottle, why can't you frikking dig it up by hand, I have even offered my help doing it... 

That is just frikking insane and totally unnecassarily. I am sorry guys but just too much lately. I know that this is not my own home and that I can't make the rules but damn it

I will not take this, I am buying a airpurifier

Edited by OCDhavenobrain

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What doesn't quite add up for me is the amount of concentrate being used. 

I am not sure which form of roundup your Dad is using. I use it or a similar glyphosphate in a purchased spray bottle, where you spray it direct onto the leaves of the weeds, or a brush on version in a special applier for delicate bespoke work, say on bindweed leaves entwined round other plants. 

On paving I use a glyphosphate product that comes in sachets - you add the relevant no of sachets to the max fill of your watering can (keeping a separate can marked purely for weedkiller), stir it in with a stick, and I then use this on a dense patch of weed - I had one at this new home due to neglect - or on a block paving drive. You need a fine spray rose to use on the end of the watering can nozzle. 

Is this really concentrate, and is it intended to be added to a watering can of water? If so, you add the relevant amount using a small measure, then mix it vigorously with, say, a stick before use. 

That's how I use the stuff when needed. 

You can, as you say, pull up weeds - making sure you dig out the root.Or you can use a hoe. Then rake up and recycle in your green waste recycle bin. 

If there is a large area of weeds, it's possible to temporarily remove any good plants, then lay down a weed proof membrane, pinning it in place with galvanised nails/special galvanised staples. 

Cut a cross shape in the membrane for each plant, then replant it. 

Finally cover the membrane, ex plants, with 5mm of bark chips. 

Perhaps your Dad isn't using the weedkiller as intended, or perhaps I have misunderstood, but hopefully he won't mind the musings of a fellow gardener, and this may help going forwards. 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by taurean

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He is using it mindlessly. He is taking one such bottle and use it in one go......

10% of the content is pure glyposate so 100grams right out in nature I don't know how much will end up in my body.

 

one thing is for sure, I will go tomorrow first thing I do and buy myself a airpurifier with both hepa and a chemical-filter  (later takes chemicals).

I do know that I shouldn't be living at home at my age but it is what it is. I have told them it is harmful, I have even said that I can do the work. Nope, keeps on buying those stupid products. 

He is using it mindlessly, he used one half of a old one and  new one today, just becuase I wasn't home before 6 in the evening. To me this seems sadistic, why even use the ****.. 
Sorry I had to vent in this thread because it is just silly at this point, the amounts..

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11 minutes ago, taurean said:

What doesn't quite add up for me is the amount of concentrate being used. 

I am not sure which form of roundup your Dad is using. I use it or a similar glyphosphate in a purchased spray bottle, where you spray it direct onto the leaves of the weeds, or a brush on version in a special applier for delicate bespoke work, say on bindweed leaves entwined round other plants. 

 On paving I use a glyphosphate product that comes in sachets - you add the relevant no of sachets to the max fill of your watering can (keeping a separate can marked purely for weedkiller), stir it in with a stick, and I then use this on a dense patch of weed - I had one at this new home due to neglect - or on a block paving drive. You need a fine spray rose to use on the end of the watering can nozzle. 

Is this really concentrate, and is it intended to be added to a watering can of water? If so, you add the relevant amount using a small measure, then mix it vigorously with, say, a stick before use. 

That's how I use the stuff when needed. 

You can, as you say, pull up weeds - making sure you dig out the root.Or you can use a hoe. Then rake up and recycle in your green waste recycle bin. 

 If there is a large area of weeds, it's possible to temporarily remove any good plants, then lay down a weed proof membrane, pinning it in place with galvanised nails/special galvanised staples. 

 Cut a cross shape in the membrane for each plant, then replant it. 

 Finally cover the membrane, ex plants, with 5mm of bark chips. 

 Perhaps your Dad isn't using the weedkiller as intended, or perhaps I have misunderstood, but hopefully he won't mind the musings of a fellow gardener, and this may help going forwards. 

 

 

 

 

 

I showed him the articles because before he just said I was being crazy. I showed him the articles that it in fact has been classified by a court of being cancerogenous if that fact gives him anxiety I couldn't care less frankly. 

I wouldn't like him to use it neither, but I can't stop that. At least now I have show him the proof and I find the whole situation bizarre, I don't know how many containers he has bought over the years and I do think my worry even if it is a bit out of proportions is real and I do think that a airpurifier is the right thing to do while I live in this. Him I can't control, if he is harming himself well fine

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I would agree with you, if what he is using is concentrate that should be mixed in small quantity with a large volume of water. 

Not sure why he would be doing this, the instructions would be quite specific. 

Whatever weedkiller is used it won't completely eradicate the weeds, they will come back again. On the packaging it will say for how long an application is effective.

So if by using that amount he thinks he will obliterate the weeds, he won't. 

 

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8 minutes ago, taurean said:

I would agree with you, if what he is using is concentrate that should be mixed in small quantity with a large volume of water. 

Not sure why he would be doing this, the instructions would be quite specific. 

Whatever weedkiller is used it won't completely eradicate the weeds, they will come back again. On the packaging it will say for how long an application is effective.

So if by using that amount he thinks he will obliterate the weeds, he won't. 

 

I know :( 

What do you think I would do. My anxiety is through the roof, he just doesn't care. 

 

Edit: Nope tomorrow I am buying the airpurifier so at least my room is safe to be in!! This is just stupidity, 1liter of roundup is 10% glyposafe and that is 100gram. 60gram is said to be a toxic amount, I have no idea how much I am getting into my system if I am just sitting here.Thankfully I am having a paintmask so I will be safe til tomorrow. 

Thanks for your reply. 

 

Edited by OCDhavenobrain

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Tricky one that. Difficult to understand why anyone would deliberately use the stuff outside of the specific guidelines, can't get my own head round that. I don't have the answer for now, but I would be working on plans to leave home when I could. 

In my own case I left home at 21 after college, when I got work in London - a long way away - and started off living in a bedsit, then worked my way up through flatsharing. I was physically and mentally fine, and so I was able to do that. I now know I did have OCD then, but only of a minor - not debilitating - nature. 

 

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1 minute ago, taurean said:

Tricky one that. Difficult to understand why anyone would deliberately use the stuff outside of the specific guidelines, can't get my own head round that. I don't have the answer for now, but I would be working on plans to leave home when I could. 

In my own case I left home at 21 after college, when I got work in London - a long way away - and started off living in a bedsit, then worked my way up through flatsharing. I was physically and mentally fine, and so I was able to do that. I now know I did have OCD then, but only of a minor - not debilitating - nature. 

 

Me neither, also, I shouldn't really live with my parents. Today I didn't answer the phone so instead my dad went outside and used roundup, I guess that is kinda sadistic in a way.. 
My goal is to move and it should be.

There is not much I can do, I have a mask which I can use til tomorrow and then I will buy the airpurifier, I showed them that it has been ruled by a court that it is toxic and if that gives him bad conscience that is good because before he just said that nobody could ever be afraid of such things. 

I will not do calculations because those won't give me anything. I do know that 10% of it is pure glyphosate and the toxic amount is 60 gram so I won't die and I haven't died before but it scares me a lot. About it being in the air and me being exposed. Scary stuff. 

At least I stopped worried about TBE.. Lol

 

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Got myself a purifier. It is the goal to be compulsionfree but also dont want to risk my life and well. Things are what they are. 

I often think that things I wouldnt recommend others I will not apply on myself. I wouldnt advice anyone to expose her himself to roundup.

That aside I do know that I cant keep on obsessing now

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