what does ocd feel like to you?

[vivi_x]

hi everyone,

I'm hoping for uni to base a project on ocd, the real kind, and I wanted to ask if anyone would mind describing how ocd feels to them, any useful metaphors you have for describing it to people who have no experience with the disorder. the aim of the project would hopefully be to convey those feelings to people in a way they can understand, somewhat bridging the gap between us and them.

hope this isn't too much to ask 

vi

[Handy]

Art is like that, you have a feeling, you create a piece & someone looking at it feels the same as you do.

[malina]

Hey vivi_x, this sounds like an interesting project, what is it for? I'd like to share my experience but need to think about it first! 

[vivi_x]

1 hour ago, malina said:

Hey vivi_x, this sounds like an interesting project, what is it for? I'd like to share my experience but need to think about it first! 

I do jewellery at uni and want to base one of my units on ocd, if you have any questions id be happy to answer them

[Handy]

vivi, I would liken it to Sisyphus.  

There is also Dymphna.  

[Handy]

In other words, Sisyphus pushing Dymphna up a mountain.

[leif]

40 minutes ago, Handy said:

In other words, Sisyphus pushing Dymphna up a mountain.

I find your analogy intriguing, handy. I think I understand the Sisyphus part, not so much the link to Dymphna, but interesting...I wonder if you could explain more what you mean.

@vivi_x

I've been considering this question since posted. I think it sounds like a really worthwhile project. How would one ever explain the feelings of complete confusion and drowning to someone who has never experienced it? For me at my worst, all common sense had vanished and it was like running from a villain in a dream where you run and run, and somewhere inside you a voice says its a dream and you should stop running, but you are too scared to stop in case its not a dream, so you keep running, terrified. And the dream keeps repeating itself.

The interesting thing to me with this disorder is that I can hear usually 2 voices. One is the logical, the other is the completely irrational. Depending on which one I listen to, that voice will get louder and drown out the other. So if I do compulsions/avoidance the irrational gets louder and makes more demands. If I manage to listen to the logical, then the irrational shuts up...

Anyhow maybe i'll come up with a more succinct analogy, but that's all I have for now.

[jenkijunki]

When OCD strikes it's like the feeling you have if you are about to be in a car accident... The panic, heart in your throat, pounding in your ears.  It enters with a whoosh, and triggers your fight or flight response.

[HadenoughofOCD]

2 hours ago, leif said:

For me at my worst, all common sense had vanished and it was like running from a villain in a dream where you run and run, and somewhere inside you a voice says its a dream and you should stop running, but you are too scared to stop in case its not a dream, so you keep running, terrified. And the dream keeps repeating itself.

Leif, I love this explanation! It’s like the “real” you is in there somewhere deep down telling you everything’s okay and you don’t need to be afraid, but that part is so tiny compared to the monster convincing you that your fear IS real and if you don’t do what the OCD is telling you to do, your very worst fear is going to hit you in the face and your life as you know it will never be the same again. This horrible cycle happens over and over again, unrelenting. 

[phillev]

Sometimes bearable and sometimes like your worst possible waking nightmare! And it never ceases to surprise and shock!

[malina]

Well I've had some time to think about it and here goes:

It's like there is this darkness that lives inside of me and is one day going to consume me. Like I am never truly safe in my own skin because it is always there, always waiting for its moment to come out and take me away. And even when I think it has gone and I'm safe, it hasn't truly gone and will always be lurking in the shadows waiting for me. 

[Emsie]

21 hours ago, malina said:

Well I've had some time to think about it and here goes:

It's like there is this darkness that lives inside of me and is one day going to consume me. Like I am never truly safe in my own skin because it is always there, always waiting for its moment to come out and take me away. And even when I think it has gone and I'm safe, it hasn't truly gone and will always be lurking in the shadows waiting for me. 

This is such a good description. This is how it feels for me. It's a roller coaster isn't it. 

Edited May 8, 2019 by Emsie

[dksea]

Here are a couple of analogies I have used

Having OCD is like feeling hungry all the time, even after you eat something.  It seems like no matter what you eat or how often you eat you are still hungry.

Or its like walking alone in the woods, you hear a rustle in the bushes and you start to worry, "OMG what if its a bear".  Just as you are about to run, a rabbit hops out of the bushes.  Oh, good just a rabbit.  Then you hear another rustle in the bushes and you start to worry "OMG, what THIS one is a bear."  And repeat.