Here again and desperate again

[Madchoc]

Hi Everyone,

as you know we had a wetroom done by the council. We have a part screen up which goes about half way across shower, then a shower curtain to fill the gap. Due to it not being a shower cubicle and enclosed it really makes me feel very uncomfortable, but my husband really needed this wet room, because his legs aren’t good and the cubicle before was extremely small, and had a big step up to it, this is much safer for him.I ask him not to go into shower with his clothes on, because to me they are contaminated once he’s been outside, and cleaned up our dogs poop. Puddles of water are left on the floor in the shower, anything wet like this is really worrying for me, with my OCD, I have to shower and I am so scared to go in to shower and not spray the detox cleaner everywhere first. My anxiety is through the roof now, my confidence is nil, he took our little dog out for a small walk by our flat, now I’m scared to go near him , especially if I’m wet from the shower. I think exposure therapy is very cruel to go through, I just want to go back to being normal, like other people and not have to be anxious all the while. I still don’t have any idea where this relapse came from. It seems so unfair, but I am feeling sorry for myself I suppose. I just needed to write this down, sorry everyone. Thanks for reading. Take care. Xxxx

Edited April 30, 2019 by Madchoc

[Madchoc]

Ps I should explain, he went into shower to put some soap in.

[PolarBear]

You can't prevent him from going in the shower with his clothes on. That's involving him in your compulsions. He's being normal. You are the one with the problem. You can't even watch him or question what he did, when near the shower.

This shower has certainly become a focus of yours. 

ERP is not cruel. Doing meaningless compulsions for years or decades us cruel.

Are you getting help right now?

 

[Madchoc]

16 hours ago, Madchoc said:

Hi Everyone,

as you know we had a wetroom done by the council. We have a part screen up which goes about half way across shower, then a shower curtain to fill the gap. Due to it not being a shower cubicle and enclosed it really makes me feel very uncomfortable, but my husband really needed this wet room, because his legs aren’t good and the cubicle before was extremely small, and had a big step up to it, this is much safer for him.I ask him not to go into shower with his clothes on, because to me they are contaminated once he’s been outside, and cleaned up our dogs poop. Puddles of water are left on the floor in the shower, anything wet like this is really worrying for me, with my OCD, I have to shower and I am so scared to go in to shower and not spray the detox cleaner everywhere first. My anxiety is through the roof now, my confidence is nil, he took our little dog out for a small walk by our flat, now I’m scared to go near him , especially if I’m wet from the shower. I think exposure therapy is very cruel to go through, I just want to go back to being normal, like other people and not have to be anxious all the while. I still don’t have any idea where this relapse came from. It seems so unfair, but I am feeling sorry for myself I suppose. I just needed to write this down, sorry everyone. Thanks for reading. Take care. Xxxx

 

[Madchoc]

Hi PB , I am not getting any help at the moment. My therapist has had to end my sessions, because you are only allowed a certain number of sessions. I wish I could get some private treatment, but unfortunately it is too expensive. What would you suggest I do? 

Thanks x

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

Hello.

I just want to add my opinions on some things, because I think they are really important. 

1. As said, never ever involve other people in compulsions, you could see it as a line which you shouldn't cross. It is up to the sufferer to not cross it but it is really important. 

2. ERP is not cruel at all, reassurance is cruel, really really nasty. 

Now, you went through therapy that is great, can I ask you if you actually did expose yourself? Even if you didn't you can implement the knowledge from now on, a person with OCD can start recovering wherever and whenever you NEVER need to wait on something/someone to start the recovery process.

Edited May 1, 2019 by OCDhavenobrain

[Gemma7]

33 minutes ago, Madchoc said:

Hi PB , I am not getting any help at the moment. My therapist has had to end my sessions, because you are only allowed a certain number of sessions. I wish I could get some private treatment, but unfortunately it is too expensive. What would you suggest I do? 

Thanks x

If you were having therapy through the NHS then I would fight for more sessions. This happens all the time where people say they have used them all, it's simply not good enough. Secondly, you could look to try to step up to a more specialist service. Have a look on the website https://www.ocduk.org/overcoming-ocd/accessing-ocd-treatment/accessing-ocd-treatment-through-the-nhs/england/

Also, you can use self-help material like Break free from OCD to keep making progress while you wait for more therapy. Whatever happens you shouldn't have to fight OCD without support it's completely unacceptable. If you need more help accessing therapy you can always contact the charity via email