Help me unstick please

[angels]

Tough few ocd days going over old ground and making me doubt myself. Ocd going over a situation from a year ago and will not let it go. I had a row on a nite out with a cousin and because i felt intimidated by the situation i think thats why i cried cause i knew it was going to far. I was very drunk i just remeber the feeling. I have ocd so it latched on  hard. my job is to empower woman and build confidence and self esteem and these things are important to me so my ocd had analysised the life outta of it. I have put this up before so i am sorry ..its just it lifts when i see it as ocd and not me an do positive affirmations. Then it comes back when i try to reassure myself its ocd and i am a strong confident woman then the intrusive thoughts and doubts say why did you cry why where you intiminated etc. I go to gym and was boxing with my hubby and i was reassurance seeking. Do i hit hard enough would i be able to protect myself if i had to etc. It is very embarrassing and laughable if it did not stick and caz the pain in my mind. I want to belive i am able to protect and i do hit hard on the bags but its never enough and the what ifs continue this is important. Please what would help me see the wood for the trees what would counter act how i felt that night help me belife in me a let this rubbish go xxx

[PolarBear]

You don't want to counteract what you felt. You want to let it go. You were drunk. Give yourself a break.

[angels]

Thank you polar bear its embarrassing for me to read what ive wrote i know the reaction is ocd related but the intrusive thoughts are hard to ignore. I want to belive i am a strong confident woman despite feeling intimidated or crying at that occasion but the thoughts keep intruding how can you be if you felt this way is etc intrusive thoughts and doubt make it difficult to belife in me. Then when the stick and dont go away it makes me feel bad xx

[PolarBear]

Guaranteed the reason they stick is because of compulsions. The only way to get them unstuck is to taper off and stop your compulsions.

[angels]

My compulsion are rumminatng i try to find the answer i over analysis and disect i test myself and my character. Doing weights boxing although i do enjoy staying fit and only box on bags occassionaly and enjoy it too. I do feel it is part of me reassurring my as a way of protection. I then belife the intrusive thoughts at times and feel sick. If i see it as ocd and not react i gwt better then the stiuation is used as part of the debate xx

 

[dksea]

4 hours ago, angels said:

I want to belive i am a strong confident woman despite feeling intimidated or crying at that occasion

It might be helpful (with the OCD and for your general mental health) not to setup such strict criteria.  One can be strong and confident and also feel intimated at times or cry at times.  OCD demands absolutes, reality pretty much never is.  Part of recovery is giving yourself permission/accepting that you don't have to meet the impossible standards OCD sets.
 

4 hours ago, angels said:

My compulsion are rumminatng i try to find the answer i over analysis and disect i test myself and my character.

Being aware of a compulsion is an important, necessary step.  The next step is to work on breaking that compulsion. It would help to have a plan, to prepare yourself for how you will handle it when you notice yourself ruminating.  For ways to be more aware of your ruminating, etc.

[angels]

Thank you both so much your right with ocd thinking and demanding certainty i need to soften the all are nothing thinking. Hopefully i will get back on track this week. Have a good week xx