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Weird feelings and thoughts


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Today I have been at work , I only work 9hrs on Saturday and 6 on Monday . I have had really bad Harm OCD in the last 4 months . Over the last few weeks I have been experiencing random mind pops and feelings of dread etc , which I think more of  as depression. More recently including today I have had some weird feelings that I don’t care for my wife and grown up children or dog , that I don’t love them it is a horrible feeling . I am trying not to engage with it . I am also getting feelings which I would describe as depersonalisation . The irony is my usual intrusive thoughts are less . I don’t know how to handle this . Any advice . Should I consider this like OCD intrusive thoughts . I am trying not to engage with these feelings or ruminate about them too much but the fact that I am writing here shows that I am concerned about them 

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Hi Skippy, 

I can relate to this so much. I too have harm OCD and experience depersonalisation quite a lot. I've been working on this with my therapist and the way I have come to understand it is that depersoanlisation is kind of like the mind's preservation mechanism. Your mind is tired of dealing with the anxiety, so it's detatching from your feelings to stop experiencing the anxiety. It's not the best mechanism though, because it kind of shuts off your other feelings too and makes you feel deatched and unreal, but your mind needs a break from all the stress. Just because you don't currently feel love for your family doesn't mean you don't love them, none of us feel love all the time. I'm sure that after a long day when you're tired, you don't necessarily feel full of love for your wife and children. Yet you don't panic because you attribute the lack of feelings to being tired. In this case, you can attribute it to your mind shutting off your feelings temporarily to preserve itself.

I personally HATED this feeling to begin with, but in the past few months I have been learning to manage it and it's gotten better. I think that if you can see it as a temporary state that isn't harmful and not overthink it, it'll stop occuring as much. Also mindfulness has been helpful, trying to focus on how my body is feeling and also trying to ground myself in reality.

Don't worry too much about this, it's nothing bad and you love your family!!  

Oh and also - don't try to analyse your feelings or question whether you love them or not, because that will only make you feel even less, because OCD...

Edited by malina
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23 hours ago, malina said:

Hi Skippy, 

I can relate to this so much. I too have harm OCD and experience depersonalisation quite a lot. I've been working on this with my therapist and the way I have come to understand it is that depersoanlisation is kind of like the mind's preservation mechanism. Your mind is tired of dealing with the anxiety, so it's detatching from your feelings to stop experiencing the anxiety. It's not the best mechanism though, because it kind of shuts off your other feelings too and makes you feel deatched and unreal, but your mind needs a break from all the stress. Just because you don't currently feel love for your family doesn't mean you don't love them, none of us feel love all the time. I'm sure that after a long day when you're tired, you don't necessarily feel full of love for your wife and children. Yet you don't panic because you attribute the lack of feelings to being tired. In this case, you can attribute it to your mind shutting off your feelings temporarily to preserve itself.

I personally HATED this feeling to begin with, but in the past few months I have been learning to manage it and it's gotten better. I think that if you can see it as a temporary state that isn't harmful and not overthink it, it'll stop occuring as much. Also mindfulness has been helpful, trying to focus on how my body is feeling and also trying to ground myself in reality.

Don't worry too much about this, it's nothing bad and you love your family!!  

Oh and also - don't try to analyse your feelings or question whether you love them or not, because that will only make you feel even less, because OCD...

Thanks can I also ask you about these feelings as well . I have been trying to put my intrusive thoughts and feelings aside and carry out inspite of them . I have had some success with this for a while but then my mind remembers and I get a floood back or fears again I am able to put them aside a bit . Is this a sign that I may be recovering. I dont really remember what recovery felt like last time but I think I can remember a period like this where my thoughts went into the background occasionally . For the last 4 months they have been front of mind and constant so I have almost forgotten what normal feels like 

Edited by Skippy
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3 hours ago, Skippy said:

Thanks can I also ask you about these feelings as well . I have been trying to put my intrusive thoughts and feelings aside and carry out inspite of them . I have had some success with this for a while but then my mind remembers and I get a floood back or fears again I am able to put them aside a bit . Is this a sign that I may be recovering. I dont really remember what recovery felt like last time but I think I can remember a period like this where my thoughts went into the background occasionally . For the last 4 months they have been front of mind and constant so I have almost forgotten what normal feels like 

I think that I’m personally at the same stage that you’re at now. I have had a relapse and have been in therapy for about 5 months now. I think that what you’re experiencing is a sign of recovery and that is how I feel too. I think that as long as they aren’t there all the time, it’s a good sign. I also experience the same as you, when I remember the thoughts all the bad feelings flood back in, but with time this has been less bad too. It sounds like you’re on track, it just takes time and continued work.

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